Street Ballad

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Infonation, Jun 16, 2003.

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  1. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

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    I know how to move in the streets, whether it's dark or night, or wrong or right

    I walk that very thin line, its your shoulder when your driving

    There's a line between love and hate, when your partner's out there coniving

    My face, faces the street, and traffic when i approach

    Some playas try to play me, but they don't know i'm the coach

    I run plays and run playas if they miss their shot

    And when the tough get goin, the gettin gets got

    Friction leads to fire, and the fire is oh so hot

    Hot, when your walkin the street at 12 o'clock, in the afternoon

    The reflection of the sun, off the tar, of the street, is equivalent to an Outback's monsoon

    Water everywhere, sometimes even down your face

    Tears may come closer, when a product of the street is your case

    Can't erase, the history, that made you to be

    But if your true to yourself, the truth will set you free



    ***This piece is to show what i'm thinking, when I have to walk, to get to where i'm going.
    test
  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Decent piece. Wished it was a lil longer, but that's cool. Had a few lines that stood out.

    "Can't erase, the history, that made you to be
    But if your true to yourself, the truth will set you free"

    nice lines

    one luv
    test
  3. L-M-INT

    L-M-INT New Member

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    test
  4. L-M-INT

    L-M-INT New Member

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    keep up ur good work homie....... n contact me on aim : stayingeedup
    peace
    test
  5. varentao

    varentao New Member

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    In my own way (i dunno if it's the same way as yourself, highly unlikely..)..i feel this in the 'relating' sense...

    ...so it did make me like it that little bit more...

    ...it was an interesting journey was this piece. A bit akward once or twice if i was to take a step back and put my critique cap on...but overall, it didn't matter..

    ...rounded off superbly...

    ..resp..
    test
  6. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

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    Thanx for the feedback bloods, stay up. ^One
    test
  7. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    interesting..not too shabby
    test
  8. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    this was a nice lil drop...like the other piece better....but keep it up nice job
    test
  9. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    I'ma be honest with you....I wasn't feelin this too tough... It all started with the first line saying "whether dark or night"....that kinda messed up the whole momentum.The theme of it is cool, but I think you can do a lot better with the rhyme scheme. It seemed like it was force.I'm not saying all this shit, to try to tear you down, I'm saying this cuz I'm being honest, and I'm making suggestions to help you step it up a little bit. Keep writing.
    test
  10. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    I agree with augee.ali , I was a bit thrown off with the 'dark or night' ..and some lines I had to re-read ..but that's just the flow of the poem..right? overall I thought what you did do with this piece was nice. what you could have done would have been awesome..not sure you'll understand..
    test
  11. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

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    You have potential, yet you aren't fulfilling it with this piece. Just the whole concept wasn't appealing, well at least for me. Other than that, your words are quite smooth and some of the lines actually did catch my eye, yet this could've been much longer and much more influential, because the words your choose were everyday words. Show a little more emotion and vocabulary to define indepth feelings, get to the core of them with better word choice, not simplicity, because at times it doesn't get to the 'core' of what you're feeling, na'mean? Oh well.. My blessings..
    test
  12. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

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    I thank everyone, for responding, i'll try to take the comments, and use them, to better my writing.
    ^One world, one life, one love
    test
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