TaLi RodrigueZ vs. Tha_DQ

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by RIKOSHAY, Feb 1, 2006.

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    RIKOSHAY New Member

    Oct 31, 1999

    Blood Bath of Baltimore

    "Dirty children!!! Driven crazy!!!" Blood splatters on the Baltimore map
    Story of the filthy Fleming family in 1955. Allow me to bridge the gap

    Tick tock tick tock, oh sissie, can you hear? Let's play hide and seek
    My soul I have yet to find but I'm convinced you hid it inside your beak
    As you ate me at our birth...what was the matter? Were you scared?
    I guess mommy and daddy never told you about the womb we shared
    Well, we did but you refused to let me breath, you refused to let me live
    Can you hear me screaming when you sleep? I'll never forget nor forgive
    I’m here to bring torture to you but also to our parents. You did wrong
    All three of you wanted me to be gone, you ignored my birthday song

    "My child, what's wrong? You're soaking...did you have a nightmare?"
    "Sweetie, talk to mommy...you are acting so strange but why stare?"
    Then suddenly she screams: "He's here! He's haunting my dreams!!!"
    After she’d spoken, the sun gleamed by his presence or so it seems
    It was as if his energy settled inside her being and took over for good
    At that point I could not believe what I was seeing, I never understood
    How the moment of their birth occurred but revenge he now looked for
    Oh dear God, how can I stop the madness and make it all like before?
    Look at my baby, her hands trembling, eyes rolling, her body shaking
    As I close my lids, tears escape when all of a sudden…glass breaking

    “My baby….noooooo....WHY? Why did you take her? You monster!”

    I’m sorry mother...but she only got what she deserves as will you…

    The next day, the Baltimore newspaper read: “Family Trauma!”
    “A 5 year old child found dead on the sidewalk. Parents arrested!”

    There’s a new scandal in town, enough material to talk about for days
    Gossip went around as these parents rotted in jail in a lunatic craze
    That shrieking voice put on repeat inside their minds, haunting them
    Driven completely insane because nothing rewinds … taunting them

    Two weeks later, the Baltimore newspaper says: “Jail House Hurting”
    “Parents accused of murdering their child committed a double suicide!”

    This is for the selfish for not letting someone be who they want to be
    Whoever commits this sin, the last one they will ever see is…me…

    Topic : I Had a Destiny

    TaLi RodrigueZ:


    Once upon a time I had a destiny; I was blessed to be a resident
    Nestled deep within this pleasant sea
    Hesitant at first, watching as my brethren wrestled next to me
    Over some food scraps, feuds lasted centuries
    At least it seemed, soon enough I figured out
    That compromise would keep me outside of a bigger mouth
    Hell, even on those few occasions when I proved impatient
    I'd lose a segment but it'd grow back and so I grew complacent
    I'd move adjacent to the ocean floor
    Hoping for an indication that I was making the right decisions
    I waded through the days without taking the time to listen
    As this great lake steadily changed into life in prison
    The only way I found to maintain on a daily basis
    Was to latch onto to a mate and drift
    Wherever the waves would take us
    Making believe that I was just great and appeased
    While in reality I was completely afraid that they'd leave

    And well

    They left me high and dry so often that my shell
    Became my fortress and it coarsened as I roared through high hell
    I stored things deep inside and rarely interacted
    With my own kind or any other
    For fear that it'd be extracted
    So when we met, all you saw was a star of the sea
    You chased my soul but never fathomed how hard it would be
    You never could have guessed just how dark it could be
    Cause' beyond each wound, there were older scars underneath
    But oddly enough, you never stuck to the script
    You were supposed to move along like "motherfuck this, I QUIT!"
    Instead, you sucked it up and never gave in to my demons
    Even if you thought they stayed around for the craziest reasons
    No matter how I denied, I really missed the depths
    And I'm sorry if I made us miss some steps, but skip regrets
    I know I'll never feel as if I paid dues
    I always say I love you but I'm fairly sure that I never thanked you


    Thank you

  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Aug 3, 2005

    tha_dq...hmm so the flow in this was really spotty and off...I didn't really get into it...the story was kinda cool, but for the most part I never really got into it because of the way it was written...stay at it though...

    tali...this was cool...your flow was on point and your story hit on a metaphorical level because yea at one point you were talking about a starfish but I felt that there was definetly much more to it than that...

    vote has to go to Tali on this though for having a more polished and interesting verse [/hide]
  3. Tha_DQ

    Tha_DQ Expected The Unexpected

    May 29, 2005
    Love your piece Tali now lemme get to voting (are votes required like in the league actuallly?)
  4. Shogun...

    Shogun... Ghost Within the Shadows

    Jan 28, 2006
    Im not a mod or anything but of course voting is required lol

    [HIDE]Tha DQ
    Nice verse here, very ummm, very "psychotic" lol, i had this feeling throughout the verse so u pulled it off great, especially with the newspaper clippings thrown in
    It read quite smoothly, yet, in spots i felt as if u could have came up with better...how do i word this...better "word selection" to use throughout the verse
    Nice piece though

    Nice destiny lol
    At first, i thought this was gonna be some sort of guy with some sort of stupid destiny that ended with a twist about dying lol, but as i read through, it pieced itself together wonderfully, especially with the imaginative way u chose to use the topic; very unexpected in my view, which of course, is always a good quality in verse. Very smooth read as well

    This was difficult to judge, but i didnt have all night lol, so after much debating with myself i think i'll give Tali the vote, for a more imaginative story[/HIDE]
  5. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Feb 17, 2001
    4 Votes Per contestant, minimum, in both league and tournament

    that's 8 votes in one week if you're in both


    DQ -- I feel that i was bored reading this....
    First of all your piece wasn't very lyrical;
    You took a more dialogue orientated route which is really hard to do because we have to understand the environment through their speech, which really leaves setting around to the reader, and makes it bland in a sense because i'm not seeing what you want me to see....u know? Your wording was fairly bland and your diction was kind of boring.
    Keep practicing..

    Tali -- This was so well written..I love the diction you have its so clean. Your metaphor of bing a starfish in the sea is dope too....as opposed to a fish in the sea....pretty clever, tho cliche at the same time; you know? im sure you do... you thought of it, anyway
    the imagery was nice, e••••ially how it attributed to the expansion of your metaphor,
    really dope for a shorter verse

    vote - Tali
  6. I Dunnno

    I Dunnno New Member

    Sep 14, 2005
    Tha Dq, this was an interesting tale with some suspense that kept me reading. The emotions expresed in it were powerful and gave the narration a strong character to develop. The character was a very creative idea that I gotta give you props for. The ghost of a dead baby haunting her parent....... Damn, that's some shit. It gave a lil imagery, but I did want to see something outside the content alone to bring this out more and some good vocab or stronger flow would of done that. This was nice and the way it was spun gave it more of an impact. Niceness

    Tali, damn, another creative outlook to write about. The ode of a starfish is a difficult character to capture nicely, but you did just that. The naration braught this to life in a very colorful disply amd developed the personality nicely. The flow was natural, yet still pretty dope along with some wit. I'm not sure who the starfish is thanking exactly, but it seems like it was lonely from traveling the sea by itself. The power layed behind the character development to me and you did that well as the fish explained what kind of life its had. Nothing extraordinary happened to the fish like nemo or something, but that didn't take away from the character having a full purpose to express. Cool shit

    Vote Tali
  7. Annihilation

    Annihilation CLAUS HOUSE

    Mar 17, 2003
    Tha DQ:

    Very nice verse, I think my favorite one I've read from you thus far. Bars were pretty long, but the scheme and flow were steady so it wasnt an issue. The approach you took was very unique and I enjoyed it, I thought it worked very well and the story was pretty interesting, especially for 30 bars. The interweaving of the vengeful soul and the narrative and news headlines developed nicely and I liked how they went crazy in the end. Good stuff.

    Tali:The narrative never faultered in depicting a wonderful story from a very interesting perspective, a great flow and nice scheme, and the wording and imagery just make this a total breeze to read. I really got sucked into it's life and the way you described things and the metaphors used to explain them was flawless. Beautiful verse.

    Both came with really fresh verses and succeeded quite well, but the diction and writing of Tali's verse was amazing.

    Vote: Tali
  8. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Apr 5, 2002
  9. Tha_DQ

    Tha_DQ Expected The Unexpected

    May 29, 2005

    RIKOSHAY New Member

    Oct 31, 1999
    Final vote = 5-0

    Tali Wins!
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