the ?,the plan,the answer

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Supreme J-Red, Jun 1, 2003.

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  1. Supreme J-Red

    Supreme J-Red Mario Brother

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 1999
    Messages:
    15,867
    i just wrote this out of bored''''ummmmmm...first shit in along time on the poetry tip


    whats my future?
    is it bright?
    will i get her?
    or will she find another as the light?
    am i gonna make it?
    will i make myself happy?
    will i take the bad and shake it?
    how much longer will life trap me?
    does she look at me with lust?
    does she dream of me as her dream?
    Am i in her life as a must?
    will the walls hear a loving scream?
    how much longer will i be so un-happy?
    how much longer will i wish for something more?
    how much more crappy can it get?
    when will i hit the core of a smile?
    will i ever sit in the winners circle?
    But who really knows
    i may walk in some other shoes
    i just may meet her tommorow
    or maybe now
    the sun looks black but i'll never look back
    the only one i can trust is me with the power
    i'll own a smile,i'll own some love
    i'll own my life,i'll own that dove
    i'll shove anger,malice and apathy out
    stand up shouting at myself for the frowns
    i'm out of my shell ready for life
    never steady with the knife
    wake up
    wash up
    walk out
    drive off
    make it
    put my stake in it
    a relation never break it
    smiles all smiles

    and i must say...this is one suck ass poem....i can do so much better.....i think i've been blocked
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    "whats my future?
    is it bright?
    will i get her?
    or will she find another as the light?
    am i gonna make it?
    will i make myself happy?
    will i take the bad and shake it?
    how much longer will life trap me?
    does she look at me with lust?
    does she dream of me as her dream?
    Am i in her life as a must?
    will the walls hear a loving scream?
    how much longer will i be so un-happy?
    how much longer will i wish for something more?
    how much more crappy can it get?
    when will i hit the core of a smile?
    will i ever sit in the winners circle?"


    Questions to yourself opens up the piece, while you're writing it. It helps you discover what your true meaning and why you're really writing it. I found this piece not that bad at all, some parts had me a little daydreaming, due to it being a bit redundant within the lines, because of the same concept of another line coming up (if that made any sence). Anyway, decent piece, I'll read more from you in the future. My blessings..
    test
  3. Old Soul

    Old Soul Nipple Nibbler

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2001
    Messages:
    27,298
    Styles, stop trippin, you'll be fine. Just remember to be yourself around her & compliment her. Crack those jokes, get inside her head. [teet]

    Pzzzzzz

    Hit me on aim
    test
  4. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Messages:
    11,131
    so many questions... nice piece. yea, it looks like you are capable of better, but nice nonetheless.
    test
  5. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    Don't downplay your shit....you know what you're capable of...you know what you wanna say...fuck what all of us think about it...Do YOU.
    test
  6. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    this piece doesnt come cloose to suckin....i felt it

    although i must say i'm glad that u didnt ask questions the entire piece...dont think i woulda liked it then....

    flow was a bit choppy at first but i understand why,....would like to see more from u soon...

    UPIn
    test
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