the Guy with a Pen V.S. Lyrical Sorcery

Discussion in 'Writer's Block' started by Mind~$oul, May 23, 2004.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    test
  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pick 1 out of the 4 pictures below in this link...Please post the link of the picture you chose along with your poem....[​IMG] for the people who dont know how to do so....

    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthrea...0961post8920961

    Min=16 lines
    Max=64
    No Show=4

    Sign in by Sunday, May 30th! Verses Due Tuesday, June 1st!

    Voting due Saturday, June 5th!
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    The link didnt work...So here goes the pics

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    test
  4. DIVINITY FLOWZ

    DIVINITY FLOWZ New Member

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    checkin in.. we can't use any of the other pictures in that thread?
    test
  5. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    ^If that was the case I would have posted the other pics in here.
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  6. the Guy with a Pen

    the Guy with a Pen a Svan Production

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    excellent.


    signing in.
    test
  7. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    I'm doing the second picture of the little girl with a blanket
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  8. the Guy with a Pen

    the Guy with a Pen a Svan Production

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    well,


    guess we'll be doing the same topic- good luck.
    test
  9. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    same here man... g'luck

    you're a little more respected as a poet in this realm than me, but I'm gonna give you a good fight..... count on it folks

    and may the best win....
    test
  10. the Guy with a Pen

    the Guy with a Pen a Svan Production

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    [​IMG]


    Pillow Fog

    watch her.. look at her..
    with a saturated cloud of visual sadness
    blended in the background,

    man down,
    trying to get a leg up on 'the one'
    she took me away, divided in my concentration
    this mathematical game was played underneath the horizon
    of a burning sun..

    I lay stunned, her essence painted on my memory
    Lost in a vicious cycle, she seems so alluring
    Purple hazed, placed in my heart
    barricading the bridge beyond, kept on the front lawn
    never leaving the start..

    bordered in blue, the hues of my existence
    often I'd watch her fly away, the sound of her wings
    echoing in the acoustics of my continued,
    and promised, somehow honest... forgiveness
    but the passion is plucked
    the painted picture of your face begins transparency
    and what was once bold lust
    is fading, revealing the hidden of your truths

    Trust, was the only thing I could never give to you.

    and so as I lay underneath these stars
    finally closing my eyes, falling to sleep
    like I once... fell for you
    I realize the one thing you could never give me
    .. was the truth.
    test
  11. Surreal The A.D. Prophet

    Surreal The A.D. Prophet Wondrous Poetic

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    was rooting for sorcery LoL
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  12. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    [​IMG]

    Village of Lost Hope

    I was waking up when it happened,
    hearing the sounds of screaming
    The smoke filled both of my lungs
    To choke while I’m dreaming

    Until it had drowned my breathing
    I wondered around feeling dazed
    Seeing my villagers attacked
    As my house was in flames

    Running for cover
    I tripped and fell on someone I smothered
    Looking up under
    My small frame I find it’s my baby brother

    I try to pick up his body
    But it’s too heavy to carry
    I cry loudly, then see my friend struggling
    cuz her head has been buried

    I dig her out of the dirt
    Soldiers search our grounds for their thirst
    To murder our men
    And rape the women in gowns for desert

    Our tribe gives thanks to the ostrich
    For supplying us food
    They’ve discraced our sacred symbol
    While taking the lives of our troops

    My eyes getting blue
    As the fire dries the tears in my ducts
    My vision is blurred
    So I run away from where I was hearing the guns

    I fall again
    Only this time, my landing is soft
    I recognize the hazy pattern
    And it’s my family’s cloth

    I’m able to muster enough stress
    To get my eyes to pour
    And clean the dirt and smoke in them
    As I cry some more

    Clearing my vision
    Seeing our bloody natives lie on the floor
    While the mothers lay motionless getting raped
    Their souls have died and they’re torn

    Unable to fight anymore
    They get kidnapped and enslaved
    The ones that were able to fight
    Were burned to ash in their grave

    Children were thrown in a wagon
    I didn’t know what would happen
    But they killed our people
    So I hid under some clothes in a basket

    Feeling enclosed in a casket
    As death became the stench of home
    My name is Guadelupe, I’m 7 years old
    And I just wish I was grown

    So I could die with my brother
    Maybe even save the life of my mother
    By killing these evil, demonic,
    Ghost faced white motherfuckas

    I walk without looking back
    After the massacre ended
    Feeling the pain numb my brain
    Like I’m left with half of my senses

    Everybody I love is dead
    And I’m an orphan at 7
    Praying for God to carry my soul
    Into the forces of heaven


    I chose the little girl walking away from the smoke in the distance behind her, holding a blanket.

    The little girl is a 7 year old Native American, who has just witnessed her village get burned, her family and friends get killed and raped by American settlers and government soldiers of the early relocation acts
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  13. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    I wrote it in poem for... so each two lines is only one line

    just so yall know I didn't go over the limit
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  14. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    nevermind... since it's only 4 lines over, I'm just taking out the last four lines...

    so editing for that reason... possible dq for too many lines
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  15. the Guy with a Pen

    the Guy with a Pen a Svan Production

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    cool poem, I'm half Native American myself. :thumb:
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  16. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    I'm part native too, but thanks man... I appreciate it...

    aye feel free to rep me for it if you like it that much... [teet]
    test
  17. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    damn.. you went from 2 billion green rep to 1 billion red in a day

    somebody is doing some serious hating in here... anyway though, i liked you shit too.. it showed some imagery that I was feeling
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  18. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    VOTE: Lyrical Sorcery

    I chose Lyrical Sorcery cause I felt he used the picture better and told a more vivid story. Dont get me wrong Guy's shit was tight I was feeling the imagery and colors, but Lyrical Sorcery gets the vote for the better story telling.


    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  19. Both of these pieces were good, Lyrical had a nice story going on with some nice rhymes, and guy with a pen seemed to have some really nice imagery that just sunk into me in some way, really reached me. I liked them both, but something def carried the piece beyond the picture further for me than the other one..


    Vote--The guy with a pen
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  20. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

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    Hmm, like i said, hate doin this, gna make it short and sweet, enjoyed both, but Lyrical Sorcery jus took it for me...
    Much Lv
    *S*
    test
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