thoughts in the early morning

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by J1bRAn, Jun 3, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. J1bRAn

    J1bRAn New Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2003
    Messages:
    24
    The duMaurier early morning
    had a choke effect on my lungs
    As i rose like the sun from its smoke
    Decided to write while i wrote
    and ash it out in my space
    Had an aggrivated start like usual
    Pen slided as it flossed across the sheet
    Didn't know what to write about
    until i just let my mind free
    you see for me its like morphean for the soul
    because yesterday was vague but thoughts were bold
    as i road in imagination to escape the cold
    feelin sublime but still thinking of my crime
    that was past down ta me
    the wikkid mind
    exposed over again like a picket sign
    these wikked lines in wikked times in every ryme
    skipping like an old LP
    when my shit unwinds sour like lemon lime
    thoughts of evil intent
    smashing beneath the pavement
    into hells kitchen
    there's no repent from this enslavement
    society lie'ta me, shit aint all good
    im in the hood and cant pay rent
    im hurtin for dollers! what the fukk is 50 cent?
    What the fukk is public perception?
    What the fukk is a mind with no sleep?
    Its what ma'fukkas dun did to me!
    What the fuck, and you blame guys like me?
    when i gun butt ya
    with tha heat on a fucken single rap sheet?
    test
  2. J1bRAn

    J1bRAn New Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2003
    Messages:
    24
    was uppin 4 something 2day. always trying to b as original as i can. holla peeps
    test
  3. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Messages:
    11,131
    sorry i didnt get to reply to this earlier, but this was a nice poem.
    test
  4. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Interesting concept and how you basically told a story somewhat, while writing this was also decent, no doubt. I found this not to be to your full potential, because I had read some lines that caught my eye, yet others just were basic nothings to me, na'mean? I'm just saying, you could make all your lines "eye catching", such as..

    "you see for me its like morphean for the soul
    because yesterday was vague but thoughts were bold"


    ^^ That was quite decent, caught my eye a bit. Although, overall, the piece wasn't one that I'd come back to, but it was worth my time reading, mos def. My blessings..
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)