~Scared Romeo~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Mind~$oul, Apr 6, 2004.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    This is just some gay bullshit I wrote a few days ago. The part in bold I keystyled because I couldnt really finish the rest. I can feel it there, but everytime I sit down to write something it goes away. Kinda frustrating. I'm trying to make a comeback and get back to my old self and shit but I just dont feel it in me anymore like i use to...


    something told me
    to look back...
    my footprints wasnt
    there...
    so i began to wonder
    what led me
    here...
    how could you know
    yourself if your history
    has been erased...?
    how do you go from where
    you stand to the
    next place...?


    so i kept walking...

    i know soon i'll stumble
    across the answer...
    and things will be
    clearer...
    i turned once again
    and i still didnt
    see her...
    i cant begin the
    story...
    but i can tell you how
    it ended...
    you cant build a
    relationship without trust
    in it...because eventually
    that path will
    split...

    so i kept walking...

    today i woke up
    the dream was still
    visible...
    i still was losing
    you...
    i still had something to
    prove to you...
    but dreams never come
    true...and they come
    too late...
    and you were already
    away...

    so i kept walking...

    i thought i seen you
    from a distant...
    standing there with my
    second chance...
    but that was just
    an instance...you wasnt
    there, so i continued in search
    of your footprints...
    it's painful because i'm still
    feelin your last
    kiss..
    that ended
    our relationship...
    i feared to be a romeo
    and you dared to
    be a juilet...
    you threw ya heart to me
    and i was too blind to
    capture it...
    you said my shoulders
    were covered in
    chips...
    along with the tears
    you wept...
    and i couldnt
    careless...
    we went from
    sandbox kids to best
    friends...to lovers, now we are stuck
    at the next step...
    scared to lose me to
    the next bitch
    and death...
    i want to change this life
    with you, but I dont know where
    to begin...
    i cant keep walking now , because i just learned
    there's no answer in
    a footprint...
    there's only that past
    that me and you use to
    live...
    it was painful, but we both
    escaped it...
    i would never walk it
    again...
    but if i had
    to...
    i couldnt do it
    without you...
    i think i
    love you...
    and i only say it
    because after 8 years what else
    am i suppose to
    say...
    i hardly knew what brought
    us to a
    "next day"...
    seem like i was just using you
    because i wanted to live...
    and you needed me in
    some way....



    Well a got blank there and i stopped. This is a piece about an on and off relationship i've been going through for the past 8 years.
    test
  2. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! MIND~$OUL!!!!

    this was just great. i enjoyed reading it because everything about it was just... out there... out there to be grasped by the one its about... its powerful indeed.

    "i think i
    love you...
    and i only say it
    because after 8 years what else
    am i suppose to
    say...
    i hardly knew what brought
    us to a
    "next day"..."

    omg yo. you just took me away with that part... excellent job, if you decide to finish it, please let me know so i can peep it!
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    any kind of criticism is welcome
    test
  4. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    oh shit thanks gemi!

    long time no see
    test
  5. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
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    yea i know.. i got a new piece in here too... i just kinda... bumped it down. lol.
    test
  6. Psycho69

    Psycho69 A Soul Born In Verse

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    I seriously loved that.. It got better and better as it progressed along and they keystyle part is probably even my favourite part.

    Great work.

    it's painful because i'm still
    feelin your last
    kiss..
    that ended
    our relationship...
    test
  7. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,245
    Ok, I aint one to hate, so I aint gonna, lol...Umm, aside from some spelling errors, this piece was magnificent. I could see that this was about an on and off relationship without you sayin anything about it. Reminds me of that song Mary J. Blige did about being in a relationship for so long and not knowing why.

    "we went from
    sandbox kids to best
    friends...to lovers, now we are stuck
    at the next step...
    scared to lose me to
    the next bitch
    and death..."

    Loved that part right there...I read that and was like, "OH SHIT!" cause it reminds me of my girl and myself...Anyhow, this was cool man, I'm out for a while, but readin this makes me wanna stay to see what's next...
    test
  8. poeticsnowgirl

    poeticsnowgirl Not as Blonde as I Look..

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2004
    Messages:
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    great piece but some lines seem very forced...if that makes sense to you...something i learned about writing and "getting back to my old self" was that sometimes you cant go back..my writing style continues to evolve and tho i can look back and i really like certain periods of my writing i know they are a product of their time..so i look inside and look forward to what it is my soul is trying to pour out at this time...but thats me rambling i suppose....still a great piece!
    test
  9. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    i want to change this life
    with you, but I dont know where
    to begin...
    i cant keep walking now , because i just learned
    there's no answer in
    a footprint...
    there's only that past
    that me and you use to
    live...

    Dang Mind, you love to hate on yourself,-big time too! lol. Anyway, I love this-I was in an on/off relationship, and now that same relationship is just straight lol, but from that poem I wrote it pretty explains my situation, for the past 2 1/2 years- startin from scratch lol.
    AnyWAY, I like this poem, simple as that said. You still got some vibes kickin in ya lol, and I know what you mean by not bein able to write it at times, that's how I am too.
    Keep writing tho-ya better-
    -Peace & Love
    test
  10. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

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    i've been in this thread
    test
  11. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    thanks for the love
    test
  12. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    hi malik......i actually like the keystyle part the best.....i loved the part gemi quoted.....
    test
  13. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2004
    Messages:
    5,268
    Damn, bless you! this is so sweet, i really Lv this, i know myself ive written so much about this kinda isht, i know what your goin thru, its hard to deal with. I think its right as it is, nothin needs doin to it, the keystyle jus kinda makes it all seem in place, if you know wha i mean?! Keep it up, I really enjoyed this, alot of feelin and emotion in this.
    Much Lv
    test
  14. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    o shit..i thought u just posted what u showed me..the keystyle is real nice

    there's no answer in
    a footprint...


    love that right there...said alot about the whole piece right there...very emotional joint..i dont know how u do it sometimes...UPin
    test
  15. iamnotadigit

    iamnotadigit i

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Messages:
    9
    That wasn't bad. I liked it. I half remember reading your work from a few years back on this forum (Or maybe not?).

    Lots of grammar errors. You need to fix that shit, man. Damn. I'm starting to feel like a grammar nazi and I use sentence fragments galore...
    test
  16. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,938
    There is always something good I can find in your pieces that shine and stick out and there are a couple of real good sections, this definatly could us some work but im not good with all that critism so that's the best you'll get out of me. I'm going through a kind of writing drought too, so i can relate alittle in the frustrations.


    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  17. UnknownLady

    UnknownLady Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2001
    Messages:
    818
    Know you already know I am feeling this piece
    I can relate to this in so many ways more than one
    I miss coming on here and reading I really need to get back in the game of this
    Once again amazing work and you keep doing your thang
    Holla at you later on the flip side

    Unknown
    test
  18. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    thanks

    uppin for the last time
    test
  19. kyza soza

    kyza soza This way up.

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    booked for ya
    test
  20. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    i know this feeling all to well
    when you finally find out what you want to provide her
    she was their when you didnt know
    now that shes not their
    you finally have the answers

    not having closure for a relationship is a very painful thing
    test
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