The Great Pretender....keystyle

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by lpoet, Oct 13, 2003.

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  1. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    Trying not to act as if I’m depressed but
    These feelings rest in between
    Yesterday’s heartbreak and tomorrows failure
    And I try to surpress that in each and every today
    Loved ones and family pulling at both my arms
    So I close my eyes and try to dream them away
    Slipping into some sort of oblivion
    Searching for solitude amongst men who
    Have yet to find themselves
    Friends
    Friends are what you’d call them
    I call them lost souls just like me
    Though they are aware that their
    Hands and feet have been shackled
    They think that God has already set them free
    But its not that easy
    Our bodies currently burning in the
    Fiery pits of this hell and
    I don’t think it will ever rain here
    Our lives have been spent
    Lie upon lie and
    Sin upon sin
    I put the burden upon my shoulders
    And my knees are slowly giving in
    I just hope that know one is around when
    My lips kiss the pavement and my hand
    Drops this pen………..
    test
  2. illpoetical

    illpoetical raising the bar everyday

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    this was real i liked it
    1ne
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Messages:
    17,331
    First off man, i wanna say this was the best title you've came up with. We all know you suck at that lol...

    But damn man, this was some real shit. "Perphaps" the most personal piece i've seen come from you. You're slowly and slowly gettin to that point, cant wait till you just let it out man.

    "Have yet to find themselves
    Friends
    Friends are what you’d call them
    I call them lost souls just like me
    Though they are aware that their
    Hands and feet have been shackled
    They think that God has already set them free
    But its not that easy"

    ^100% truth. People going around actin like they know "god" and all when they really dont. It's not that easy like you said man. We still blind in this world. glad i seen something like this from you brother

    one luv
    test
  4. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    I don't think it will ever rain here
    ^^^
    sort of a simple line but very powerful

    I really liked the last 4 lines a lot : )

    very nice luv
    test
  5. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    1,804
    searching for solitude amongst men who
    have yet to find themselves
    this is very deep, Ipoet you got mad skills


    writing on the tree that so many call paper,
    writing on the tab that so many call a waste
    test
  6. IvyG

    IvyG New Member

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    Oct 12, 2003
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    "Trying not to act as if I’m depressed but
    These feelings rest in between
    Yesterday’s heartbreak and tomorrows failure"

    I really loved this as an opening ...

    "Friends are what you’d call them
    I call them lost souls just like me
    Though they are aware that their
    Hands and feet have been shackled "

    This part also really stood out to me.. nice flow I liked it alot... I am looking forward to reading more of your work...
    test
  7. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    3,706
    i really like these lines although the whole poem is very strong. definatly relatable and yeah the title is cool too :)
    ^up
    test
  8. vinous

    vinous New Member

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    May 22, 2003
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    Searching for solitude amongst men who
    Have yet to find themselves

    whole piece was dope, but those 2 lines ^^, damn man i was pretty blown away by the truth in that. pz.
    test
  9. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

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    Apr 3, 2002
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    1,151
    "They think that God has already set them free
    But its not that easy
    Our bodies currently burning in the
    Fiery pits of this hell and
    I don’t think it will ever rain here
    Our lives have been spent
    Lie upon lie and
    Sin upon sin"

    fav lines in drop.
    test
  10. marc antony

    marc antony It's all about da ass....

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    1,217
    i think this poem was solid from beginning to end.....the beginning was dope....the middle was dope.....the ending was dope......

    i particularly liked the first couple of lines because they really grabbed my attention and made me want to read more.....and if what mind~soul is saying is correct and you still havent reached that point.....then cot-DAMN!!! i cant wait !!!.....
    test
  11. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    upping one more time, lne love
    peace im out like the falcons are without vick
    test
  12. very strong man..liked the enjambement
    test
  13. The Daisy and the Empty Vase

    I sense your sombre budding daisy
    The Unfulfilled desire the love which scent
    speaks from you; the bountiful snapdragon
    The soapstone to purely Imagine
    cleanly cut sylables even ones you cannot fathom.

    Like a snowdrop into warm tea
    overcome with upturned extacy
    Fluidly spiralling to emerge as one
    sneaking upto sneer upon.

    Can love be ever shrewd?
    when seeking judgement
    does it ever move?
    From delight into a shrill
    like pushing water with hands up hill

    To feel like a shrew
    open to the sun feeling showerproof
    this to know and never shun
    the empathy when accepting loves' many sons.
    test
  14. Sun_Flower

    Sun_Flower Bluez By Loves Eye

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    Mar 12, 2002
    Messages:
    647
    Oh my this is like reading my dairy thanks for making it known that we' aren't alone continue to stay strong and tilt that head up high and strive for what is desired. Nice read mos def i can relate. Keep it coming!
    test
  15. Predator INC

    Predator INC New Member

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    Feb 8, 2003
    Messages:
    2,276
    nice ass shit bro. loved it i can relate to it. if i can relate to the peace i will show it love if not then fake shit can eat a dick wont peep that stuff.
    test
  16. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    17,331
    test
  17. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    798
    everything that positive and good already said, i want to say...but...its already been said so i wont, just to say that this blew me away with its honesty and i respect that...great work
    test
  18. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

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    dam you throw down on all your pieces this was tight ass hell loved it
    test
  19. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    12,678
    test
  20. unspoken1

    unspoken1 Revolutionary Wordsmen

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2002
    Messages:
    758
    Lie upon lie and
    Sin upon sin
    I put the burden upon my shoulders
    And my knees are slowly giving in
    I just hope that know one is around when
    My lips kiss the pavement and my hand
    Drops this pen………..



    so so so so ill....nicely crafted...feeling this...wow...when i grow up i wanna write like lpoet
    test
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