summer tourney RD 2: 18- baysick V 27- leeharveyoswald

Discussion in 'the Onslaught' started by Vern Acular, Jul 13, 2003.

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  1. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    test
  2. BaySick

    BaySick ill.

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    topic 5
    g'luck you peice of shit.
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  3. Axcent

    Axcent You've all heard of me

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    im posting 859 on thursday
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  4. BaySick

    BaySick ill.

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    Topic=insomnia

    Awaken awkward and my body's achin and shaken..
    Somethin seized me, feels uneasy n my breath has been taken..
    Gotta get my shit together better before work, but I still hurt
    Blood in my veins cause cold throbbin pain, skin glows like it's burnt
    I don't understand what's wrong but I get dressed anyway..
    As I walk downstairs to get my briefcase and see stantafay..
    My dog..She just starts barking at me and backing away swiftly..
    It’s the first time she’s barked like this but im late so I act quickly..
    Out the door into my car…as I get too work I sit down..
    I see my co-workers; they seem frowned as I look around....
    I ask what’s the matter, but they ignore me..and keep working..
    Like they've all turned mute or something, fuck it im still hurting..
    So, I ignore them and take some aspirin but it still throbs a lot..
    Towards the end of the day as im saying bye not one reply I got..
    On my way home in pain still, wondering why everyone is pissed..
    I get home my dog santafay, is still barking and I insisted..
    Something is really wrong with me…as I yell stop, she walks away..
    So I know she heard me, then I go to the couch waiting for santafay..
    Cause she usually comes and wants to play but today she didn’t..
    So I lie down and try to fall asleep but I cant..It’s like im forbidden..
    I’m not aloud to sleep or something..This is the weirdest day of my life..
    Then I get a phone call, I let the machine catch it, and it’s my wife..
    She as programmed her voice on my answering machine..
    But we had got a divorce why would she be over here imposing..
    Then as the person says I’d like to make an offer on ur husbands home..
    I get the phone, they hang up..so I call my wife none answers the phone..
    So I drive there only to see..her sitting on the couch with a note in hand..
    It says iv committed suicide I want you to bury me next to my husband..
    test
  5. LeeHarveyOswald

    LeeHarveyOswald I Rape Children

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    guess my lazy ass should get writing huh?
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  6. LeeHarveyOswald

    LeeHarveyOswald I Rape Children

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    Topic=insomnia


    Eyes heavy, body slow to respond, still sleep doesnt come easy
    No energy to bathe, my body sweaty, my mess of hair greasy
    Not able to move, let alone function, I stay trapped in my room
    Eyelids weigh ten tonnes,god, my sleep HAS To come soon...
    havent been to work in days, if i dont sleep, i wont work to go through
    My bed is simply a foreign land, and I still have about three more cases to do
    None of the old tricks work,body's now sagging, head throbs alot
    Trying to overdose on tylenol just to fall asleep right on the spot
    My legs burning, it's come to a point I cant hold my own weight
    Slumping body down I lookat my pillow,clump my body at the base
    Screaming at my brain "Just end this!! let me sleep!! stop the pain!!!'
    Almost in response my headache grows deeper as I dive to the floor, rubbing my brain
    Suddenly it grows worse, a new degree of pain, past any of my usual migrains
    Still shaking, my mind about to explode from its nest in my cranium, my head being slain
    I cry out to anyone...looking for help, but notice trickles of blood from my mouth
    My chest started to close, breathes shallow, all I think about is my kids and my spouse
    Having an idea that this is the end, I spread my arms, wanting to die intact
    I stop breathing, my body stops shaking, the room falls silent, everything goes black



    Finally two days later a CSI team arrives to investigate the scene of trife
    An autopsy reveals the death was all the work of the younger man sleeping with his wife
    test
  7. BaySick

    BaySick ill.

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    up for votes
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  8. LeeHarveyOswald

    LeeHarveyOswald I Rape Children

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  9. WordSmith!

    WordSmith! 1/3 of Goon Mob

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    vote Demik


    i got to that descion from the way he told his story he came nice and had good imagery all over it and teh twist at the end was better than baysicks and as for baysicks verse he came ight but not strong enuff to beat demiks verse his imagery was decent but his multis lacked in some parts and they were pretty simple and forced well either way good luck to both
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  10. bigKEN

    bigKEN Hoosier Daddy??

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    vote- Demik

    Baysick brought a nice story but I felt like the rhymes were forced in spots. He did bring a lot of good imagery and a helluva nice twist at the end.

    Demik had a good structured verse. Had nice vocab and description to set a good series of scenes. Felt he took this with his better imagery and his twist was a little better. Nice drops by both though
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  11. Complete Chaos

    Complete Chaos I'm Drugs.

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    vote - demik

    had a better twist at the end than bay's... and very nice vocab, and a good story
    test
  12. BaySick

    BaySick ill.

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    damn 3-0...good look demik
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  13. LeeHarveyOswald

    LeeHarveyOswald I Rape Children

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    respect my gangster
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  14. Axcent

    Axcent You've all heard of me

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    i am leeharveyoswald's bitch
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  15. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    this was pretty good, first let me say thanks to both of you for showing, anyway my vote goes to demik, baysick your verse was aight dont get me wrong, but some parts were shifty to me, there was alot of times where i was just mis-led, and the ending was rather mediocre, demik, you didn't have a flawless verse but it was enough to pull out the win, i could follow your piece a lot easier, and i t flowed rather well, props to both, but my vote is for...


    demik
    test
  16. LeeHarveyOswald

    LeeHarveyOswald I Rape Children

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    groovy vern


    do a part 2.


    4-0
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  17. LeeHarveyOswald

    LeeHarveyOswald I Rape Children

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    what? you guys are done voting?


    upp
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  18. Macabre

    Macabre Guest

    Baysick-
    Had a very nice verse, I didn't mind the flow at all. Did have a nice twist at the end, like the others are saying. The only real complaint I have is you stopped talking about insomnia halfway through. Nice story though.

    Demik-
    Nice verse with nice imagery and description. It was almost like reading a book in the description. The twist at the end kinda came from nowhere, but it was nice.

    Vote-Demik, wasn't that he had a better twist or anything but I think he stayed more on topic and had better imagery. Altogether a better verse. Not bad from either though
    test
  19. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    demik goes to the 3rd RD
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