SNIPER SHOT: Deth to Mr. Flux

Discussion in 'Emcee Battle Area' started by DethStryque, Aug 20, 2012.

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  1. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    Getting very interesting indeed and I appreciate the detailed votes.

    However, I'm happy to let this one run it's course Deth. If I had the time to dedicate to sitting down (wish I could even do that, I do most of my posting on my phone) and throw a second verse up then I would, but i'm not about to say yeah and then no-show for the second verse and waste your time, making myself look foolish in the process.

    However, in the near future when my shit's straight I will take up your challenge of a 3 round punchline extravaganza.
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  2. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    I very much prefer 3 round battles. They really make it clear who the winner is, much more so than 2 rounders. Anytime you're ready? Let's get that. Hurry up and get your ducks in line, Flux. Lookin forward to it.

    As for this battle? Okay cool. One round it is. Good luck.
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  3. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    A couple more votes would be appreciated.
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  4. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Well said
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  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    i guess it all comes to peference..

    Flux had some pretty punchline formulas here n there, a lil filler n sum generic concepts' but he didn't have as much individuality such as Deth with his intense rhyme patterns and
    complex metaphors and punchlines. both of your structures kinda urked me b/c the lines were massively long, unless your spitting in triple time some of those bars mighta been a bar n a half lol.... but altogether what really makes Deth stand out more then Flux IMO is his creativity, and his leaps of rhyming faith were he leans strongly on his inner rhymes and end rhymes. and weaves them altogther creating a ridiculous cannibus-esque feel too it.. were as flux style seemed pretty cliche and predictable he did however have some well played punches and was a formidable opponent for deth..

    Deth edges my vote by a few inches...
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  6. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Deth up 2-1-1...close voting. Please I remind airyone to use the RWZ Guidelines for the categories in your vote to make your reasoning clear. It's actually REALLY FAST. All you gotta do is copy and paste the categories, put the name of the rapper who won the category next to each category...then write a 4 line minimum explanation at the end. Takes 5 minutes tops. Thanks.
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  7. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    FLUX
    I’m a full-blooded vet to null your poor funny text,
    Cause’ when death strikes, um… nobody’s dead.
    Fuck this lone-hooded sket, I’ll ravage ya throat loser,
    And watch you choke on more lines than amateur coke users.
    [Opening bar was decent with the nameplay after getting by the setup,
    and the coke user line flowed beautifully. 9/20]

    Votes through the RWZ seemed kosher… but hold up, unlimited words?
    I seen ya thinking at work…
    Cause’ natural death struck most voters before they finished ya verse.
    And if I’m skinning ya words? Ya say nothing that’s beginning to hurt,
    This is like a photo finish for third cause' I’d probably win with reserves.
    [Your final punch didn't hit as hard as I was hoping,
    but your flow is on point to say the least.
    Your bar before felt very personal,
    I liked the attack and angle a little better. 14/20]

    Sing a hymn for this nerd, we need a funeral to ditch this pest,
    Feels like I’m sinning in church the way I show Deth such disrespect.
    I’ll flick this speck of shit off the internet and leave ya spleen scarred D,
    Even Police searched ya verse but couldn’t find a punch like an illegal teen party.
    [Your first bar here hit with the nameplay/flow.
    The next bar started off well too, but I wasn't feeling the punch as much,
    12/20]

    Ya teams hardly startling, I’ve a gang of fiends to nail ya coffin,
    The cause of Deth was a broken condom and four failed abortions.
    Just take a forfeit, or battle me with a mic to test this,
    Cause’ Deth’s got more poor traits than a gallery of life-like sketches.
    [:O MAN!!!!! That poor traits was almost worded PERFECT!
    (the rhyming of it wasn't perfect)
    If it was worded better that bar would of been your best of the battle,
    Definitely your best set of bars in the battle tho Flux,
    tho not the most original. 12/20]

    Ya highlights? Wretched, this cunt’s rhymes are best barred,
    So Deth’s mad…
    Cause’ he’s the only rapper in net past who’s punchlines get stretchmarks.
    You won’t get far with ya endless couplets of horrendous verbs,
    And ya subtexts just plain absurd…
    Newsflash from 2001 – posting links to explain ya shit just makes it worse.
    [LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMNNNNNN.
    You had me grinning with that last punch shuuuun!!
    Honestly the opening bar I felt to be ironic,
    you talked about stretched bars and it came back to haunt you.
    ALSO if u woulda been like
    posting links to exlpain ya verse just makes it worse, that would been shhick!
    15/20]

    I hate this herb, my plan? To expose the filler in this bellend’s verse,
    Deth’s hypeman? Synonym in MS word.
    I got the killer blend of wit that surges through the voters brains,
    Someone choke this lame -
    Cause’ I’m close to enough material to start a fucking clothing range.
    [I wasn't feeling the first bar. Their was a punch at-least,
    the next one I felt was more bragging than going in on your Opponent.
    11/20]

    So refrain from talking glock's and tek’s kid, its wreckless so rest it,
    You ain’t even fit in the block in Tetris.
    I’m shitting you not - I’ll dead flips, don’t hold out and test my bars D,
    Cause’ this win is in no doubt like Gwen Stefani.
    Send ya army from the LBC, emcees'll see hell freezing before I -
    Lose to a rapper with forced rhymes, cause' I aint took an L since Before Christ.
    [LMAO @ Tetris line. pfffft Flux going in!!! YEAH!
    Three solid hitters, and though not the most original,
    you picked the flow back up and kept the punchlines consistent.
    20/30]

    SCORE:113/150
    75%
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  8. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    DETH
    Flux? My lush freestyles change ya visions of winnin tuh crushed dreams now
    My bars got Pacquiao punches. Hits sound like:"PACK!" n Flux screams:"YOW!!"
    Flux is such a wussy I bet that kat meows. Trust. When I thrust in ya slut's bush...me make that cat meow
    [LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo,
    me make that cat meow. Structure was different than what I'm used to,
    but the punches hit,
    the opening setup didn't hit hard with a punch but came correct with creativity.
    15/20]

    Outrap me how? My explodin rhyming pattern got the touch of the Roman divine king Saturn
    My flowin de-spines teams scatter n shatter ya ghey chatter batter ya grey matter
    With way badder melee chapters of punchlines that crunch spines n bust yer cranium like scything daggers
    [Your first bar here seems largely flowing and less hardhitting punches,
    the setup for example seemed a bit more clever than the punch.
    The next bar ended with a simile/punch, but I feel it wasn't your most creative,
    11/20]
    Deth's Stryquing rappers til you're in underground holes like subterranean climbing caverns!!
    My ink pen sinks men from England! Flux...boy...you stay in a flat in Manchester?
    You're facin Deth!! Stop touchin boys!! Face n scrap with a MAN...Chester!!
    Your raps are "pantywaist" like a transdresser!! I'm the King of the ring! You's a damn jester
    [Oooohshit! WOKE up a bit here. The setup had thought behind it,
    the punch wasn't there but it was more a large setup to the next bar,
    the one which I was Ooo0ing too.
    The damn Jester ending worked but it wasn't your most original take to a bar.
    13/20]
    One blow stops ya flow like damn hecklers cuz you's a little bytch like Frans Dresher
    Just an excerpt from Deth's words...Uh stretch this man like I blammed his damn sweatshirt!
    I ain't raising pigs but I am the ham expert! Flux save me the trouble n slash your neck
    Reading your bars is TORTURE for the voters...that's why they asked for Deth!!
    [The setup to the first bar was dirty, set the mood right,
    the punch wasn't the most original but it was gutta,
    The final punch here was sick but could of been worded better to me,
    were it seemed more like they were voting for you as well as asking for deth,
    uno? good punchline eitherway. 14/20]

    Dawg I'm uh smash your text n hock uh medley tuh fissure ya gizzard and
    Chop ya head off like neck rubs from Baraka and Eddie Scissorhands!!
    Drop ya with deadly pissed words fam, best listen close mister man...
    Aint no survivin duke, cuz what's inside of you is faker than blood dopin
    So I'm uh hitcha with lasers n SCUD smokin, n razor ya guts open with
    [The opening bars wording wasn't the best,
    but the punchline was fresh and the bar after seemed gutter,
    but not the most creative. 13/20]

    halcyon written steez
    That splitcha teeth n shatter ya bones like calcium deficiencies!! Kickin frees? Briton please!!
    My "TOXIC" rockets make that chicken flee til I throw Spears through his "Britney//briton knee"
    Laugh n make him watch me dick his breeze while she shouts:"Deth's the best in written leagues!"
    [OKAY. Some creativity to keep me entertained.
    The FINAL setup to the FINAL punch wasn't worded the best but the wordplay found was clever,
    The final punch would of been better had you of not had the sick hit on his dame earlier.
    The bar before it wasn't the most original but it flowed decently!
    13/20]

    N when I'm done with that frickin skeeze? I'll walk up to him strip his cheese grip the three click n squeeze!
    I'm rippin dweebs like Flux who fronts like his flowin's winnin
    But when tested? Results showed he got no dope within him! And no hope
    Or antidote against my spoken venom that broke his throat n hit 'im with adjectives
    That got colder gifts than Santa's Crib.
    [gun bars just reach to me sometimes! ESPECIALLY if they flow like that.
    The ending punch was there, though not the hardest,
    but the setup to it was great, filled with EXCELLENT structure/word selection.
    17/20]
    I'll smash ya lid if ya test mate
    Flex hate? I'll ram a glacier thru ya chest plate. Checkmate.
    Deth fake? Don't take that bet mate! I'm the verse slayer puttin hands on ya organs like church players
    You'll get served player! Cuz when Deth Stryques Flux he gets his neck sliced crushed
    [The opening bar was sick. Not the most realistic of punches but flowed great!
    The final bar here wasn't hard hitting compared to the other material showing up around this time in the verse, though the Setup was there.
    13/20]
    From flames that leaves his best rhymes slushed! You ain't leavin this brawl intact!
    Start fallin back...or get stretched across Earth like doin yoga on the almanac!!
    Flux? You're clueless! I'll dagger ya back...Brutus...n for thinkin ya verse is warm?
    I'll script hot flames...bluish...then act Jewish. Deth Passover ya best puns n redrums ya first-born
    [The punch in the first bar was there, but I wasn't feeling the setup,
    The setup to the final bar was the same, punch was again there hitting.
    12/20]

    I call this verse Sniper Shot cuz one round's flow puts sundown cold like midnight winter
    N gotcha inside splintered like I flaired ya hat with a pair of gats and Arafat nuclear air attacks!
    You'll get worse than embarassed, Jack! You'll git mauled...bear attack...by terrible rude rhymin
    That puts ya lid to my cans like perishable food items n air you dopes like crack incense
    I ain't changin ya clothes when I throw you Brit Red Coats in black trenches
    Mr. Flux gitz smacked senseless! You're from England? My punchlines sonning notes
    Hit like the artist David Hockney's stunning strokes til you're flat back n broke like bummy blokes
    From uppercuts that make Flux tummy float...
    Then I'll let his fam see that the guns we tote got everybody dyin like funny jokes.
    [WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.....THIS IS WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR!
    Finally you let the flow take over.
    The opening bar here was your best of the battle easy,
    the Crack incense bit didn't flow the best to me,
    but then you picked up where you left off and delivered punches.
    35/40]

    SCORE: 156/220
    71%
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  9. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    Yeah this forum SUCKs because it can't handle a fucking breakdown,

    Anyways I lost my whole voting section....I had to cut and paste SOOO much lmao
    too pissed


    EDIT: Im an idiot and found it
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  10. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    Tripping nvm
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  11. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    Flow-FLUX.
    His verse was went through the easiest.

    Unoriginality-TIE. Both had played concepts.
    Wordplay-TIE. Both of you had one that stick out in my memmory,
    Poor traits and Brittan knee.

    Punches-TIE. I had Flux written here but had to call it a tie,
    both of you took time off going in on your opponent to brag, etc.

    Personals-TIE. (Damn another tie??? :( ) I haven't been around much so I don't know everything about this sites "insiders",
    but both had what I would consider personals, Flux had a few hard hitters,
    Death many england jabs and one fine punch.

    Creativity-DETH. The last 8 bars were pretty intense,
    and above all else wording/creativity seems to be your strong suit.

    Score-With 75%, FLUX.

    OVERALL TOTALL:
    DETH-3
    FLUX-4
    VOTE: FLUX...I think the breakdown speaks for itself,
    with a 3-4 finish, this one was close, but I have Flux edging it.

    BAR OF THE BATTLE
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  12. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Excellent breakdown!! Thanks Lungzz! 2-2
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  13. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    Your breakdown was fucking immense. Some serious time spent on it which is much appreciated and lets me know where I fell short. Wish that kind of effort/enthusiasm was practiced by a few others but yeah, I guess we're at 2-2. One more vote should do it.
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  14. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Word Lungzz put it down. So did patrown. Patrown straight kilt it. So did smitty.

    This battle is too close to call. Far as I'm concerned? Idc who gets the 3rd vote. This is a draw. Where I'm from? 2-2-1 ties go to a winner who has 5 votes or they're automatically draws [ unless a title is on the line; in which case the 5 vote rule is invoked ].

    So this right here is a draw as far as I'm concerned.

    So we need a rematch. 2 rounds, man. 48 bars. Real flames top to bottom. You down?
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  15. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    cuz one round's flow puts sundown cold like midnight winter
    N gotcha inside splintered like I flaired ya hat with a pair of gats and Arafat nuclear air attacks
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  16. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Lol I liked that couplette up there, too. I thought that couplette combined with the Manchester/MAN...Chester punch would've snared the "pure" Wordplay category.

    Guess I got more work to do. Thanks Lungzz. Thanks everyone who voted. I really appreciate the thorough breakdowns that you guys and galz have put on this thread, and you'll definitely see the improvement in my next battle.

    I'm trying to get FLUX to go another round, but he seems to be madd bizzy. In his defense? He said he would be madd bizzy too, so...hopefully grimey and I can get this battle going.
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  17. Aesthet1c

    Aesthet1c The Morning Star

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    MrFlux001:

    First off, you started well. You seem confident but when I got to " your poor funny text..." Speaks for itself.

    Bars for improvement:

    -Ya say nothing that’s beginning to hurt
    -Even Police searched ya verse but couldn’t find a punch like an illegal teen party
    -So Deth’s mad…
    -Deth’s hypeman? Synonym in MS word.
    ^^Cmon, grammar is a must.^^
    -You ain’t even fit in the block in Tetris.

    Kills it:

    -And watch you choke on more lines than amateur coke users.
    -Cause’ natural death struck most voters before they finished ya verse.
    -This is like a photo finish for third cause' I’d probably win with reserves.
    -Newsflash from 2001 – posting links to explain ya shit just makes it worse.
    ^^Surprised your the first to use this as a diss on stryque, props.^^ but its not the best bar.... still


    SUMMARY:

    You come off edgy with intentions definite. Though wordplay was lacking and good bars were mixed with the bad so it delved into an actual song I wouldn't mind listening too if it had a good ring. But in the areas you did bad in, well bad. "deths mad.." Sooooo childish. Stick to metaphors and disses, thats what your strong looks like. Never seen u around so I cant give too much more solid critique.


    DethStryque:

    Strong name diss right of the bat

    Bars for improvement:

    -With way badder melee chapters of punchlines that crunch spines n bust yer cranium like scything daggers
    ^^Crunch and Bust are verbs that cant work with a scything dagger.^^
    -Kickin frees? Briton please!! My "TOXIC" rockets make that chicken flee til I throw Spears through his "Britney//briton knee"
    ^^Not sure I get this one, it seems like theres thought in it but "toxic,rocket,chicken,spears,britney, briton knee..^^
    -That got colder gifts than Santa's Crib. I'll smash ya lid if ya test mate
    -You'll get served player! Cuz when Deth Stryques Flux he gets his neck sliced crushed
    ^^ again with the verbs ^^

    Kills it:

    -Hit like the artist David Hockney's stunning strokes til you're flat back n broke like bummy blokes
    -N gotcha inside splintered like I flaired ya hat with a pair of gats and Arafat nuclear air attacks!
    -Deth fake? Don't take that bet mate! I'm the verse slayer puttin hands on ya organs like church players
    -Flex hate? I'll ram a glacier thru ya chest plate. Checkmate.
    -Then I'll let his fam see that the guns we tote got everybody dyin like funny jokes.


    SUMMARY:

    Everytime I see your battles you improve, you got punchlines, amateur comedy and colossal attacks down. The only major problem I had with this piece was the poor use of verbs and adjective's which can be crucial in a rappers arsenal. Work on your comedy, Imagery and literal translations. Wordplay, Vocabulary, Flow. Deth takes another one.

    V/Deth

    Comes off better polished, more thought provoking. Better flow, more aggressive. Disses were good but comedy was a tie, yall both should never be comedians.
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  18. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Dazzling vote, man. Thorough and well thought out. Lololololol "yall both should never be comedians" lolololololol. I am definitely going to take to heart all of the things that you mentioned here. Thank you,man.

    I believe that you, Flux, said that one more vote ought to determine the winner. That means that Deth won a very close one, 3-2. And I battled Aesthet1c so you know that he's not biased as a voter.

    Up for a rematch, Flux? 2 rounder this time.
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  19. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    Yeah cool, good battle Deth, a well deserved win.

    But, i'm a bit surprised at some of the criticism from Aes - I guess I don't understand it.

    How and why should I improve "So Deth's mad..."? It's not a bar in it's own right, and is merely a visual to lead the reader onto the punch. I'm not sure exactly how it's "soooo childish". A strange thing to pick up on.

    How and why should I improve "Ya say nothing that's beginnig to hurt"? Again, it's, I don't know, a normal enough line to lead into the punch.

    Nevermind, battle over, Deth wins.
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  20. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Even though this battle is technically a win for me? I don't consider razor thin margins of victory like this won an ACTUAL win, ya know? Like I said before: we need a rematch. 2 rounder, full warfare. You did a good job in this battle man. A really good job. The only other person to have taken me to the wire is smitty, and he deserves a rematch AND a THREEmatch if he's down for it. I extend the same offer to you. I hope you accept.
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