sum ma my struggles

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by cram oremor, Sep 14, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    49
    If you could peek into da pit of my soul you would see

    my hearts wicked so this is why da Lord i seek

    in addition to da wickedness addictions speak

    this combination makes me dangerous like a snake wit feet

    My brains anguished for da bangas on deez angry streetz

    broken families who cracked cuz endz didnt meet

    young women who tricken just to get a treat

    and lil babies whos hungry tummys didnt get to eat

    My homie A-B od'd may he rest in peace

    my boy Chills own 380 put his sould to sleep

    my cousin Danny got blasted in da chest and i wept

    A we laid his body to rest in da cemetery

    my brothers locked up in da penitentiary

    8 more years till time served equals 15

    aint no good time in da federal system

    so im constantly plottin his escape cuz i miss em

    dont get it twisted i aint claimin to be a victim

    im just ventin steam gettin pressure off my sternum



    Feedback 1

    Feedback 2
    test
  2. T.R.C....

    T.R.C.... New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2010
    Messages:
    158
    thats not too bad man rhymes are a little simple and the flow is off in some spots but its ok just work on gettin a little complexity in there and you'll be set
    test
  3. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    49
    thanx homie
    test
  4. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    49
    my protected zone

    I try to let go but my past just echoes

    my hearts attached to da ghetto like da feet of a gecko

    sleep wit a loaded heat unda my sheets

    if a sucka try ta creep ima feed em da metal


    presto, you aint got no head no mo

    ill be dammed if i eva let a man enta my door

    with ulterior motives to bring death to my home

    betta think about it 4 u bring death 2 ur own


    ima christian but wont hesitate to shatter your dome

    take your breath from your chest and give it back to da Lord

    when you enta my protected zone


    Shalom, id ratha live at peace wit choo brutha

    im prayin for da souls in da streets and da guttas

    for da love of da shekle my people killin each otha

    ova da bacon and butta but itz da babies dat suffa


    i think ive had enougha dis planet

    they could drop a nuke and I wouldnt even panic

    dont plan on survivin da damage

    so i wont seek shelta, naw mayne just kickit on da hammock

    hopin dat it lands on da dwellin i inhabit

    cuz i know who im gon spend foreva wit
    test
  5. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    49
    opps meant to make this a new thread ha ha ha
    test
  6. T.R.C....

    T.R.C.... New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2010
    Messages:
    158
    haha that a little better you really religious huh
    test
  7. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    49
    Hes done alot for me. im just trying to keep on da right path
    test
  8. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,245
    pretty good man. As mentioned earlier your flow is real simple, but whats great is your content is good. you writing from the heart, thats good I like it. It makes songs, verses, etc, sound so much more believable.

    keep writing and work on different patterns to rhyme and add some more syllables which will improve how it flows. overall good stuff though. I'd like to see you improve. need a hand? just holla.




    peace
    test
  9. mr.redeyez

    mr.redeyez Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2007
    Messages:
    976
    good shit ma nigg i felt it from begginin to end i can relate to alot of it to keep com'in real wit' it stay up 1
    test
  10. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    49
    thanx glad yall liked it. I'll take the advice to heart!
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)