The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

Discussion in 'The Alley' started by zyclon B gas, Jan 3, 2014.

  1. zyclon B gas

    zyclon B gas sososerious

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    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

    This site kills me. This is probably my favorite one she does. Fuckin hysterical and has forever left me thinking this when someone says "alot" instead of "a lot."




    As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechanisms. When someone types out "u" instead of "you," instead of getting mad, I imagine them having only one finger on each hand and then their actions seem reasonable. If I only had one finger on each hand, I'd leave out unnecessary letters too!

    [​IMG]

    If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore the existence of apostrophes and capital letters and types things like "im an eagle and im typing with my talons, so dont make fun of me cuz this is hard," I like to imagine that they actually are an eagle typing with their talons. It would be a hassle if you had to hop in the air and use your feet to karate-chop two keys simultaneously every time you wanted to use the shift key to make a capital letter. Also, eagles lack manual dexterity, so I can understand why they'd want to leave out apostrophes. Eagles are all about efficiency.

    [​IMG]

    But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering. It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase "a lot" and condense it down into one word, because when someone says "alot," this is what I imagine:

    [​IMG]

    The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

    For example, when I read the sentence "I care about this alot," this is what I imagine:


    [​IMG]

    Similarly, when someone says "alot of _______", I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.


    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    If someone says something like "I feel lonely alot" or "I'm angry alot," I'm going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.

    [​IMG]

    The Alot is incredibly versatile.

    [​IMG]
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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting about how he is "alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps," instead of getting angry, you can be like "You're right! Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities."
    [​IMG]
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  2. KOzS

    KOzS .Juster

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    Love this stuff. Stopped caring about people's use of the language after watching the Stephen Fry Typography on Language. English is dynamic, if it evolves to have "a lot" become one word, so be it. I like her take on it though, I'd like to take this perspective on everything that bothers me.

    Playfully imaginative author. I bought the book just to support her. She did a "talk at Google" (on youtube if you're interested), I should finish watching it, because she's great. She even mentions the alot comic. Her depression comic really hits home, but when I saw her she was bubbly and fun, hard to believe she was depressed.
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2014
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  3. Sir Bustalot

    Sir Bustalot I am Jesus

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    what about aswell
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  4. zyclon B gas

    zyclon B gas sososerious

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    Yeah the depression comics were really well written and insightful for me to understanding depression and depressives. My favorites though are this and the moving with the retard dogs
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  5. DannyC

    DannyC Stay golden, pony boy.

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    I didnt read this alot.
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  6. Sir Bustalot

    Sir Bustalot I am Jesus

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    WHAT ABOUT ASWELL!
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  7. KOzS

    KOzS .Juster

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    Read the OP.
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  8. Superman70

    Superman70 edited

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    im on the wait list for ths book.
    there are a lot of people ahead of me.


    I think "alot" is the error that confuses me the most.
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  9. Sir Bustalot

    Sir Bustalot I am Jesus

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    yeah but theres no cool monster for aswell

    he seems like hed be good friends with the alot
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  10. DemiGod

    DemiGod Peef Rimgar

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    Enjoyed.
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  11. KOzS

    KOzS .Juster

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    Since when did you lose your imagination. For shame.

    Have you seen the contents of the book? Something like only 15 stories, and the pictures really fill space. I got it because I thought it would be interesting on my shelf, but there's no exclusive content. At least I'm pretty sure I've seen most of the stories already.
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  12. Superman70

    Superman70 edited

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    nah i haven't, was wondering if there was any exclusive content

    i'll check out the blog
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  13. zyclon B gas

    zyclon B gas sososerious

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    about 85% of the time i hate everything busta writes. it's like trying to force comedy that could never under any circumstance be funny.

    that's why i ignore it. at least until now. stop trying to ruin what this woman has written with your shit comments and just enjoy her blog and shut the fuck up
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  14. Twamp

    Twamp proper weaponry

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    fuckin' hilarious.
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  15. Superman70

    Superman70 edited

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    :chefoooh:
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