~theitsybitsywriter~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by UFO the Phoenix, Jan 22, 2006.

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  1. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    The itsy bitsy writer

    Shoo fly don’t bother me
    Irritating, instigating, illustrating
    The buzz around my poetry

    (This is more then just an ode to the spider)

    Hallowed be
    the builder of bountiful beauty
    You are
    the riddle that never ends
    Octagon eyes
    given vision to a world with no limits
    seminal my image
    to you I’m no threat
    only pencil to paper
    meanwhile you weave
    miracles to trees
    spinning a silver labyrinth
    shadowed with the color gray
    Unexplainable masterpiece
    parallel to the picture of
    Dorian Gray
    Peaceful display of a dungeon cage
    Where littered remains
    of maimed butterflies hang
    Suspended in disfigured
    positions of pain

    (Sorry Bhitiah, but splendor has a new name)

    You never recycle your fame
    simply reconstruct your talent
    Over icicles and flame
    In a way I mirror your abstract ways
    Most artist are only respected
    after they have gone insane
    Outside inner circles
    Daydreaming in the shade
    While the kids play and adults slave
    I work words
    And whisper wonder to weeping willows
    Next to your floating hieroglyphic
    One quick close gaze
    could make any pig do tricks
    Layer upon layer your lingo navigates
    Demonstrates (demon straight)
    A faith from the darkest of maze

    Now I see the light (I’m no longer afraid)

    So design your dreams untamed
    Unchanged
    Connect chains
    on silk strings running vibrant
    sticky and complex
    annoying to all flesh
    Builder of the see-through
    diamond
    Claim the morning dew
    rule this concrete island
    You are
    the architect
    of the highest demand
    Michelangelo recarnated
    Eight wonderful legs
    to create a flat vortex
    spiral sea-horse sex
    Perfect brainstorm
    crafted under moonlight
    only to be backhand
    at daybreak
    into a tangled sphere of ideas

    my bad I got too excited
    and your tour de force almost
    went unnoticed
    on my routine path
    clueless
    of surroundings
    trounce your purpose
    omit of breakfast
    panic attack unplanned
    on two empty stomachs

    Forgive me for destroying
    your lovely web

    Might have ruined your day
    but it doesn’t stop your dance
    defying gravity
    going back to point A

    Similar to a shredded poem
    on the floor
    battered away by
    heartless comments
    from armless critics
    who’ve mastered all the wrong
    things to say

    We never asked for this gift
    Born to be different

    Hiding my head
    under a notebook
    of tormented bliss.

    My artwork
    Is a spider’s web.
    Designed to eliminate pest

    Don’t get caught in my thoughts
    I have a job to do.
    test
  2. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    You need to leave my name out of your shit for real. I liked this peice from you, but I'm not even gonna respond to it further then that.
    test
  3. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    ^I did that on purpose to tick you off....just seems like whenever I write something you put it down before giving it a chance....I can never top my old stuff...I'm in a different writing phase now thats all....and this poem is bout admiring the beauty of hard work regardless if you like it or not...I didnt like running into that spider-web in the morning but I have respect for the spider that made it ya know
    test
  4. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

    Joined:
    May 3, 2004
    Messages:
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    I dont "put it down" before I give it a chance...IF I dont like it, I dont like it. If it's not up to MY UFO standards, It's not up to MY UFO standards. That's it. I never said your writing was CRAP, I never said you SUCK NOW, I just said I liked your old style better. I'm well aware that a poet's style changes from time to time, This particular phase your in I'm not fond of.

    You dont need to put my name in your poems to tick me off, just because I didnt like the last couple poems you wrote. You dont even REPLY to mine and I'm still replying to you and giving you GENUINE feedback, by telling you I dont like it. DO YOU WANT me to say "good drop kid stay up keep writing your amazing man can I get any further on your dick cause man I wanna be your biggest fan" I thought you were above that ego stroking. BUT APPARENTLY, Your not.
    test
  5. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Messages:
    17,838
    Great piece (that I will need to read again,lol)

    The symbolism and the vocab had me straight captivated!!! Very nice job. You held me in right where I needed to be!
    test
  6. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2004
    Messages:
    11,770
    Poetry Beef 06.....holla!

    Good piece. Gotta go though. Get at me on Aim or something.

    Bless.
    test
  7. illpoetical

    illpoetical raising the bar everyday

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2000
    Messages:
    1,533
    beautiful the imagery and surrealness of this piece is captivating and immense. i love this piece stay up
    test
  8. 6ftground

    6ftground BLACKACE/GRIMREADER

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    2,066
    Priceless!!!

    NOthing more to be said..YA KNOW!

    test
  9. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Been gone for a good minute and I see it's still the same.

    I liked the first stanza the most. I think you showed me that part before or either you was telling me about the idea you had on this piece. I think you did a pretty decent job. I think it was too long though. Great concept though

    One luv
    test
  10. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    After "now I see the light" that seemed to be where the meat of the piece laid. That's where the best lines were, where what you were seeing became more clear to me at least.

    I liked it, just not the content but something in the flow of it had a certain energy to it that I liked. At least again, at the end. It's hungry. To me it demands your attention.

    I like the concept you used with the spider. I fucking hate spiders lol..but have you ever just sat and watched one build it's web? It's quite amazing..... ;)
    test
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