The Locust

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by the omega man, Nov 27, 2010.

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  1. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    I walked the block for 18 years
    with fear that dusk would appear.
    Paintings would draw near through my vision unclear.
    The canvas...blended into focus.
    Warm colors without pattern are all that I noticed.
    Then I asked myself,
    "Will I survive the night in peace, or meet the locust?"
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    good continuity and image :)
    test
  3. -WiT-

    -WiT- New Member

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    Feb 10, 2004
    Messages:
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    Cool shit brother. I'm feeling the suspense and uncertainty you portrayed here. The rhyming seemed pretty natural too and not like you were trying to force it-- which is key. IMO the "in peace" in the last line is redundant. It was too short though, gimme more! Did u survive or meet the locust!?

    Peaces
    test
  4. StraeBullets

    StraeBullets New Member

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    Dec 8, 2010
    Messages:
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    "The canvas...blended into focus.
    Warm colors without pattern are all that I noticed"

    Really liked those two lines. I thought it was cool overall, but I agree that it was kind of short. Would have definitely liked to see a little more.
    test
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