Successful Relationships....

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Speedy Gunzalez, Nov 14, 2005.

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  1. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    What do you think are some key, essential elements to building a long lasting relationship?

    let's discuss...
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  2. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    I always assumed the usual 'communication', 'respect', yadda yadda yadda, was what it took... but now when I think about it, I see plenty of people in long lasting relationships that aren't genuinley happy - but rather are just content... so I'm not so sure anymore... it does bring up a few other questions for me, though...

    what constitutes 'success' in a relationship..? is it longevity..? can shorter relationships be considered successful... like when a couple splits on amicable terms... by no fault or defect in the actual relationship itself (ex: career/school necessitates a physical move for one partner and they decide to end it because of the distance factor, etc)..? does a long lasting relationship necessarily = a happy or successful one..? I think of that couple on "In Living Color"... you know... that old couple that were trying to kill eachother every five minutes... but at the end of the skit they would cue the cheesey smile and be like "see..? we stiiiiiiiiiill together"... I hear that kind of sentiment from married couples a lot (one reason I'm a little scared to get married)... they hated eachothers guts... but, hey... they stayed together, right? LOL!

    I know you're probably referring to those relationships where both partners are both happy and the relationship is long lasting... but I just wanted to throw that out there, too :)
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  3. Offbeat

    Offbeat New Member

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    love for the other person

    the other person's ur best friend

    two personalities that go together

    respect

    ^^ i think if u got that i dunno how u can fail
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  4. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    A successful relationship occurs when the two people are actively meeting each other's needs. Simple and plain.

    Communication, respect, time, etc... those are all generic, "talk-show psychiatrists" nuggets of pseudo-wisdom... but they fail to be specific and quantify the "nitty gritty" of what it takes for two different human beings to unite and relate well with one another.
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  5. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    You raised some great points and I agree with you.

    There isn't a fixed criteria for what constitutes "successful" in a relationship, but as Ignorant has pointed out, when both partners are content with their current situation and their prospective future together we can assume there to be some form of 'success.' But what success means varies according to the peculiar circumstances of a relationship.
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  6. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    You're right about the "talk-show" relationship counselors. They try to capture a large audience so they cast our their wisdom with large generalizations and broad solutions so that their advice can minimally apply to everybody.
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  7. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    One thing you mentioned, "two personalities that go together," is something that is often times overlooked--compatibility. It seems like once compatibility is established a lot of the other elements seem to follow.
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  8. Hidden_Poetry

    Hidden_Poetry New Member

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    Besides the basic's mentioned above. I think space is a good thing. Sounds odd. But if you have space in your relationship. It's bound to last longer and be happier.

    By space I mean not spending every moment with your partner. But actually doing your own thing once in a while. I know my husband works alot. So we don't see one another all that often. Sure it sucks sometimes. But I enjoy it. It makes us look forward to the times WE HAVE together.
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  9. Lyme

    Lyme Guest

    all we need is love.. sweet love
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  10. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    Great point, Nanijah. I tend to overlook space being of importance.
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  11. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    Lyme, we are discussing the things that enable people to establish and/or maintain love in a partnership.
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  12. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    Mutual respect..honesty..I see those as two important key factors.

    I think mutual respect is the biggest. As soon as one partner loses respect for the other bad things are bound to happen.

    I love that Nanijah mentioned space..that is important...you definitely value the time you have together more if you aren't already around each other each waking moment.
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  13. Hidden_Poetry

    Hidden_Poetry New Member

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    Yep. It's true. I know my friend has been with her now husband for 8yrs. They spend EVERY day together. They both work, no kids. But she has given up all friends and doesn't go ANYWHERE without her man. It makes me sick. THey're always stuck up each other's ass. He wants space, but she freaks if he want to have a day to himself. If I call her, she'll say she needs to spend her time with her husband because she worked all day etc etc. When myself and her other friends haven't seen her for months. It's so weird!!

    My husband and I have also been together 8yrs. But we aren't with each other ALL the time. Which makes those moments so much nicer when we get them, ya know? Just the two of us, something that doesn't happen often. So you cherrish it when it does.
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  14. Syza Koza

    Syza Koza New Member

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    Honesty and being open.

    Can't fail.
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  15. mama21

    mama21 panama-red@blackplanet

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    a mixture of different things not one just thing. i know some need 50 things to make it successful, some need two.i would say communication, being able to talk and letting that other person know everything about you, putting up with eachother's b.s., trust, sex that could be part of the equation. not excluding one another from shit, it could be a number of things.
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  16. MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN

    MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN Ray of Sunshine

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    -Give and take.. the push and pull of everyday life and learning how to deal with your individual issues and your significant others..
    -Putting your needs in front of or behind someone else's needs.
    -Really understanding where your partner is coming from.. If you have open lines and you understand their past, present, and future it makes things a hell of a lot easier on both parties.
    -Not forgetting the individual that you are.. Having a partner is great.. planning every waking moment around them is not.
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  17. urban_tactics

    urban_tactics aka johnny cockram

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    respect + need + passion + security = love
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  18. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

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    1. There has to be passion...when i say passion, I don't neccissarily mean the lust type of passion. I mean, the type of passion that won't let you feel passive, or indifferent toward that person. Like a sort of intense feeling that is undeniable. For example, my SO...whenever we fight, it's like "i hate you! fuck you! bitch!" w/e... but when we're on good terms it's like "i dunno what i'd do without you"...Like, the fire in those words are intense...a lasting successful relationship won't ever be able to withstand time if you just "kinda like, a little bit" the other person, feel me?


    2. There has to be flexibility. Of course with every relationship, there has to be compromises...and if you're too rigid to accomodate your mate, or if you can't bend a certain way for the sake of the relationship, it won't last too long.


    good thread!
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  19. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    That "fuck you bitch" passion is the best way to kill it for me. I just don't like the drama... if I get to the point where I want to knock you the fuck out, then it's time for me to leave the relationship, because I like my freedom and I don't like rockin' orange jumpsuits.

    A mature person is able to manage their emotions effectively and not become psychotic when things don't go their way. Emotional instability is a huge turn-off for me.


    1
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  20. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    Could you elaborate on what you mean by "need."

    I'm assuming you mean a need to be in a relationship or maintain it. But I could be misinterpreting what you meant.
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