Storming eyes p.1 section 1

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by DethStryque, Jan 24, 2011.

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  1. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    STORMING EYES PART 1...Section 1,section 2 is in the next post...

    You see that boy over there? by himself in the dark?
    He used to smile and laugh.Yes him...that boy
    He's too young to know he has a broken heart
    Hes too young to have tragedy steal his joy
    W.E.B. Dubois spoke on Black Folks' Souls
    bluest blues ain't no new news to us
    Though lightning flashes and thunder rolls
    We sing a freedom song that can't be crushed
    Somebody,teach this boy to sing! Sing,and KEEP SINGING
    'specially in the shadows!!
    Somebody,tell his mother her baby is hurting
    Tell his father his boy is locked in battle
    Demons assail his innocent spirit
    Their names are Cruelty,Pain,and Loss
    Till he has no trust.Human touch? he'll fear it
    For kind words always preceded torture.
    You see,bluest blues ain't news to us
    Bluest Blues is only news to him.
    He is the smallest.singled out as prey
    To the predators...police,teachers,peers
    Always was he thrown into the bloody fray
    To the sound of hateful cries and jeers
    Hate gnaws at his very bones
    Ice cold fire runs through his veins
    Silent,shadow cloaked,he stalks,he glides
    With furious thunder and gathering rain
    Wraiths writhe and spirits dance like pain...
    Their chants igniting the flame,in his
    STORMING EYES


    You see that boy over there? By himself with his fears?
    He has the biggest heart and pretty brown cat's eyes!!
    But he hasn't hugged,smiled,or laughed in years
    Since he held two more friends as they died
    He doesn't know that ages old hate of Men
    Based on religion,sex,or poverty
    Or those who hate for the color of skin
    And traffic in humans as property
    He's too young to know a pain so deep
    He's too young to see the world with eyes so old
    He's too young to have demons stalk his sleep
    He's too young to feel the chill of a life so cold.
    Ya see,Bluest blues ain't new news to us
    Bluest blues is just news to him.
    But he's a special child.Well,all kids are
    But this one...his gifts are rare on Earth
    Raised under the Falcon and the Morning Star
    With the Panther,the Wind,the Word
    The Air,The Flames,The flowing River
    He has the slave's shame,the Pharoah's pride
    A mind keen as enchanted blades of silver
    And a Storm glowing in his eyes.
    You see,Bluest blues ain't new news to us
    Bluest blues is just news to him.
    Hold this child.His heart's still strong
    Many wanted to kill him.many have tried
    Yet still he clings to right over wrong...
    Many friends abandoned him.Many have died
    A hero he is.But he doesn't know it
    He fights and he fights,but never complains
    He's in soul deep agony,but he won't show it
    He's so alone,even his heart is held in chains.
    You see,Bluest blues ain't no new news to us
    Bluest blues is just news to him.
    He's the smallest of all,singled out as prey
    To the predators...police,teachers,peers
    But with a warrior's cry,he enters the fray
    A hurricane that's been building for years
    IN HIS STORMING EARS
    test
  2. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    STORMING EYES P.1 Section 2

    TWELVE YEARS AGO: SAN DIEGO,CA--THE GHETTO



    Man,we're just playing ball...

    FREEZE!! HANDS UP N GIT OVER HERE ******
    OR WE'LL BLOW HOLES IN YA LIVER WHEN WE EXPLODE ON THE TRIGGER
    PLUS WE'RE ARMORED N BIGGER! SO KEEP YA MOUTH DAMN SHUT
    YOU STAND UP THE MAG BUSTS,GIT TAZERED N HANDCUFFED!!


    Man,we're just playn ball...

    YOU'RE NUTHIN BUT BUNCHES OF JUNKIES N MONKIES
    FELONS IN TRAINING,FAILURES DROP-OUTS N FLUNKIES
    WELFARE CHECK CASHIN,BAGGY PANTS SAGGIN
    FIFTEEN YEARS OLD AND ALREADY A HAS BEEN!!
    FLAP YA TONGUE TA DISS ME N GIT THE GUN N QUICKLY
    COPS BANG CAUSE WE'RE THE GANG THAT RUNS THE CITY!!

    Man,we're just playin ball...

    BE STILL HO OR WE'RE GONNA STEEL TOE BOOT YOU
    GIVE YOU THE NIGHTSTICK RIGHT QUICK AND *SLIDE,KLICK* SHOOT YOU
    SLAM YOU DOWN FACE FIRST CAUSE YOU LACKIN RESPECT
    GIT SMACKED WITH A TEK N STOMPED ON THE BACK OF YA NECK


    man,we're just playin ball...

    WHAT YOU SAY ******? YOU BETTER WATCH YA TONE,BOY!!
    I'LL PISTOL WHIP YA BITCH AND GLOCK POP YA HOMEBOY!
    YOU INNOCENT? ****** I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU TELLIN ME
    CAUSE 2 ******S TOGETHER MEANS YOU'RE PLANNIN A FELONY
    WHAT YOU SCAMMIN OR SELLIN,WEED? YOU'LL NEED A NEW HEARSE
    CAUSE I JUST DECIDED YOU'RE THE ****** I SHOOT FIRST!!


    Man,we're just playin ball..oh Sh#t,he's blastin!! kick rocks!!

    pigs are quick with the gunnin,so we're runnin this track hard
    hittin corners,flippin gates n sprintin thru backyards
    black cars n sirens attack dogs n firin
    9 years old,and i'm already scared of dyin
    i'm duckin dodgin n rollin,veerin every whichaway
    bullets fly by my head chest n legs then ricochet
    this ain't happenin,i'm panickin,this is a nightmare!
    a ricochet hit my shoulder, i almost died right there!!
    ran by a car and ducked by a Pinto
    gun flash,crash! bullets bust out the window
    i'm scared.i wish for my mother and father
    but they can't save me from the dogs and revolvers
    my father taught us:"A man's honor can't be corrupt.
    He protects truth always,and never gives up."
    i decided right then no matter what they tried that
    i wasn't going to die,plus i'm gonna fight back!!
    Hide in the Pinto's back seat next to a crack pipe
    but a cop came by and looked with his flashlight
    "There's a ****** here Bill!! shoot to kill!"
    i used my skill to serve a boot to his grill
    rolled out the other side,football juked a cop
    ran up the alley,climbed a bin and jumped to rooftops
    BANG BANG,i heard a crash,a grunt and a shout
    they shot one of us and stomped another of us out
    then i saw Dee-Dee across the street dashin
    the cops' dog was on him,cause they couldn't catch him
    he trash canned the dog,but the cops started blazin
    he started skatin,but just when they thought they made him
    i threw some rocks,hit the cops,n hauled out
    Dee Dee was passin me,that's when i called out:
    "YO!" "Oh shit!" Don't trip DEE DEE!'
    "ras,where you at?" "by the 'graffitti' where they can't 'see me'."
    "why they trippin,ras?" "we're Black,so cops will 'blast us.'be quiet and don't trip,they'll go right 'passed us.'"
    "the 'bast-uds'! Man,we ain't even 'do nothin'"
    "i know,but we ghetto kids and too poor to 'sue someone'"
    "what's that? 'who's comin'?" "shhh,dee,'keep it low'.it's a cop with a flashlight 'creepin real slow'."
    "oh shit,there 'he go.' we gotta 'flee home!"
    "quiet,Dee-Dee my brotha,he'll pass and 'keep on'."(pronounced:"own")
    "Ras,we gotta run while his back is 'to us'."
    "Dee,he at strapped.if we run,he'll 'shoot us'."
    "Ras,we can 'do this.'" "Dee,don't be 'foolish'.
    remember 'hide-and-seek'?this 'triflin creep' will be 'clueless'."
    "he not lookin,ras,i'm out!" "don't be trippin,dee,chill!"
    "ras,my house is only at the 'base of the hill',i won't stay here so he can 'blaze in my grill'."
    "he don't know we here,so 'stop jumpin'.
    you keep movin,he'll see it and 'pop somethin' with 'glock dumpin'."
    "he's comin!" "dee,stop panickin,
    please--!"
    "ras,i'm out!!" "HEY,FUCKIN ******,FREEZE!!"
    but dee kept 'fleeing','speeding'
    'seeing' he was nearly 'home'
    when the bullets caught him and cracked his dome
    the cop laughed,pumped his fist,and said:"got him.
    calling units.that ****** who was running? i shot him!"
    the radio came back:"there's still more little felons
    we got three in a car,two are 10,one is eleven.
    plus five more ten year olds runnin.."
    "so there's more huntin? alright Bill,i'm comin!"
    i ran to DEE DEE, i never seen so much bleedin!!
    and he was so still...he wasn't even breathin
    i trembled and whispered:"Don't give up,don't leave
    c'mon DEE ya gotta breathe.Man ya gotta breathe..."
    but on that horrid night,twenty feet from his porch light
    DEE,age 12,passed forth from life
    i held his body to my heart,shaking in grief and pain
    look closer...these aren't tears,it's RAIN.from my
    STORMING EYES...
    test
  3. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    The censor "*****" out the word "n!44er" that the cops were using in the above piece.
    test
  4. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    nearly 130 views and no comments? Lol can SOMEbody comment please? Constructive criticism and honest thoughts? Thanx
    test
  5. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    Hmmmm ok part 1 seemed very repetitive kind of said a lot of the same thing in each line took a while for the story to develop. Seemed like a lot of icing. Never the less it made a good prelude into part 2. To me part 2 was fire, the communication break down was a nice touch between the cops and the boys. Really was able to get into it. The flow in part 2 was nice as well, the rhyme scheme stayed pretty consistent and nothing seemed forced, flowed nicely man.
    test
  6. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Thanks man a whole lot.The piece is actually ONE POEM,but the post size limits in here forced me to break the poem into two pieces.I'm very glad that you liked at least a part of the poem,lol.The first part was a blend of the styles of spoken word,old skool blues,lyrical poetry,and a touch of bardic tales,so it was designed to reach out differently.Again,thank you so very much for your feedback!
    test
  7. Bar nigga

    Bar nigga 314 STL Ancient of daze..

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    good shit deth

    shit was visual as fuck

    do more of these...section 2 was deals
    test
  8. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    good lookin out my brutha I will mos def try to keep droppin more of these man.I really hope you guys like the material that I drop man.Thank you very much bruh.
    test
  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    My comments are for secton one, the part I liked best.

    A strong voice here, written with a wisdom, ageless enough to echo the future fate of this child. It was believable. Many stark passages here, but two caught my eye and I thought they were remarkable:

    Somebody,tell his mother her baby is hurting
    Tell his father his boy is locked in battle
    Demons assail his innocent spirit
    Their names are Cruelty,Pain,and Loss


    ^ The bold really solidified this passaged and finished it from being average to great. Good set up. As a whole, this is a unifying piece to te message at large and in these short lines you did a lot for the work.
    and


    Raised under the Falcon and the Morning Star
    With the Panther,the Wind,the Word
    The Air,The Flames,The flowing River
    He has the slave's shame,the Pharoah's pride
    A mind keen as enchanted blades of silver
    And a Storm glowing in his eyes.


    ^ The bold gave me goose bumps. The rest as a whole is an excellent example of imagery and power tangled in some written voice of yours, which makes your voice powerful and wise.
    test
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