S.E. - Round 2: 1. VernAcular -vs- 9. Urizen

Discussion in 'RSTL Grudge Matches and Tournaments' started by DiC GeTs GuLLy, Jan 31, 2007.

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  1. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    [​IMG]

    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced



    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can’t vote in any matches. .
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1032063




    From now on if you don't vote in the tournament and win your match, you will be deducted a vote from your next match for every vote didn't give the previous week. If you show late and your partner allows the extension as long as it’s less than a day late, it can count, but you will be deducted 2 votes for showing late regardless.

    These rules will be put in effect starting now and won’t be modified again. I’m not bending or breaking anymore rules for anybody.


    [/SIZE][/B][/COLOR][/LEFT]

    Must READ: You must pick one of each topic to give your opponent some protection from choices and also so there isn't several verses written on the same topic that everyone has picked to be used.

    So pick one of the Title and Phrases, one of the Quotes and one of the Pics for your opponent.

    Thursday is the deadline for choosing topics or your opponent will get to pick their own topic. Topical choices must be posted in match threads by deadline.


    All other rules that are applied in the league will also be enforced for regulating the tournament. If you're not familiar with the rules of the RSTL, please read them.


    The only difference will be that in this tournament, your opponent will get to pick your topics for you. Topics must be picked and posted within the match thread within 1 day. If it's not posted, the opponent of the person that didn't pick a topic in time will get to choose his/her own topic. You must choose one of each kind of topic for some variety.


    So... topics will be up Wednesday 12am PST every week and topical choices are due Thursday 12am PST and verses are due Monday 12am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich with votes due Wednesday 12 am PST, 3am EST, 8am Greenwich

    Also, there will be no recycling allowed. Nothing you've ever posted anywhere online will be allowed. The mods will be checking verses for authenticity with online search engines.

    test
  2. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
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    Anxiety issues

    Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard.
    Daphne du Maurier

    [​IMG]
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  3. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2001
    Messages:
    5,344
    Preditors of the Jungle

    Sometimes the cure for restlessness is rest.
    Colleen Wainwright

    [​IMG]
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  4. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2001
    Messages:
    5,344
    Anxiety Issues

    my state of apprehension....
    well....you couldn't relate to half the tension
    that's sitting low in my minds embryo...i've made a rash decision
    so today i ask permission...
    dear god, i hate i lack dimention
    i feel unsafe you have to listen cause i may attack with vengence
    i keep distractions bottled up in me my fate's an apparation
    cause it's either death or the rest of my life just may be stashed in prison
    so i wait, relax, and sit inside of nature's glass detention
    im on the verge of a break down, but wait now...
    as i make my last incision

    "CUTTTT".........

    so ummm..... you know the phrase....."my life is like a book"
    and now im on the final chapter of it likely i get shook
    when i think about what im doing, see what was right i over looked
    im in the mirror, shadow boxing, see im fighting with a crook
    excitement being cooked....within a mind that's so unstable
    a good side has a bad side, but my side's becoming fatal
    food for thought ? well at dinner time, crime sits at the table
    and we discuss topics such as murder, but suicide decides to take you
    by suprise and i escape to another place of imagination
    full of hatred and aggravation, im two faced but with animation
    i cant contol it though, i overdose...mind state has an annexation
    and here comes my alter ego, the evil trait that has me anxious
    i cant escape this amputation....

    "CUTTTT"..........

    ummmm.....im losing my mind....help me from choosing a side
    get out my head you son of a bitch, it's so confusing but why?
    is reality so beyond me i keep refusing to try
    to get a grip on it, so i come up with excuses and lie
    and usually i.....just get mad....it's sad cause i throw a fit
    i got a sane part of me but most would say that it dont exsist
    see im the type to punch holes in shit and come home with swolen fists
    and im so alone within a dream world that i never notice it
    my hope is stripped, cause i see life as a hoax so i joke with it
    and i got a window of opportunity but i refuse to open it
    i guess it's me, the stress and greif the pressure see it holds a grip
    around my neck and chokes a bit but never gets it over with....


    "CUTTTT"..........

    i guess by now you've got the picture, and see anxiety's a bitch
    and im a son of one, so i just wanna die im getting tense
    my reflections staring at me, and my eyes are getting thick
    i punch the mirror and realize that i've been fighting with my fist
    "CUTTTT"....."CUTTTTT"....."CUTTTTTT" who's that and why is this intense
    cause finally i sense reality and try to get a grip
    i see an unfished puzzle of my face....i say good bye and then i pick
    a piece of broken glass up and start slicing up my wrist


    "CUTTTT"...........
    test
  5. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2004
    Messages:
    6,700
    Do you remember your first time?

    Do YOU remember YOUR first time?
    You were probably as nervous as me to see what your ability would be
    As it was sketched from your fantasy to become a reality
    Which should withstand time and meet infinity
    So you shake the can in your hand and plan where to begin this man
    Or hero or abstract zero or decadent Nero
    Me I simply push the button … let it flow
    Let creativity go and slowly throw
    My anger despair and fear into it
    Zone out and let my passion become my fluid
    So the pain running through each vein
    Simply changes its name but stays in its lane
    My dreams now fuel each plasma cell
    And schemes of a duel elevate me from hell
    Me versus the surface
    All my emotions against a emptiness worthless
    Precision against imagination
    Urge to excel against hesitation
    Each line a kiss on time a stamp of my mind
    Left behind for those who pass, to find

    [​IMG]

    ...
    5 years pass

    Home again after time away a display unlike any others that may
    Cross my way each day of which l will stay breathing and living and feeling OK
    This city holds a place in my heart and always will
    The beginning, the start of my ultimate thrill
    Went to other location and saw a scene
    So obscene yet beautiful like a wet dream
    All like me caught by graffiti, their mark instills in them calm
    The ecstasy the beauty created by their own palm
    Was so similar to my own, tears would dwell inside me
    Now my craft has grown, hesitation lost its body
    Family the main reason of my comeback
    But nostalgia haunted me without any slack
    A piece unlike any other paralleled by none
    My awe of my own skills when my work was done
    The next corner will show me what I want to see
    My heart increases in pace as I smile uncontrollably

    Tears fill my eyes my joy silently dies
    Hope burns all ties my soul screeches and cries
    Tears roll down my cheek as my knees turn weak
    My mouth is open yet I’m unable to speak
    I start to shake this is all I can take
    My mind is about to break this sight must be fake
    My eyes go open I’m in state of shock
    I feel faint yet I stand still like a rock
    Gazing staring now hate makes me tremble
    I scream “no, no, no” as my rage becomes ample
    Feel it subside, fear which I thought died
    Resurrects to my side as all it did was hide
    Scared of the wrath which took me whole
    But fear takes me and fills my soul
    Allowing me to see such a painful display
    The rain, the rain the rain washed it away
    DAMN​
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  6. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Joined:
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    4,546
    Vote number two...Good battle to read...

    Gotta go with Vern on this one.

    Urizen, there isn't much I can say about this that I haven't already said about 20 other pieces you've written. I thought the story unfolded smoothly for the most part. Once I started reading, I sort of wished I had decided to do something different about grafitti myself. A lot of people write about it but there are still avenues that haven't been pursued yet. Anyways, back to the point. I'm assuming that over the 5 years, your first piece got faded out by the rain. If that is the case, ok. That connection wasn't really made super clearly, but I think I got that right. That is nitpicking, what really hurt you, as it often does, was the actual writing. Your word usage is getting much better, but I still don't see your rhyming stepping up any. In some cases, that really wouldn't hurt you, but anytime you're matched up against a person with similar creativity who can also rhyme his or her ass off, you end up getting hurt by that. Vern, your piece was pretty much to my liking. As usual, it was a quick read. That isn't by accident either. Well placed rhymes and some attention to line length certainly helped. I liked the emotion you conveyed; pretty gripping shit. The only thing I wasn't a huge fan of was some of the rhyming. Overall, it was nice, but there were a few places where it felt forced. Other than that, I enjoyed what I read.

    That's about all I have to say about this. I enjoyed reading both of these, but Vern's descriptions certainly pulled me in more, and technically, Urizen isn't quite there yet.
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  7. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    884
    Vern - This was the quintessential suicide piece and although the topic made it kinda boring to read the rhyming and the flow made it enjoyable. I especially liked the first and thrid stanza. You rhyme with such ease and skill, it was a very fluent read. I thought some of the creative lines you were going for are played out like the food for thought line, and the window of opportunity. But other than that, I thought the writing was strong, I liked the pace you set out and overall it was a good piece.

    Urizen - I liked the concept and where you were trying to go with it but I thought the imagery was lacking and the rhyming wasn't strong. I thought some of the description was bland, try to stay away from writing stuff like "tears fill my eyes" and "hope burns all ties", "tears roll down my cheek", "I start to shake", "my eyes are open Im in a state of shock". I don't know if its just me but that type of writing is bored, where the writer flatly describes to the reader whats happenning to him. It takes alot of skill and talent to pull off that kinda of description and imagery, I have a hard time doing that and that's why I stay away from it. But I gotta give you props for attempting at using description and imagery, you're better than me in some ways in that and I admire that.

    This battle was pretty good, I'd have to say it was 55/45 for Vern. Urizen wrote a solid piece but his description and rhyming needs work. And Vern hit it out of the park with the rhyming.

    vote - Vern
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  8. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
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    Vernacular- Topic was boring but the ryhming was on point. It was a smooth read and was strong in pretty much every area. I though the wordplays were really good too. But basically what you had that your opponent didn't was superior ryhming which gets you the win in my opinion. Almong with solid imagery and description.

    Urizen- I liked the idea of it being washed away years later. You expressed the pain that someone can face when they lose something that they created, pretty solidly. I didn't like your ryhme scheme, it was too basic or choppy or both on some parts. So thats the area that this piece needs work on. Simple stuff like "My mind is about to break this sight must be fake" needs to be improved upon.

    Vote - VernAcular
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  9. MrMister

    MrMister Urizen

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  10. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,955
    Vote: Vernacular

    Vern: Aside from your lack of technical writing: meaning you basically write to be recorded and not to be displayed on the page... which is fine... this piece was on point all the way through. A lot of good one liner descriptions made for a quickly progressing piece with a lot of individual images. The emo concept, yeah, we've all read it before, but you developed it and, had flow, rhyming, the whole package to pretty much make it complete.

    Urizen: This piece started off really well, I even saw a dual syllable rhyme in there, but then it was gone, which made me think it was on accident. Again, your rhyming needs to be improved a lot before you writing can hit another level. Most of your pieces have such basic imagery and description that reading it isn't very exciting. The first few lines of the last stanza are a good example. The abrupt rhyming and short flow makes for really bland writing. Not saying you have to create overly complex rhyme schemes, but at least do something to bring your lines OUT, make them stand out more. The whole piece seemed to just trudge on, until the end, and then it was done... leaving me like ....."well, alrighty then." I think your concepts overall are creative enough that if executed well could do you better in the future... Just keep working on that.
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  11. A.S.K

    A.S.K ...

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    vern: slightly boring topic but it seemed fresh to read throuhg. I really like your style, its descriptive yet simple in the way i can really imagine it on beat unlike alot of peoples styles. Your flow is just damn straight and your rhyming is what made it real enjoyable for me, just noticing certain words you use. That with a nicely developed story made for a enjoyable but not fantastic read

    Urizen: Dude i swear i write the same thing for every one of your verses. You have good storys, they do build up nicely, but its s if you cant match you ideas with your actual writing creativity. Your rhyming and word use just seems so basic, i was told english aint your main language and if thats so i have huge respect for u, but still it just dosent help your pieces. I liked the actual story of the graffiti, that was a dope idea but u jst didnt fill it out with the style i like i guess. Next piece u write proper focus on your rhyming, and adding in multi's and linking words between sentences.

    vote: vern
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  12. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Vern, as always, you're flow in combination with your narration made this read smoothly and the character development through it was cool too. There was no real explanation to his grief though to explain his issues in detail with examples of his troulbed life so that was kind of vague. The monologue format was well done though and executed with the cut scenes made it dramatic like something to be performed on stage.

    Urizen, this was a nice concept to go with and it progressed pretty nicely to start, but the second piece of this didn't seem as smoothly developed as the first sequence. The flow still needs work and you know that by now, but I did see some inners in there and some spots with nice words useage. The ending was cool too... I thought more details of you making a tag or other graffiti art would of made this better. I liked it though.

    Vote Vern
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  13. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    this battle was such a travesty, because if ever vern was to lose because he came sub-par it would have been today.


    vern, okay verse, nothing spectacular, the topic was actually kind of played, the mechanics were strong and also helped pull your piece together. at the end of the day this piece was SOLID, just solid, not much more to say about that.

    urizen, i really felt like you should have upset vern this battle man, if you would have came with your usual dope verse you would have tipped the scales of this battle easily, but you experiemented a litltle bit and kind of put a shaky piece. the idea behind it was great, but the execution wasn't too nice fam.


    at the end of the day vern took it
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  14. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    if i have to be blunt i have to say that this battle was one-sided... moreover because vern had too much to include in his rhyme that was too overwhelming... his multisyllable rhymin + the fluidity + the patternizing just does it for me..... theres' no real way to say about his stuff... as for urizen -- you're dealing with a legend... and if any... his game came onto u hard.... its not ur fault... although i may have caught some flaws in your length-of-lines on each which imbalanced from the beginning.. i was looking to see lengthier lines throughout.. but saw diff lengths which makes readability a bit off rhythm as i flow to it.... its one of the type of things i look for... point being... while it was a strong showing... vern is too big.... vote to him..
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  15. _millz_

    _millz_ New Member

    Joined:
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    vern...wasnt really feelin the concept of the story...its been done up to death..but your writing skills were the hilight of the peice...good wording , flow and schemes....very well put together technical wise....just lacked on teh content

    vs...

    urizen...your verse was just the opposite..i felt your story a lot more...thought it was pretty creative...for the most part...the rhymes were just not up to par with verns piece. some wording issues and scheme problems...you seem like you got some talent so stay at it..

    overall vern just come off as the more polished writer..and he took a bleh concept and made it decent just on his writing skills..

    vote- vern
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