Discussion in 'Writer's Block' started by Mind~$oul, May 23, 2004.
Pick 1 out of the 4 pictures below in this link...Please post the link of the picture you chose along with your poem.... for the people who dont know how to do so....
Sign in by Sunday, May 30th! Verses Due Tuesday, June 1st!
Voting due Saturday, June 5th!
The link didnt work...So here goes the pics
checkin in.. we can't use any of the other pictures in that thread?
^If that was the case I would have posted the other pics in here.
I'm doing the second picture of the little girl with a blanket
guess we'll be doing the same topic- good luck.
same here man... g'luck
you're a little more respected as a poet in this realm than me, but I'm gonna give you a good fight..... count on it folks
and may the best win....
watch her.. look at her..
with a saturated cloud of visual sadness
blended in the background,
trying to get a leg up on 'the one'
she took me away, divided in my concentration
this mathematical game was played underneath the horizon
of a burning sun..
I lay stunned, her essence painted on my memory
Lost in a vicious cycle, she seems so alluring
Purple hazed, placed in my heart
barricading the bridge beyond, kept on the front lawn
never leaving the start..
bordered in blue, the hues of my existence
often I'd watch her fly away, the sound of her wings
echoing in the acoustics of my continued,
and promised, somehow honest... forgiveness
but the passion is plucked
the painted picture of your face begins transparency
and what was once bold lust
is fading, revealing the hidden of your truths
Trust, was the only thing I could never give to you.
and so as I lay underneath these stars
finally closing my eyes, falling to sleep
like I once... fell for you
I realize the one thing you could never give me
.. was the truth.
was rooting for sorcery LoL
Village of Lost Hope
I was waking up when it happened,
hearing the sounds of screaming
The smoke filled both of my lungs
To choke while I’m dreaming
Until it had drowned my breathing
I wondered around feeling dazed
Seeing my villagers attacked
As my house was in flames
Running for cover
I tripped and fell on someone I smothered
Looking up under
My small frame I find it’s my baby brother
I try to pick up his body
But it’s too heavy to carry
I cry loudly, then see my friend struggling
cuz her head has been buried
I dig her out of the dirt
Soldiers search our grounds for their thirst
To murder our men
And rape the women in gowns for desert
Our tribe gives thanks to the ostrich
For supplying us food
They’ve discraced our sacred symbol
While taking the lives of our troops
My eyes getting blue
As the fire dries the tears in my ducts
My vision is blurred
So I run away from where I was hearing the guns
I fall again
Only this time, my landing is soft
I recognize the hazy pattern
And it’s my family’s cloth
I’m able to muster enough stress
To get my eyes to pour
And clean the dirt and smoke in them
As I cry some more
Clearing my vision
Seeing our bloody natives lie on the floor
While the mothers lay motionless getting raped
Their souls have died and they’re torn
Unable to fight anymore
They get kidnapped and enslaved
The ones that were able to fight
Were burned to ash in their grave
Children were thrown in a wagon
I didn’t know what would happen
But they killed our people
So I hid under some clothes in a basket
Feeling enclosed in a casket
As death became the stench of home
My name is Guadelupe, I’m 7 years old
And I just wish I was grown
So I could die with my brother
Maybe even save the life of my mother
By killing these evil, demonic,
Ghost faced white motherfuckas
I walk without looking back
After the massacre ended
Feeling the pain numb my brain
Like I’m left with half of my senses
Everybody I love is dead
And I’m an orphan at 7
Praying for God to carry my soul
Into the forces of heaven
I chose the little girl walking away from the smoke in the distance behind her, holding a blanket.
The little girl is a 7 year old Native American, who has just witnessed her village get burned, her family and friends get killed and raped by American settlers and government soldiers of the early relocation acts
I wrote it in poem for... so each two lines is only one line
just so yall know I didn't go over the limit
nevermind... since it's only 4 lines over, I'm just taking out the last four lines...
so editing for that reason... possible dq for too many lines
cool poem, I'm half Native American myself. :thumb:
I'm part native too, but thanks man... I appreciate it...
aye feel free to rep me for it if you like it that much... [teet]
damn.. you went from 2 billion green rep to 1 billion red in a day
somebody is doing some serious hating in here... anyway though, i liked you shit too.. it showed some imagery that I was feeling
VOTE: Lyrical Sorcery
I chose Lyrical Sorcery cause I felt he used the picture better and told a more vivid story. Dont get me wrong Guy's shit was tight I was feeling the imagery and colors, but Lyrical Sorcery gets the vote for the better story telling.
Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
Both of these pieces were good, Lyrical had a nice story going on with some nice rhymes, and guy with a pen seemed to have some really nice imagery that just sunk into me in some way, really reached me. I liked them both, but something def carried the piece beyond the picture further for me than the other one..
Vote--The guy with a pen
Hmm, like i said, hate doin this, gna make it short and sweet, enjoyed both, but Lyrical Sorcery jus took it for me...
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