Sweet Words

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Dark_Angel, Jul 15, 2003.

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  1. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    okay this is my first post so i'd really appreciate criticism of any form..thanks

    I wanted to be there for you when darkness surrounded you
    Not pushed away when confusion confounded you through
    This love was an illusion, but you wound it up to
    Like a game were the you’re the coach and were the players
    Left with the shame of knowing that we can’t break this gaming
    Like an addiction that we just can seem the shake
    Can’t break the habit and can’t escape the comments you make
    The sweet words play in my mind, the rest is forgotten
    The pain I swallowed so you would be there tomorrow
    I tried to follow, but seemed to get left behind
    With nothing but letters for memories of our time
    But stuff it, I took it and was left to break up inside
    You moved on and booked with another girl to reside
    It’s hard to hide the emotions and sweet words spoken
    Knowing later on they were the words I would choke on
    But hold on. Now you say you want us together?
    Boy I brave the weather before, this must be a set up
    I’m fed up, how can I resist and stay away from ‘us’
    So once again swallowed pride and was tagged along
    I shoulda seen from the start, that this thing was wrong
    How can you claim love? There still empty words you’re speaking!
    I knew there was a reason, but wasn’t prepared for it be me
    So I started believing that maybe I could do better
    I could stay away from you, but it tore me forever
    Now the sweet words still play, like violins echo
    Never wanted to, but just knew I had to let go.
    test
  2. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    like an addiction that we just cant seem to shake
    cant break the habits and cant escape the comments you make---- love that ^
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  3. Ntrikit

    Ntrikit Please stop freeposting.

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    So you're a lady, writing a poem about losing your lady to another lady?

    Or a guy losing his lady to another lady?

    If it's the first option maybe you should try going with the laws of nature and date a few "Men" and by that I don't mean 20 year old boys....I mean "Men" who believe in something.

    If it's the second option then don't sweat it. A "Real" Woman wouldn't sleep with another Woman. A Woman is only complete as a Lady if she has Faith in The LORD and if she does she would not give over her body to lust.
    test
  4. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    sorry there was a typo, it is spose to be 'boy i brave the weather...' but i am a girl writing about losing a guy to another girl...sorry for the confusion
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  5. Ntrikit

    Ntrikit Please stop freeposting.

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    My apologies for assuming.
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  6. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    nah thats fine, understandable considering it did say girl..its all cool
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  7. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    nice job expressing yaself, welcome to the realm

    one luv
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  8. vinous

    vinous New Member

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    unafraid though unfamilar i ventured out to begin my quest
    to find the one i never knew....
    the one i never left.

    those lines and h.woods quote, liked them the best. over all nice piece.
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  9. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    cool, thanks for the replies. appreciate your time
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  10. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    That sounds like something that Mary J. Blige would write or sing, not to compare you to her though. You swallowed your pride for the ever elusive love? I've been there before, lol...good piece though...I agree with them and their picking of lines too, and that ending was perfectly excecuted...
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  11. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    yeah thanks for the replies, considering its my first time, i really appreciate it
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  12. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    wow sweet ma sweet i felt it keep writing the best stuff comes out of me to when i am emotional
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  13. IIthousandth Ndividual

    IIthousandth Ndividual still the grimiest

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    you expressed what you went through vividly...

    feelin that..
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  14. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

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    OH MY GOD!!! this poem spoke to me...i loved every single fucking line....i loved it....thas all i can say....i loved it!!!

    mad love
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  15. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    really nice first drop...welcome....sorry took me so long to peep it....
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  16. MzLashay

    MzLashay Livin'

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    welcome to the realm very nice drop keep it up
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  17. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    i was confused too lol. nice poem
    test
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