The Mayans Were wrong

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by HAS Productions, Apr 17, 2013.

  1. HAS Productions

    HAS Productions Member

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    the title is whack but i don't care about titles, sorry, but it's not misleading.

    The world ended in the 50's. The Gandhi's of the world are now on Facebook eight hours a day, the Martin Luther King's are playing Call of Duty, and the Mother Teresa's are sucking dick for $50 bags of coke. They don't make 'em like they used to. My 100 year old upright piano still plays, even if I have to tune it, but my 2000 electric Yamaha short circuited, the Torah has survived 5,000 years through the Bible and Qur'an, but David, Jesus, and Mohammad are generals of opposing armies. And I'm not better smoking pot and sitting idle waiting for the world to change, and I always hated that John Meyers song, because people only wait on change because they wont do it themselves; I used to hate hating.

    The world ended the dawn of man-kind. "The World." Physically the Earth, but intellectually, there are more than six-billion worlds; one for each of us. Are we drunk enough yet, are our bellies full, have the gladiators brought our attention away from the burning city and stopped the revolt? Are we drunk enough yet, are our wallets full, have the terrorist and celebrities brought our attention away from then governments failures, or should I say success in keeping us stupid and entertained?

    We've substituted Malcom X for Lil' Wayne, we've substituted God for Steve Jobs, because the Lord knows more of us would talk to the Lord more often if the Lord had Facebook and unlimited texting.
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  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Revelation 12:9
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  3. HAS Productions

    HAS Productions Member

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    out of all my posts on this site so far (im new) i get feedback from the poetry section, and then i read it and im like damn, its only one fucking word, then Im like, damn that's some of the best feedback ive ever gotten. good looks. (but still really doesn't say much about what you thought of the writing itself.) good looking out either way, stay up.
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  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I liked the flow and the written voice of the narrative...it read well and is written well.

    You used good analogies and metaphors to explain some more complex things, using pop icons well in some areas. The xbox one was weak, considering you used that to sum up a generation. A more heavy laden, timeless and hard hitting phrase would have done much more emotionally and could have added more bang to this.

    This was a good commentary piece, could have added more depth to this by exploring the symptoms you presented and offering unique angles of them, giving a resolution to the problems and attitude. All in all, this piece stands good. I wouldn't have minded if this was longer, enjoyed this.
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  5. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

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    I enjoyed the complexity of the thought. A statement and fact, someone actually has an opinion.

    There was only one repetition in this poem. The only legal vice. Interesting.
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  6. TANGLUNG

    TANGLUNG neo beatnik/peacemonger

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    "we substituted malcom x for lil wayne, we've substituted god for steve jobs,because the lord knows more of us would talk to the lord more often if the lord had facebook and unlimited texting"

    definitely,my favorite line of the piece due to how you summed up the human condition perfectly..the world's or just america's
    conundrum?who's to say and does it matter since we're more similar than different. worldwide, more locked down
    in the psyche perhaps even than we care to admit..i can dig it my friend..looking forward to reading more pieces..~respect~
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2013
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