The Last Assassin Returns

Discussion in 'Post Ya Audios & Videos Here! - feedback forum' started by the omega man, Oct 23, 2011.

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  1. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    The Last Assassin Returns (Paul Brothers Version)

    SoundClick artist: Batman Da Playa - page with MP3 music downloads



    Lyrics:

    I always been the subject of ridicule, so pitiful
    an individual beset on missions through a vivid view
    failed at lifes interview, resume of an imbecile
    2 bars back imagine what ten'll do
    watch ya back in the dark alley shadows change shape
    and cover your light like opaque hanged drapes
    check ya skin on your nape where vamps broked fangs break
    the choke chain makes steaks rank in that propane taste
    As he wakes in an inchoate state, he takes no caution
    the Siafu will tear break skin and won't let off him
    He don't need change, he'll kick shit like Matt Austin
    "Take your Portuguese collection back to Shaffhausen
    and fly your Jolly Roger high but don't get nauseous"
    words of wisdom from his broken heart leaking fosset
    his competitors' approach will never accomplish
    their tug-a-war against the Billy "One-Hand" Condon
    So how did they start when Pay Day came without choclate?
    its America's embryonic object
    growing to fetus, growing arms, growing opticks
    the zygote the Zimmerman Note, the gametes the Two Party blockage
    so how you think we can cope with 9/11 on our conscience
    sadly my ominense, shows no dominence but in my own sub conscious
    swim across the ocean the boat-less Magellan
    floatin on opium, slowly propellin
    by way of this over grown hopeless flagellum
    the salt water is the rope that's chokin this felon
    and if my throat don't close from the comotion and yellin
    and I go the whole globe I hope I can tell em
    'bout the ocean-ic bedlam that took away my hopes of rebelion
    test
  2. MattHouston

    MattHouston Future Favorite Rapper

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2011
    Messages:
    1,008
    Read the lyrics through before i listened, they're dope...aside from a few bombastic choices in vocabulary.
    Here's to hoping you've got the flow to match.

    Intro's dope, although much too long.
    The backing track to it is extra hard, sounds like something Hanz Zimmer composed for Crysis 2.

    Beats okay i guess. Nothing mindblowing.
    Your flow is decent, but there's something off about it...You staccato some syllables in a weird way.
    Mixing could be better, voice sounds muddy.
    The way you project your voice could also use work...however you did pretty good man...props.

    RTF: http://board.rapmusic.com/post-ya-audios-videos-here/1302122-matt-houston-commercial.html
    test
  3. MattHouston

    MattHouston Future Favorite Rapper

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2011
    Messages:
    1,008
    Double. Fucking. Post.
    test
  4. StormGod

    StormGod Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2001
    Messages:
    102
    I like the lyrics

    The flow needs to be smoothened out though

    you're emphasizing every syllabble and its like dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.. i think choppy is the word. It's not bad but I think your delivery could be experimented with and improved. You have the southern drawl, I think you could sound doper.

    I appreciate the message and the direction of the track. keep doin' it.
    test
  5. habeascorpus

    habeascorpus The Future

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    2,990
    intro = too long make it interlude on the album or something if youre working on one...sound like eminem mixed with t.i. but a lot more amateur. i hear a little instant legend in there too. flow could be smoother or just tamed with better bar structure. i can tell you got passion for this shit. not bad kind of sound like if you took an everlast verse and sped it up twice as fast those samples are annoying i didnt even listen. i think your flow could be smoother instead of just all over the place. not bad...check my track out Drug Music (Produced by Habeas Corpus) | Habeas Corpus thanx peace.
    test
  6. dotGATSBY

    dotGATSBY The Coolest Colombian

    Joined:
    May 29, 2010
    Messages:
    66
    I can respect the introduction. This would definitely have to be a album song instead of single though because it's lengthy as FUCK! Infact the first 1:30 of the intro should be the interlude before the song & the last few words be the intro.
    Your pronunciation could use some work. The way you said some of those words made it hard to understand you. Your delivery wasn't bad but I felt like you could use some more energy in the mic presence department. Content was cool though it didn't correlate, in my mind, to the audio samples you used.
    Then I read the lyrics and was acutally suprised because I heard 15% when I listened but after reading I see your aim. Ill lyrics my friend. You just really have to work on that delivery & pronunciation. Your flow was consisent through-out the track as well as breath control. I'm definitely a fan and hope that you can use my criticism to build. Check out the recent thread I posted & return the love.
    test
  7. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
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    4,343
    Well, sounds like what I was gonna say about the intro has already been said, haha. Way too long, yet still pretty dope. I do feel like your delivery should be a tad different on this too...like the lyrics are sick but you are a bit monotonous at times..a little more emotion to fulfill the lyrics would be dope, simply because there's so much going on with the lyrics.

    Otherwise this was pretty good. A lotta potential to be real dope. Keep it up. 1
    test
  8. adamjoseph

    adamjoseph New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2011
    Messages:
    10
    test
  9. TwiztidHarmony

    TwiztidHarmony New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    1,070
    solid track, flow could b mor on point but def a nice track
    test
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