The Lighthouse

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by TheInkwell, Jan 24, 2012.

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  1. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    Not finished, but figured I'd share it. Revisited something that I think I originally wrote for the RSTL

    feedback links:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/open-mic/1303575-ruthless-aggression-2.html#post1069306071
    http://board.rapmusic.com/open-mic/1309773-something-im-working.html#post1069306084


    You can watch these petals fall and mark a dying rose
    Like a candle drowning in itself till it no longer glows

    But

    We both know, life’s a die thrown from clenched fists
    Some redline their gauges and disconnect wrists
    But though right now, we pull our hair out like grenade pins
    There’s more to life than just waiting for the explosion

    Everybody’s broken in a sense, like puzzles in their box
    With no picture for reference, we snip at pieces till they lock
    And grip at nothing on this tightrope as we tread it over rocks
    Though we might hope for revival if we plummet from the top
    We’ve got… two tin cans and string with Life on the other end
    A crude telephone, we make sense of what we can
    But these years we’ve made an art of things we’ve suffered from
    Some freeze their tears with their heart and load them into a gun
    And that’s a light trigger pull, for such a heavy bullet
    They fly like freed doves, the type that people covet
    Is that preferable to complacence? Or did we miss the point?
    If self-demise is the ultimatum, then why bother with choice?
    Cause if it’s between the two, then between me and you
    I’d rather be blown out than flickering in people’s view,
    Becoming a fiery tapestry to perform this shadow puppetry,
    It’s clear

    We cannot survive off the euphemisms we’re marketing
    test
  2. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
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    that's some heavy shit. the entire piece was good.
    but I had to reread that quote before I even got to the end.. even though I understood it after one go through.
    I can understand what you're saying the first time I read it. +1
    keep goin with it, please.
    test
  3. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    thanks for the feedback. i'll see you in the RSTL some time in the future =]
    test
  4. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    dude this was outstanding. very deep emotional piece with some great lines throughout the whole verse.

    "...And that’s a light trigger pull, for such a heavy bullet
    They fly like freed doves, the type that people covet
    Is that preferable to complacence? Or did we miss the point?
    If self-demise is the ultimatum, then why bother with choice?.."

    very very true statement.
    Loved how it flowed.

    I enjoyed this all the way through. keep it up man.
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
    test
  5. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    thanks! and i will =T
    test
  6. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    anytime. mos def nice glad your signin up. some heavy hitters right now..
    test
  7. K0mPleX

    K0mPleX New Member

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    Messages:
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    This was a terrific read. Only bad part is that it ended.

    Such a vivid flow, so nice with the words. Really fits well together.

    I admit the first read I did not grasp. I must of have been tired, but second read through, the flow was unbelievable. Definetely on another level than most.

    Love to read the final version. Awesome work.
    test
  8. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    thanks for the feedback. i've been meaning to finish this, but works been keeping me busy
    test
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