SE: 3. Baron Mynd vs. 14. Millz

Discussion in 'RSTL Grudge Matches and Tournaments' started by Baron Mynd, Jan 23, 2007.

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  1. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

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    [​IMG]

    All rules that are applied in the league will also be enforced for regulating the tournament. If you're not familiar with the rules of the RSTL, please read them HERE!:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=876433

    The only difference will be that in this tournament, your opponent will get to pick your topic for you. Topics must be picked and posted within the match thread within 1 day. If it's not posted, the opponent of the person that didn't pick a topic in time will get to choose his/her own topic.

    One more additional rule and this one is crucial so you all need to be aware of this. If you do not vote, you will not advance in the tournament at all. I don't care how many votes you're winning by, you will need to vote to advance on 4 matches weekly. When the league re-opens, these 4 matches will include voting on league matches. And in the elite 8 before the league reopens, there will be only 3 matches to vote on. That will be the only exception, but all 3 matches will require your vote. Voting matches a tie will not be permitted and won't count as a vote.

    Topics will be up Tuesday 12am PST every week and topical choices are due Wednesday 12am PST and verses are due Sunday 12am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich with votes due Tuesday 12 am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich

    Also, there will be no recycling allowed. Nothing you've ever posted anywhere online will be allowed. The mods will be checking verses for authenticity with online search engines.

    This is a match by match tournament so there will probably be no show wins and losses.

    Topics Are HERE!: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1030432

    Lets Get Ready To Ruuuuuuuummmmmmmbbbbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeeee!​
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  2. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

    Joined:
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    Sweet.

    Lets do the damn thing!


    Votes. . .

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
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  3. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

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    lets just pic our own..that way we can both come with our best piece we feel we can bring.......we only have to use 1 topic right.....not actually one of each?
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  4. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

    Joined:
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    I thought I'd try something fresh this week. Enjoy or endure!



    POEM: "Colour Me Black"

    At school as the wailing bell released its cry,
    It's agony,
    Pouring through the empty corridors.
    And bouncing off the walls,
    Much in the way a drunk abusive father would,

    I imagined.

    The bell screeched aloud, largely ignored.
    Save for occasional glances
    Coupled with an air of annoyance.
    And I took comfort in the stark
    Similarities that I drew between ourselves.
    As the toil of the bell resonated around my ears
    Announcing it was time for morning break
    I didn't take to the playground,

    I took time to reflect.

    See, I carried inspiration in my pencil case
    And alone I would draw,
    Upon the darkest feelings I knew.
    With crayons grasped tightly
    Held between my young and nimble fingers,
    I would sketch the outlines of
    these dark and lonesome figures.
    They were always faceless,
    Without identities,
    Nobody knew their names.
    And I took comfort in the stark
    Similarities that I drew between ourselves.
    Their blank expressions eluded
    to the one their creator wore,

    But there was always something missing.

    And so I searched hard
    For the idea that would make my work complete.
    My roving hands,
    Dived into the mass of bursting colour
    Hidden amongst my pencil case.
    And searching for inspiration,
    I found it in the crayon coloured Black.
    As I drew its waxy surface
    Long and hard across the papers edge,
    Covering the canvas
    In vast swathes of deep, rich, blackness.
    I concentrated on the faceless figure,
    The centerpiece to my art.
    And there he sat,
    Surrounded by a dark, cruel, world of his own construction.
    Where nobody knew his name.
    And he could scream as a bell,
    But he would still be faceless.

    To me the black was more than a colour,
    It was a depiction of my emotional state.
    All the pain and anger and
    Suffering that I sought to shield from my parents,
    That's black.
    The ritual abuse I endured daily,
    At the brutal hands of bullies.
    That's black.
    The feeling of animosity that
    Overwhelmed the very core of my being.
    Now, that’s black.
    And it was all there,
    Contained in the ebony blots and
    Sordid, stygian, scenes I would sketch.
    Surrounded by a dark, cruel, world of my own construction.
    Where nobody knows my name.
    And I too have screamed as the bell,
    But still remain faceless.
    I’m contained in the ebony blots and
    Sordid, stygian, scenes I have sketched,
    I screamed as the bell.
    I imagined.
    I took time to reflect.
    But inevitably,
    I still remain unloved, faceless, and black…


    [​IMG]


    Peace.


    TOPICS: “Living a Lie”

    ”I'm afraid I'm being an awful nuisance.”
    Edith Sitwell
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  5. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    60
    "White Walls"

    Mr white had a white house

    on the corner of white ave
    with his white spouse.
    In a white neighborhood.
    In a white town.
    With a white salary
    and his white crowd.
    He drove a white car
    down a driveway of white birch.
    He walked in a white park
    and attended a white church.
    He had white art
    inside of his white house.
    A white family room
    with a white couch.
    On white marble floors
    his wife in her white blouse,
    with her white shoes
    would watch white shows
    and the white news.
    The white walls
    inside of the white rooms
    held white lies
    caging his white blues,
    cuz inside of his white world
    lie his white views.
    He was a white nothing
    beating his white girl
    after his white russians.
    Thinkin his white collar
    made him a white something.
    That his white dollars
    bought him his white rights,
    but his white truths
    were lost in the white lights
    behind his white plan.
    Until one night his white wife
    came home with her black man.
    He grabbed his white knife
    in his white hand,
    and etched his white love
    upon the black man.
    Spilled his black blood
    all over the white bed.
    Then wrapped the white sheets
    over his wifes head,
    and with his white strength
    sent her to a white death.
    He dropped to his white knees
    on his white floor
    with the once white sheets.
    Echoeing through the white door
    was his white shreeks.
    His white neighbors
    called the white cops.
    They came in white cars,
    in thier white flocks.
    He had a white trial
    for his white fury.
    Infront of a white judge
    and a white jury.
    He told his white lies
    and proposed his white theory,
    and was convicted of white crimes
    at the white hearing.
    Then sentenced to white time
    to a place with white walls,
    white floors,
    in white halls,
    with white doors,
    and white stalls.
    In the white building
    he grew his white hair,
    and his white dreams
    became his nightmare.


    Topics:
    In the blink of an eye
    Consumed by Hate


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  6. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    758
    Baron- Yeah...you umm...forgot to ryhme. Is that even within the rules? I don't care how good of a poem it is, but if it doesn't ryhme, I can't vote for it. You probably could have beaten this guy with minimal effort if you would have rymed, but, wtf? I actually can't believe I'm about to vote for Millz's piece.

    Millz- To me, this was overly simplistic, both in message and in rhyming. The pattern was repetative. You totally lucked out in my opinion since your opponent decided to submit a pure poem.
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  7. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

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    Vote- Millz

    sorry I left that out.
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  8. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

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    [hide]Baron Mynd - I'm not in the crowd that thinks if a piece doesn't rhyme then it isn't good. That's stupid, and silly. Poetry is poetry, pure and simple. I actually kinda like it when writers go out of the norm and take risks. Sometimes, the approach backfiires and other times it dosen't. In this case, I thought you did a pretty good job at illustrating the story, the description and imagery were above par. I do think rhyming would have made this piece better but I don't think its fair to judge a verse that way. I liked the emotion in this piece, and the writing was pretty philosphical which I tend to like. The writer's voice was clear, and the piece was fluent, and I thought there were good transitions. I thought the piece was smart, and introspective, I think its stupid for voters to brush off a piece like this just because it "doesn't rhyme". You definitely did surprise me, you took a gutsy call and I thought for the most part it worked because I enjoyed the piece.

    To me the black was more than a colour,
    It was a depiction of my emotional state.
    All the pain and anger and
    Suffering that I sought to shield from my parents,
    That's black.
    The ritual abuse I endured daily,
    At the brutal hands of bullies.
    That's black.
    The feeling of animosity that
    Overwhelmed the very core of my being.
    Now, that’s black.

    ^That part sealed the deal for me. True shit.

    Millz - You also took a different approach, and I liked it. I've read pieces where writers made three or four references in a row to something, like a color but not throughout the whole piece like this. I think you stretched the whole white thing a little too far at times but I still thought the writing was clever, and in the end you pulled off. The singularity of the piece was nice but I would've liked a little more in depth but I guess that wasn't what you were going for. The whole peice was about brushing the surface of the guy's life, just the white outside part, and not the black in him and I liked it. However, I do think there is room for improvment in this piece, cause I like the idea, but I just thought you should've have slimmed it down and not have included like a white plan, and white strength, cause that doesn't even make sense to me. But still, you had stuff like white lies, white crime, and made enough sense for me to believe in the peice. Overall, I thought the piece was good, the ending was nice, and I especially like it when writers go out on a limb and approach a verse in a new light. So props.

    to a place with white walls,
    white floors,
    in white halls,
    with white doors,
    and white stalls.
    In the white building
    he grew his white hair,
    and his white dreams
    became his nightmare.

    ^Nice way of finishing the piece.

    I'm glad I decided to vote on this battle cause both of the verses deserves to be read. I liked the risk you both took and the way you tackled the topic. I liked both pieces but I think Baron's writing is another level. His piece was more complex, it was cut to the bone, and something new. I thought Millz put up a good effort but I'm a fan of smart and intricate writing and I thought Baron's piece had more of that.

    vote - Baron Mynd[/hide]
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  9. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

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  10. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

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    Well, let's see...

    Vote = Millz

    I respect anybody's right to drop whatever the hell they want in the RSTL, but it doesn't mean I have to support it lol. Baron obviously had the more substantive of the two pieces. Of course that would make sense because he didn't have to worry about rhymes LOL. That always makes it a bit easier to say all you want to say. Millz, you're drop was aight. Good concept, decent execution. Some of it was a little forced in terms of having to find something to be either black or white. In other words, the story was straightforward enough but some of the lines seemed like they were there to keep the black white thing going rather than to advance the story in any meaningful way. That's just my opinion though. Your rhymes and flow were solid enough.

    I guess this vote is based more on taking a stand than anything. Baron was the better writer here. That said, this is a rap music story/topical league and yes, there are a few people here and there rapping and not really rhyming, but I'd say that is about 1% of the sum total. If I vote for Baron because his uninhibited writing was of a higher caliber than Millz, then I think we should just hand the tournament trophy over to me right now because I could drop 60 lines from my Master's Thesis and probably out-write everyone. I just can't do it Baron, sorry lol.
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  11. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,955
    Vote: Millz

    Man, Baron... your writing is top notch bro, but this is league where rhyming is the main tool used in the poetry... I think this piece in the poetry forum, in one of their tournaments would take you to the end to win... but this time around, it's about rhyming, and we all know you can out-rhyme anybody in this league... why you chose to go this route confuses me a little. I enjoyed the read, but in the back of my mind I kept trying to connect words that rhymed and I just couldn't get over the lack of... Sorry man, you know how good of a writer you are and you probably would have made it very far in this tourney... but yo, man, you gotta rhyme. :)

    Millz: At first I wasn't very impressed with your piece, from the beginning it seems poorly written... but as it progressed it became a much fuller piece of work, with cool contextual rhyming and a dope ending. Unfortunately you only won because this is a rhyming league, as Baron's piece was written MUCH better, you had grammar and spelling issues that bothered me, but, you also had a well pulled off topic and ended it off with something fresh. Congrats man, you got away with one this round... not saying you can't write... by any means... just saying... yeah...lol

    Peace guys.
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  12. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

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  13. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

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  14. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    so...

    This was really disappointing...

    Baron - you wrote on hell of a poem, but this is a rap league...it's not the PTL...you need to incorporate rhyme scheme and such...beyond that what really gets on my nerves is that I know you could have key'd something and your keystyle would have beaten millz...

    Millz - while this was an interesting piece...it just got very redundant and annoying for me as I read through it. because you stayed in the whole element of white this white that all the way through the imagery grew overly redundant...i know this is more of an experimental sort of piece, but I hope you come harder in the future.

    vote = Millz, just because Baron didn't rhyme although Baron's writing was of a higher caliber.
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  15. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    baron - man, lol, i dont know... your dope as fuck but i'm not real big on the whole poetic tip...... i guess most other people agree, i mean... it was told well, very well written and good ass poem. however, it almost seems ignorant that you posted it, thinking your THAT good that you dont even have to rhyme for a win, lol, sorry man... you know i got loves for ya though...

    millz - your verse was very repetitious and kinda boring, i get hte message and all but you beat the everliving dog shit out of that dead horse, lol. it was good in a sense, but i feel that it would of lost to most other verses that were posted in the first round. but you got the win over baron which i guess is all that matter.......



    vote - millz, confusing match
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  16. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

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    ^ It wasnt mean to be arrogant at all. Trust me, It didnt even enter my mind to think I wouldnt have to rhyme to win. Infact, if you take the time to read through the predictions thread- I told everyone Millz would beat me. I never do well in tourneys, I think they're special, so I try to showcase something different. Where's the fun in coasting through, and winning if there's no flare to it? I never understood that. I like to experiment, and there's no way in HELL would I of got as many of you to read a poetry piece from me had it not been in here! Lol. Fair enough, I caught a loss that I cant say wasnt expected, but at least I went out having grown the balls to try something new. Shouts to Millz on taking me out this early on, and for trying to say fuck what's popular and running with his own ideas. I've nothing but the utmost respect for that man. I hope you win this entire thing of somebody scared to step out of their comfort zones.


    Millz wins 5-1 and advances. Go vote on some of the others up!

    Peace!
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  17. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,962
    BAron, this conveyed a good message through the format you chose, but there was no flow to it. sentences were broken up, which is a technique used for applying rhymes, but there was no rhymes at all so these aukward pauses in the read were just that.... aukward. Some of the content was displayed pretty nicely and worded well too, but the story wasn't entertaining to read at all. A depressing monologue to read... definitely endured through more than enjoyed reading. Nothing surprising or unforseeable at all, just like a regular journal entry of a depressed kid without detailing any specific events that would add some creativity. If you really want to work on something new, you should focus on more creativity imo. That seems to be something missing from the majority of your writing. I'm dissapointed, but you know that.

    Millz, this scheme was incredibly simple, but poetical nevertheless and conveyed a message that was somewhat entertaining to read. Your narration wasn't complex, very easy to follow and a natural flow was developed to make it go with the scheme. Content wise, not to impressed... it picked up towards the end and got a lil more creative with the development, but still was pretty simple to relay what you did. The black and white scheme made it seem like some Dr Suess story at first... the redundancy of constantly saying white through the start was very annoying to read, but I can see that was done on purpose... but it was a very simple approach. It got much more interesting towards the end with the introduction of the black color scheme, but still very simple in the approach and format used. I expected much more from you as well.


    Vote Millz
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  18. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    Baron, I know you wanted to try something new and that's cool, but like I said, there's many other areas of your writing that you can improve on without trying to change the format of rap/hip hop as it's commonly defined in actually creating rhyme schemes.

    This stays open for votes until the voting ends, which isn't until Wed. now with the extension because people need matches to vote on. Don't close matches early....
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  19. vote - baryon mynd

    and lol @ bullshit voters like got life

    he's calling millz/baron's shit repetitious, boring, etc.

    yet tek does an EXACT piece like these 2

    and i actually have 1 that rhymes, and add some imagery and shit to it

    yet he votes tek?

    i thought u was against verses like the ones in here?

    fuckin cockrider, i sonned the fag inn another thread now he wants to vote against me
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  20. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

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    please dont come into my thread with 1. hate votes.....and 2..being a dumb ass free poster

    if you gonna vote at least give an honest breakdown and not just vote baron cuz i think your a clown....if you think he won tell us why.....im sure he would appreciate if you told him what you liked about his piece as i would appreciate if you stated what you didnt like about mine
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