SW: 2. Jook vs. 15. Master Peace

Discussion in 'RSTL Grudge Matches and Tournaments' started by Baron Mynd, Jan 23, 2007.

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  1. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

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    [​IMG]

    All rules that are applied in the league will also be enforced for regulating the tournament. If you're not familiar with the rules of the RSTL, please read them HERE!:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=876433

    The only difference will be that in this tournament, your opponent will get to pick your topic for you. Topics must be picked and posted within the match thread within 1 day. If it's not posted, the opponent of the person that didn't pick a topic in time will get to choose his/her own topic.

    One more additional rule and this one is crucial so you all need to be aware of this. If you do not vote, you will not advance in the tournament at all. I don't care how many votes you're winning by, you will need to vote to advance on 4 matches weekly. When the league re-opens, these 4 matches will include voting on league matches. And in the elite 8 before the league reopens, there will be only 3 matches to vote on. That will be the only exception, but all 3 matches will require your vote. Voting matches a tie will not be permitted and won't count as a vote.

    Topics will be up Tuesday 12am PST every week and topical choices are due Wednesday 12am PST and verses are due Sunday 12am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich with votes due Tuesday 12 am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich

    Also, there will be no recycling allowed. Nothing you've ever posted anywhere online will be allowed. The mods will be checking verses for authenticity with online search engines.

    This is a match by match tournament so there will probably be no show wins and losses.

    Topics Are HERE!: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1030432

    Lets Get Ready To Ruuuuuuuummmmmmmbbbbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeeee!​
    test
  2. Master Peace

    Master Peace coolest nigga yo mama kno

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    I don't know if it's allowed or not but if you want to we can just pick our own topics. I think that the battle wil be better that way...lemme know...i'll check back later tonite and see what you say.
    test
  3. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    Yes it is very possible young sir, we simply fail to post topics for eachother thus resulting in us picking our own topics, in a perfectly justifiable legal way.


    Btw, best of luck. I will try to bring the best quality verse possible, as I expect the same from you.
    test
  4. Master Peace

    Master Peace coolest nigga yo mama kno

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    You as well good sir...

    The readers will not be dissapointed
    test
  5. J o o k

    J o o k Guest


    Consumed by Hate

    He's flippant and strung, he sits and twiddles his thumbs
    Watching snuff films, till his sock is riddled with cum
    The mutilation scenes, leave him lost in a spry
    But doesn't ejaculate until he watches them die
    His dick is disease ridden, no help, his pleas hidden
    Wrists sliced, eyes blackened, and skin, flea bitten
    Licks a swisher, the weed a sheen verdant
    Inhale, exhale, he forgets all with which he's burdened
    It's 9am, he should be in History class
    But he's suspended again, due to miseries past


    His fathers a mechanic, who refers to him as a spoiled fag
    And last night almost smothered his mother with an oil rag
    His mothers a receptionist, who is receptive to much more
    Like chlamydia, which is why she is called, bitch, slut, whore
    Unfaithful and lewd, no standards set for their young teen
    Whom they say is a loser and only ponders dumb dreams
    But he swears his parents deeds, he will accomplish ten fold
    He's and outcast, not accepted by his Amish kin folk


    The school counselor has given up, the teachers the same
    After his father punched his mother and beat her with chains,
    He hasn't been the same since, his aim is, to make his brain dense
    No nepotism, just hate, which on his chest he has engraved in
    No one questions the marks on him, often his abs bruised
    What motivates him to keep living? Well it's sort of abstruse:

    the music

    He nods his head to hip hop, and is lost the whole time
    His father calls it n.igger music that promotes crime
    His heart follows the tune of the bass, his blink - the snare
    Not an ounce of worry, or a wink of care
    His father blames the music for his sons actions
    So he destroys the music and deploys a tongue lashin'
    Everytime he catches his son listening to c.oon music
    But it keeps the kid focused, and stays in tune through it


    It's a melancholy truth his parents are the reason
    Why he blurts FUCK in class, and arms are often bleedin'
    Not the lyrics, which were used as an excuse
    It's the endless fighting, infidelity, cursing and X use
    The years of pejorative slurs, and ephemeral praise
    Has driven him into a hysterical phase
    Of which he will overcome and vivify his life,
    Leave the house and simplify the strife
    Like he often hears in the songs he listens to
    About the struggle and pain, envisioned through
    The artist with which he can relate,
    So his mind, in time, will demand the chage

    you see,
    The music's his escape,
    That will ultimately free him into choosing his fate


    god bless.
    test
  6. Master Peace

    Master Peace coolest nigga yo mama kno

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    Good Luck

    When they awoke...


    fear crossed their faces...
    My mother gasps in horror as she pulls the cover to her throat...
    The gun raises...
    Not knowing what he's faced with, my father slowly reaches under his pillow cases...
    That 9 he seeked for was now mine...
    And once he realized, he stood mute like a mime...
    A tear drop sheds as I loook towards the other end of the bed...
    To my mother...her faced covered in scars and bruises...
    My thoughts confused with anger and revenge...I smirk slightly as I picture him dead...
    The drunken binge hours before this moment replayed rapidly in my head...
    He bursts through the door, after being denied entry and sex, then my mother hit the floor...
    Creeping out of my room awoken after silence broken to witness my mothers eyes swollen, I race down the hallway to help only to get my lips bust open...
    I was trying to scream but words weren't being spoken...
    He jumps on top of me pounding my chest, rests, then places his hands around my neck...choking me lifeless...
    I lose focus...conciseness shortly after the blood doesn't reach my brain and my head lightens...


    A sheer minute of clarity brings me back to this moment...them staring at me frightened...
    As my father eases to stand...I move to remind him of the gun in my hand...
    Mouth bleeding I start speaking...words more so screaming...
    How much I hate him...
    In my eyes corner I noticed a shadow cascading...
    His hands raising, steadaly gazing upon what might end his miserable life...
    I tell him before he utters his last words he better choose wise and think twice...
    He whispers a soft apology to his wife...
    As the anger rushes through my body and becomes more intense, the larger the shadow figure gets...
    I questioned him...
    The gun slowly lowered to my side I asked him why?...
    He looked at me puzzled as if it made a difference......
    I ask him again...why...did you feel you had to apologize?...
    Lifting his head so that his eyes met mine...he just stared with no reply...but his lips moved...
    Anger and frustration infused I raised that gun inbetween his eyes and told him don't move!...
    The shadow figure grew...


    Forcing my hand my father attempted for the gun and fell...
    His face met a shell...
    His last moves of life he spent at my ankles grabbing for me...
    I put one more in brain...my mother started screaming in agony...
    Cursing me...in Gods name...blasphemy...
    The shadow appeared in form of The Grim Reaper asking for me...
    In a daze the room faded...as I look on my mother still screaming...
    The Reapers finger was still lingering...
    As I walked with him I looked back at my father laying lifeless in his blood drenched skin...
    I smiled until I realized I was laying next to him...
    The Reapers hand was hot and out of nowhere he grew horns and a tail...
    My fate sealed with a shot...I asked God for forgiveness as I entered the gates of...
    test
  7. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

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    Ok well...

    Vote = Jook

    Master Peace, I have a couple of pet peeves that, when people cross them, tend to make me scratch my head. You did one of them throughout the entire piece. One of the first things I suggest for writers to do is decide what tense they are going to write in. The problem that arose with your rhyme is that you went back and forth between present and past tense so much that is really took away from any real flow that there could have been. I don't mean flow as in rhythm, more flow as in, clean and natural transitions in the narration of the story. I could give you a bunch of examples, but I think if you go back and read it again, you'll see what I'm talking about. Apart from that, I wasn't really surprised by the ending at all. As soon as you said Shadow I pretty much knew it was "Dr. Death" so to speak. That idea has been explored quite a bit before, but regardless, I think it would have been more effective as a whole if you had forshadowed just a bit less in regard the grim reaper. Then, there might have been some sort of element of surprise. But as it stands, I saw it coming. Technically, this was ok. Some of the lines seemed a little long and the rhymes weren't particularly fancy, but they were ok.

    Jook, I wasn't particularly amazed by this either. I will say that taking the other side of the music causes people to do shit argument was a pleasant surprise as I figured this would be another history lesson about how the kid in the Amish place did this and that. Thanks for not doing that. Too much of that shit going down here nowadays. Did you write this to a really fast beat? It seems like it because the lines were really short. The flow almost reminded me of Got Life? with his short ass lines. The rhymes were sooooolid, but not spectacular. I don't really mind so much because the content was fairly strong, but I know you're capable of more.

    I would say more, but there really isn't much else to say that wouldn't be overkill. Jook is simply the better writer at this point in time and it was pretty much displayed in this battle.
    test
  8. Master Peace

    Master Peace coolest nigga yo mama kno

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    understood...this is my first official RSTL battle so thanx for the feedback. It is greatly appreciated.
    test
  9. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Jook, this started of with an interesting scheme of a guy jackin of to snuff films that I'm almost ashamed I've never thought to use as a concept... lol, the narration was pretty nice for being written in the 3rd person and the flow was consistent through it all. The unfolding story was interesting and graphic as the depression persisted and this read nicely. None of the content seemed forced to be over dramatic or anything, just came together naturally.

    Master Peace, this story was well detailed and the narration was more like one of a book than of a verse, but it was really easy to follow regardless and the emotions within the character helped display a dramatic effect and build the characters within it. After a while I forgot that this didn't flow that well with some stretched lines and not so complex rhymes..... still cool though, the content didn't really reveal anything that wasn't told in the start of this with a gun to dad... good details, just needed more to bring some interesting/creative outlook to it.

    Cool match,

    Vote Jook
    test
  10. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

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    Vote: Jook

    Jook, solid rhyme scheme, nothing too spectacular, but you really didn't have to pull out an A-game verse. The flow was good... the only thing I couldn't vibe with completely was how the story progressed toward the end. I Thought, like I've read from you in the past that you would have developed it a bit more creatively, however, it wasn't bad, it was good.

    Master Peace: I don't know man, this just wasn't good in my opinion. The flow was all over the place, the rhyming very sub-par and the story was decent. The whole situation toward the end just read like something I've read before in this league over and over again. Really intense images of murder and what not... a lot of it had an emotional appeal but it was just nothing new or outstanding to me.

    Jook wins this with a better verse in all categories.
    test
  11. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

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    master peace - this was actually a decent verse, your rhyme was decent, story was aight, what really hurt your verse for me was nothing really stood out, whether it be imagery or flow, nothing was like jumping out at me, there a few wording issues here and there but i feel that your verse was tourney worthy, you just happen to have a tough opponent.

    jook - nice verse, your flow was on point a better than master peace. i really liked the direction in your piece and how it slowly evolved. apparently the narrator of your piece is pretty damaged in the head from upbringing, but i like that shit. ended it fairly well, i think you could of ended it better in my opinion. but dope read none the less

    vote - jook
    test
  12. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

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    I wasnt feeling either verse TOO much to be honest. Master is obviiously new, and hasnt perfected his style yet,, the verse was all over the pplace in some areas and that made it a bitch to read for me. Jook's was cool, he's obviously shaking the rust off after his Brains alias lost, and he hasnt gained his composure back yet fully. The topic wasnt all that creative he went for, the music switch has been done god knows how many times, but all in all- He did enough to secure the win here. Just the more polished verse overall IMO.

    Master has a way to go, he isnt there yet. You should try sticking around int he league man, learn what works and what doenst then develop from there. Seriously. You could do pretty well, its just a bitch that you met Jook first round. Lol.

    Vote - Jook
    test
  13. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Thank you both for showing, Please vote on 4 matches to advance in the tournament.
    test
  14. Master Peace

    Master Peace coolest nigga yo mama kno

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    Yea thas coo everyone...like I say I appreciate the advice. ima get in the league to get better. Jook...nice round man your verse was nice as hell forreal. I already told you Respect before in the other tourney but we'll meet again in the topical league sometime...Good Luck
    test
  15. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

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    Jook- Yeah you obviously took this one. I didn't have any trouble following this or anything and it flowed well. Multis, vocab, imagery was more than enough to get you through this round imo. You metered your lines pretty evenly from section to section as well.

    Mistress Peace- Yeah you need to work on maintaining a steadier syllable count. This was very hard to flow to in my opinion. Narrative was good and you had decent word choice which helped communicate the story. This wasn't nearly as polished as your opponents verse was though.

    Vote - Jook
    test
  16. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

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    Jook - This was an all around sound piece. The rhymes, the story, the flow were all good. The pace and transition was nice, and you were keen on the structure of the verse which I tend to like. I can't say that I liked the story all that much, I mean, it was good, and an a good point of view on music and race in the 21st century. Overall, I think you managed to write a worthy piece.

    MasterPeace - I liked the action in the piece, its always refreshing to read a verse where something is happening. However, I didn't like the execution, I thought the rhymes were sub-par and the lines were just all over the place. I usually don't care if a piece doesn't have a good structure as long as the writer writes in a streeam of conciousness way. But in this piece, I thought you were all over the place and not linear in you're approach. But all in all, it wasn't a bad verse.

    My vote goes to Jook, he just gave the more solid effort.


    vote - Jook
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  17. ConstantFlows

    ConstantFlows New Member

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    quick votes

    jook -- imagery is dope as expected, it continues the storyline as it should very nicely....I like the language for the most part but some fo the rhymes are abrupt (bitch slut whore//receptive to much more ) that sort of shit.......but the story is dope....very real and relatable characters, nice development



    MP -- Nice to see you showed...Your verse was nice, the narration was dope but it had flaws like u went back and forth in tenses...the storyline was kind of cliche as i've seen it before and your rhymes werent your strongest factor

    overall its not that you had a bad verse it that you had a badass opponent and therefore my quickvote goes to JOOK
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  18. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    how in the fuck can you say JOOK wasnt all that... HOW? --- holy shiet... what the hell are u guys reading.... jook... truth be... u are one of my favorite writers ever in RSTL history...ur level of mechanics is spectacular and your word usage is so smooth and so on topic that that alone really pulls u over in most of who u face.. in this case... its easily visible that the structure itself raises above that of MP... but MP utilized an interesting read developed from the content and the emotion.... IMO... its just more of the overall presentation that wins over without much thought... in this case... JOOK is the vote...
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  19. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    Thanks tek I appreciate it man. I think what the voters are saying is that since they expect such a high caliber of writing out of me, anything else (no matter how good in comparison to my opponent) wont be enough. Which is not a good thing because eventually I will end up beating myself, instead of actually losing to a verse of my opponents. Tek though man thanks again bro, that means a lot to me.


    Votes here:

    1. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1031025
    2. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1031028
    3. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1031022
    4. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1031033
    test
  20. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

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    vote - jook

    Jook - this was a nice piece I liked how you used ya words
    the first piece really stood out with regards to wordplay
    the rest was just nice I liked the idea of a dude escaping to music
    I can relate wasnt nothing spectacular just a nice piece

    Master - this was kinda all over the place with a story line
    I get the whole dad beating mom and kid killing dad
    its an ok concept but you didnt make it your own
    because it was so all over the place and you were jumping from
    event to event it was hard for me to enjoy the piece
    and WHY did the kid die cus I still dont get that

    this was a nice piece Jook just outwrote dude
    simple as that but Master did come real nice
    nice battle
    test
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