SE: 7. Brains vs. 10. Deadking

Discussion in 'RSTL Grudge Matches and Tournaments' started by Baron Mynd, Jan 23, 2007.

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  1. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

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    All rules that are applied in the league will also be enforced for regulating the tournament. If you're not familiar with the rules of the RSTL, please read them HERE!:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=876433

    The only difference will be that in this tournament, your opponent will get to pick your topic for you. Topics must be picked and posted within the match thread within 1 day. If it's not posted, the opponent of the person that didn't pick a topic in time will get to choose his/her own topic.

    One more additional rule and this one is crucial so you all need to be aware of this. If you do not vote, you will not advance in the tournament at all. I don't care how many votes you're winning by, you will need to vote to advance on 4 matches weekly. When the league re-opens, these 4 matches will include voting on league matches. And in the elite 8 before the league reopens, there will be only 3 matches to vote on. That will be the only exception, but all 3 matches will require your vote. Voting matches a tie will not be permitted and won't count as a vote.

    Topics will be up Tuesday 12am PST every week and topical choices are due Wednesday 12am PST and verses are due Sunday 12am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich with votes due Tuesday 12 am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich

    Also, there will be no recycling allowed. Nothing you've ever posted anywhere online will be allowed. The mods will be checking verses for authenticity with online search engines.

    This is a match by match tournament so there will probably be no show wins and losses.

    Topics Are HERE!: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1030432

    Lets Get Ready To Ruuuuuuuummmmmmmbbbbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeeee!​
    test
  2. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
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    758
    test
  3. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 1999
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    1,517
    test
  4. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
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    The Clearest of Nights

    "There is no remedy for love but to love more."
    -Henry David Thoreau

    To my surprise…I kind of cried when finally the time arrived
    …watched the coffin close, and quietly sighed goodbye
    The good go young, so, the Reaper’s highly biased
    …but who am I to decide when the time to die is...?
    Truthfully … there wasn’t much room for me at the funeral
    …didn’t need to be reminded the corpse used to be beautiful
    Now in its newest state … bruised and rudely glued in place
    …gruesome, body sloppily draped. God I rue the day…
    Calmly drew away at the ceremony’s conclusion
    …secluded in a clueless stupor … lonely confusion
    Only illusions enclose me, this isn’t life it’s a clone of it
    …couldn’t go home now and knew it so I just roamed a bit
    Soul resists to fold to the momentum meant to hold me back,
    …at my old cul-de-sac, memories of stroller straps
    buckled brother safely. My mother kept our home in tact
    …rode us on her back which almost made her swollen shoulders crack

    Know that, it kills me to wander here, though I choose to do it
    but in a way its soothing so I’ll view it till the noose is loosened


    I used to use this park as a safe haven to let it out
    In darker days, came this way to erase hatred and settle down
    Now as I pass it by, I’ve half a mind to climb the slide again
    Little Billy’s sitting in the swing I holler “hi” to him
    Yelled his name again … he was always a friend that listened
    but now he doesn’t hear me…I remember my condition
    Swiftly the vision vanishes, of Billy’s hooded body
    It was the, clearest of nights…but still he couldn’t spot me
    Further now I travel as a blur without a shadow
    The train tracks ahead were once important, now they’re hallowed
    They represent adventure to parental dissenters
    Children who felt rebellious and rejected every mentor
    I felt compelled to propel down, like we did as kids
    Set a penny on the tracks, sit and watch it hit
    On the lip of the rail- Hold it, no, not tonight.
    Last time I was that dumb the locomotive stole my life...

    The other world can wait, excuse me for my lateness
    …haunting my old block as ghost … Satan be patient


    …This pain that I face is deep, but I’m none to lay in peace
    Attending my own funeral was humbling to say the least
    …made me need to lurk long as they let me and allow it
    and I got to hum in rhythm as the requiem resounded
    …Just ahead the junior high, I’m back at Lue and Pine
    Those crossroads lost hope…with the news I died
    …These street lights seem dimmer than how they used to shine
    My stupid mind makes me enter my house. Who’s inside?
    …Just my father …he’s weeping … so he loved me
    My sister’s on the sofa sleeping with a photo of me
    …Now hopeless my mouth opens, almost call her name
    Tell them I’m the one where they should focus all the blame
    …I have to rely on tears, just to tell my little story
    Tried to escape for years, now I’m mad I left it prematurely
    …Think I’ve had enough, my fight is steadily fading
    I close my broken home… the cemetery’s waiting

    Full circle, the soils soft still, wave to the town
    …”Here lies-“…me…I phase into the ground…
    test
  5. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,517
    The Flames


    the flames....
    go back and forth, the flames have a tide
    the fire that consumes me is a hatred thats defined
    on the side of a road as a mortar round explodes
    and sends shrapnel through the armor thats worn above the clothes
    of an army passenger, it happens all so fast
    but a split second is all it takes for his organs to be splashed
    dashed across the windows, smeared into the ceiling
    smashed is his skull with his brain matter filling
    the hole inside his head, it slowly overflows
    it looks like little worms are coming from his nose
    sliding down his lip and falling in his mouth
    as his head is cocked back from the blast of the round
    his teeth stained black, his jaw dislocated
    his eyes poppped out as his sockets couldnt take it
    the force from the blast decompressed his head
    his heart liquified before the flames charred his skin
    as i went up to his truck, his door wasnt there
    and smoke was rolling out from every opening and tear
    as i screamed, not his name.... but more in disbelief
    his mangled, burning body fell into the street
    frozen in my feet, surrounded by debree
    of metal, glass, and blood of a buddy close to me

    the flames....
    go back and forth, the flames have a tide
    i make a mental picture and store it deep inside
    as shots begin to ring, they zing above my head
    bouncing off scraps of metal and absorbed into my friend
    so i pinpoint where its from, just across the road
    and signal to my team that i'll take it all alone
    as i head back to my truck, using it as cover
    i throw a smoke grenade, wait... and decide to throw another
    a green cloud of haze rises where it lands
    as i begin to move, i'm crawling on my hands
    the bullets still fly but it seems i'm moving fast
    as i move towards the sound until i see the flash
    from the barrel of his rifle, now i'm really close
    so i lay and wait and listen for the moment he reloads
    as it goes.. CLICK!, i jump and rush into the door
    and collide with a man, thus, falling to the floor
    but my weapon with his gets lost in the wreck
    so i grab the closet thing and stab into his neck




    the flames....
    go back and forth, the flames have a tide
    and i'll never forget what happened on that night
    when a soldier of america ran into my house
    and stabbed my father's neck with a fork he had found
    laying on the ground, in the middle of the kitchen
    he then stood up and looked through all of our dishes
    he pulled out a knife, he also grabbed a mallet
    and hit my dad in the stomach as he vomited and shouted
    he cut out his larynx as he tried to yell and scream
    and then he used the knife to cut out all of his teeth
    mom and i just watched as he dragged him in the yard
    dragged him to our driveway and put him in our car
    we watched him pour the deisel all across the paint
    then the soldier dropped the gas and slowly walked away
    i sat there stunned as mother ran to help my dad
    the soldier turned and fired as the blast killed my fam
    so i now live alone, on the outskirts of town
    and emplace bombs on the roads that soldiers travel down




    the flames....
    go back and forth, the flames have a tide




    (The never-ending cycle)
    infinite repeat
    test
  6. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    it's a fucking shame you and i faced in the very first round, we're both high caliber topical kats and now one of us is gone in round 1, lol......

    good verse though, looks like theirs gonna be alot of no shows unless people get on the ball
    test
  7. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
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    I couldn't disagree with the message in your piece more. In fact it infuriates me. But it was well written. Good luck.

    And yeah, we might be the most evenly matched writers in the opening round imo.
    test
  8. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    60
    brains....this was a pretty well written piece...good scheme and good wording...fairly decent story development.....although it really didnt grasp my full attention in the middle..i thought the content was lacking some.....better than most of the verses dropped so far tho...

    vs

    dead king...ok your first part was pretty good...had some wording issues i thought but was pulled off by some nice imagery....the second was a step up...better wording easier read....read very smooth....the third stanza i wasnt sure where you were gonna go.....at first i thought you were gonna make the whole soldier coming in a metaphor for president bush sending your father off to his death and found that woulda been pretty clever...but then you finished it as if you were an iraqi (assumption) and the us troops killed your father...i like how you took the stance of different people and i thought you developed the story pretty well...

    overall these peices are pretty even...its a difficult choice cuz i dont find one a true clear cut winner....but i thought that although it was slightly less polished i enjoyed reading deadkings verse just a bit more....its a shame yall had to go in the first round

    vote- deadking
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  9. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Brains - this was a cool drop although the concept isn't really something fresh...espeically with that flick with the kid coming out now and all that jazz...beyond that I think what this story lacked that made it complete was character development...we just kind of have some dead kid, who has a sister and father who miss him, but there's really no development of the character for the reader to relate to him more.

    DK - this was a cool approach to this topic, which is actually probably one of the more obscure topics that would actually be harder to fuck with. The thing that stops this from being a stellar piece is of course the lack of a good rhyme scheme and a smoother flow, but the imagery in this piece was insane.

    vote = DK, his imagery alone took this match
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  10. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
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    Vote: Dead King

    Yeah man... Brains, dope rhyming, dope flow, everything dope except for the overall story. It seemed bland to me, compared to Dead King's, full of gripping images. This is a rare case in my opinion where too much rhyming got in the way of the storyline... your verse was dope, technically, just nothing too outstanding. Deadking really captured me and drew me into his piece, while his rhyming wasn't quite as good as yours, everything else was on point and that brought home the win for DK in my opinion. I loved how you wrapped the piece up DK, I can definitely tell you speak on something that you feel strongly about.

    Everything just seemed to come together with DK's piece, where as Brains piece was a lackluster story with dope rhyming.
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  11. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Brains, once again man, your creativity captures me when I read your pieces, they're so easy for me to follow, but still filled with a •••••••••• within portraying the content. Flow is on point through the whole thing, natural and focused wording that helped everything move along. The funeral seemed like it was going to be boring at first and just very emotional, but you completely surprised me with it being your funeral in the middle and still kept the emotional character development to bring the story along. Nicely done man.


    DeadKing, lots of nice imageery used throughout the segments that you put together with the concept of flames. Not as creative as Brains, but did hold my attention through it all. Each piece was interesting and had good character development too. The flow was very simplistic though and didn't add to the appeal of the verse as far as narration goes. The visual effect of your verse is clearly powerful, but that seemed to be most that this verse contained... some colorful imagery of death, which I did like, but needed more I think. A very poetical sequence I think and I liked it.

    Vote Brains
    test
  12. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Thanks for showing fellas, please vote on 4 matches to advance in tournament
    test
  13. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

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    test
  14. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

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    Brains - The rhyming in that opening stanza was really good, especially those first few lines. I liked that you developed the story in the second stanza, and I thought you crafted the unraveling of the story well. You didn't rush your thoughts but instead you depicted what was going slowly with each line. I think it takes lots of skill to do that. I thought there was memoires and imagery for the story to really capture me. I liked that you included where the character grew up and what his parents were doing. Like I said before, I think you crafted the verse very well, the rhyming was nice throughout although it did fall after the first stanza. I thought the way you told the story was original but I have seen this idea before. But I think you structured the piece in a very precise manner, you went through everything and even inluded lines like "satan be patient" and I thought that lifted the piece to another level. So, niced drop.

    DeadKing - I like these type of verses because they seem simple because of the rhymes but beneath the layers, there is alot of wisdom and intelligence. I liked the theme throughout the verse, it was pretty crafty. I liked the repetition, and the setting of the story. I thought you weaved the three stanzas pretty well and neither of the three seemed out of place with each other. The imagery was of course the strong point in this verse, it was just very crisp and real, something that takes alot of skill to achieve in a verse.

    This battle is difficult tovote on, you both wrote great pieces with skill and precision. You both seem like smart writers and you both approached your topics in an very clever way. I can't judge this battle by comparing the two verses because their both good in their own ways. I'll base my vote on which verse I liked better and that was Brains' verse.

    You two both deserve to be in the second round, great match.

    vote - Brains
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  15. ConstantFlows

    ConstantFlows New Member

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    Brains -- reaaaal smooth narration/diction fused with lyricism i'm feeling the shit out of it...the imagery was also exploited well by that writers voice that was somber, to go along with the somber tone of the piece, very nice....Your story didnt seem to original but everything else was on the ball

    DK -- this was a very personal piece, i feel....its like your writing one of your war stories to us from the camp. I liked the narration it was clean-cut, and the imagery wasn't as gorey as i expected it to be but it was still cool.....My problem is the writers voice didn't feel as into-the-piece as it should have because of the nature of the verse


    this was a quick vote fyi...im just knocking'em down since i wont be getting any

    Vote -- brains for an overall more gripping story,

    good battle
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  16. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    what a great friggin entertaining match... awesome... this is what rhymin's about... both of u guys sparked up same mechanics... same structure.. same vocab.. same imagery... everything... this was more in tuned to who brought the vividness in a more clearer way and who invited me to enrich in rhyme patternizing.... deadking... good seeing u backk man.... aint seen nothing from u in a minute but its good that u 2 are just bringing it... too bad i didnt bring my full maximum heat ... but its the 1st round.. so why bring it like that?

    in any case... great match... brains... this is honestly in my book... right now.. the best verse of 2007...

    period...

    no flaws.. no troubles... no unclear notations... this was mechanics and imagery stacked tightly.. readability was the maximum deathblow in this match.... just was more on a higher level...


    no knockin dead... u guys are great..

    vote - brains for the verbal brawn..


    word is bon..
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  17. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    3-4 is a close fuckin match, lol.........


    being how most the other matches are shut-outs.....



    we should UP this for votes........


    again, brains, lol, good match... either one of us is mos def gonna have to earn every single match in this tourney
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  18. Ribo Nuke

    Ribo Nuke Audiodidact

    Joined:
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    Brains - This was a really good story man, best I've read in the tourney so far. Really well written your rhymes were really smooth, overall just really good. I liked how you made a simple twist but it just worked. Really well. You ended this really wel too, great emotion and great narrative. Props.

    Deadking - This was a good piece too, I didn't really like the way it flowed through it felt like da da da da da, dada dada dada da. if you know what I mean, too straight up, nothing creative to the way you put your lines together. I know thats being picky but it seemed like that to me. I really liked your twist and your imagery was off the hook. But I'm gonna go with the story that intrigued me more and that was Brains.

    Good read from both.

    Vote - Brains.
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