The Experiment

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by bagglad, Dec 7, 2010.

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  1. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
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    The Experiment

    Need plain power for my main tower it’s a legal hastle
    Owning a medieval castle see too many devils evil rascals
    Itch for a staff to assist me in withcraft about half the folks
    Don’t believe in the supernatural a chance to gleam may choke
    My finance means but I have to explore and roar like a lion
    See my brain must retain knowledge may need a memory of iron
    or this could be a shook disaster must look after the chemical used
    criminal would be amused to get their hands on this really can’t lose
    if this experiment is a success, it’ll express action and test a faction
    of my body tone, party at home with these chemicals have an attraction
    to superman, wanna be a guy strong let bygones be bygones hear a high
    tone I try phone Dr Jekyll and Hyde this may not be the proper vibe why
    do I feel this way? Time to kneel and pray there’s an incorrection some-
    where in this injection my spirit divine this is a period of time to come
    true my veins are in pain then it came my body started to grow really in
    tremendous pain on a continuos aim to become a super hero silly grin
    room all sark no peace felt like a small geese ready to sprout wings
    and migrate my brain vibrate it lame no escape couldn’t figure out things
    bumped my dome as the funk roam through my body now a depression
    in my skull have the aggression of seagull going for fish, needed sessions
    with other scientists before doing this, it maybe perfect too crazy to interpret
    slipping consciousness this been extreme now my skin turn green was it worth it?
    face flaws in part the chemical caused a change to start like a strange dart in my heart

    my link
    http://board.rapmusic.com/open-mic/1243252-who-tha-f-ck-suspect.html

    my link
    http://board.rapmusic.com/open-mic/1252134-shoot-me.html
    test
  2. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    This is cool man. First thing I've read from you. Mostly what I notice is your lines are stretched as hell. If you condense shit it makes it 10 times better. I'm guessing you didnt write this with a beat in the background. Do that next time, make sure it all flows with the beat and it'll impress you how much better it sounds. With that said, you got a lotta potential. Saw some nice rhymes with good word choice so you got some things on point already. Just always know to condense those lines. There's almost always another way to reword things and make it sound more dope. Just keep that in mind in the future and you'll be solid. Keep elevating, man. 1
    test
  3. Radical Sun

    Radical Sun New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2010
    Messages:
    95
    Definitely a nice piece.
    I agree with Ace as it seems the lines are definitely stretched out.
    At times felt like I needed to catch my breathe.
    Had a freestyle vibe to it for me.
    test
  4. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    748
    thanks for the props on this one for real
    test
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