The Future

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Southern_Dirty, Jun 21, 2003.

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  1. Southern_Dirty

    Southern_Dirty -="Too Dirty fo Ya'll"=-

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2003
    Messages:
    8
    I've mostly been writin about drama but here's a uprising one to counter whats going on in life....

    The future is but a day
    a day molded like clay
    it molded by what you do and say
    whether how u use it for work or play
    but it must be started by a foundation
    passed down from each generation
    it all starts as an infant
    to ur parents this is a heavy commintment
    you start off early going to school
    but what you learn here is merely a tool
    a tool to get you ready for adult life
    a life to share with a husband or wife
    and lessons are combined in each new marraige
    and are brought down to the carraige
    you may think at the start that life is nice
    but like your mother says you should think twice
    cuz you will remember when you get old
    all the things that mother told
    that as you see things the world gets cold
    maybe so hard for you to behold
    behold all the things you see in your eyes
    all the scandal, murders, and lies
    cuz life is how it looks
    whether it is a friend or a crook
    cuz if life was on file a record
    alot things heard has to be censored
    but life can be good just make it right
    sleep good little one and good-night
    test
  2. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    that was okay..i gotta be honest.... i didn't say anything that moved me in a way, didn't say anything i hadn't heard before....it was written very simply. wasn't bad tho. just wasn't something i couldn't personally feel.
    test
  3. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    Hey man, i quite liked this in it's own 'pokey' way..

    ...i mean i dig ya niche on this ish...most definetly. Though i can see that there may be some flaws technically. I didn't even try to put my finger on them, cos the piece just caught me. In it's own 'pokey' way (what do i mean by pokey? You'd have to get into me mind to find that out...and ya dannae wanna go there)..

    ...and the way you ended it was real nice too. Some people would try and put too much into the ending..and spoil it...but you did it just right...it all fitted in nicely...

    ..resp..
    test
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