RSTL Tourney Championship: Ldogg Vs Tha Talent

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Oct 5, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Who will Win? Only time will tell











    L Dogg?








    or







    Tha Talent



    Check in and lets square dance
    test
  2. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

    Joined:
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    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?postid=7462388
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=648806
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?postid=7466114
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?postid=7466208
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?postid=7466936
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=648779

    L dogg the god: "i read 'em both twice, and came to this conclusion... both were good verses... not i need of hearses, but talents made more sense to me, and snatched my vote like purses...
    for what it's worth is
    my vote=talent"



    L dogg the god: is it just me or is that a shitty vote?
    Tongue Cancer: lol that is not a legit vote lol ---
    Tongue Cancer: that looks like a MADDRAPPER rhyme
    L dogg the god: haha
    Tongue Cancer: no way -- nullify that vote
    Tongue Cancer: copy this im into the thread
    Tongue Cancer: so that evidence shows i seen it
    L dogg the god: ok
    .....

    great match talant.. im sure we'll meet again someday
    test
  3. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    test
  4. DahLohner

    DahLohner Straight Up Un-Holy

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    booo....

    IMOUT
    test
  5. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    this verse sucks, and i don't care.
    i put little effort in.
    i'll put more in when i get better topics.
    topic="you found a knife in his chest" thing...
    ...lawyer speaks in bold, woman speaks in regular, judge in italics




    the defense may commence its examination of the witness
    i request that you please tell of the night, and be descriptive
    not cryptic,
    well, i'm not really sure what i remember sir
    but i had walked into the room, on that third of November, for
    a cup of coffee, i was just going through to the kitchen, but
    but what? but i noticed Mr. Warnicky wasn't sitting up
    and instead was laying on the couch in an odd manner
    quite the peculiar way of sleeping, with his elbow tossed backwards
    and his legs dangling over the edge of the leather couch
    i noticed his pillow was a little out of place, i walked and crouched
    beside him, to be gentle while i tried to support his neck
    that's when, like a thorn on hedge, i saw a knife engorged his chest
    and i was petrified, can you tell us what you saw, ma'am
    well - it was a hunters knife - and i noticed that he still had a soft hand
    which assured me that he hadn't been dead for a long stand
    but the blood was everywhere, so i screamed and called Ann
    well who's Ann? Ann - why Ann is Mr Warnicky's lover
    and when she walked in the room, she couldn't even let out a stutter
    just shuttered - horrified at the gory site laid down before her
    with the saddened tears of a Mexican who found the border
    only to get caught, and sent back - that was her emotion
    *sniffle* - it was hard for us all - by all, you mean yourself and Ann?
    us and Tanya too, she was a special friend
    to him, they had known eachother since they were little kids
    when i told her the knews, her eyes filled with jitterness
    tell me about your life as a maid to Mr. Warnicky...
    ...the type of man he was, was he really quite hard to please?

    why he was smart and free, he had no real demands and was a nice man
    when i needed a place to work, he opened up this whole bright land
    - no fights and, a good pay, hmm - so nothing to complain about?
    tell me of these other two women, did he give them pain or .
    .. wow
    i'm not sure i can answer that - why do you think i would know
    i don't, i'm just trying to question a witness NO!!
    LISTEN - i don't know a thing... i can't tell you who killed him
    ..well... ok, but maybe you could just tell me where i could find
    these women who seemed to be so intricate in his life?

    no - i don't know - i don't know of who you speak
    i don't know about the hunters knife he kept with his briefs
    i don't know about the way Ann and Tanya planned to murder him
    i'm just a maid - not nothing except subserviant
    a word with the bench?


    *Six days later, Julia Marconic was convicted of the homicide of Mr. John Warnicky. She was put in a state institution , being treated for skitzophrenia. She was a childhood friend, former lover, and the maid of Mr. Warnicky.*
    test
  6. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

    Joined:
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    5.you found a knife stuck into his chest...go on and write everything that follows,might want to include who he is.




    The Gas Man's Journal

    Chapter 10 - The Beginning of my youngest sons participation to the family.

    well, it started like this...



    the dessert day was hot an humid, an buzzards craved the loss of humans
    as they flew overhead, searching for the decayed with no confusion
    it gave the boring drive amusement for the couple, a family of two
    Mandy an drew.. the two watched the birds land.. as they pursued
    to what looked to be a vehicle that was apparently stranded
    unaware of nearing panic drew turned the wheel, the steering managed
    to pull them up close, to a truck soaked, in the handprints of a blood note
    u would think they'd leave right? nope, complements of the dumb folk
    buzzards were eating at an object towards the front of the ride
    but the blurry heat from the metal made it unclear to see the other side
    looking around as if somehow they knew they were being watched
    drew was the first to talk, grab the cell phone repeating please bring cops
    but the phone had no connection.. there would be no smiles today
    they jumped out the car to see the scene since help was miles away
    nearing the flock of birds, a thought occurred, that gave a loss of nerve
    walking 'straight' up to what would be a body, claimed their posture made it curve
    leaning over drew touched his neck, but felt no pulse.. assumed his death
    was from the rusted edge of the knife going directly through his chest
    threw up less' then a foot away from the mans body, as he stood back in awe
    facial expression was that of the statement u make when saying "u look like you've saw"
    but this was far from ghost, an far from hoax, the mans arms had start to roast
    on the hot cement road as the smell of the flesh had him starting to choke
    rushing his way back towards his car he passed a silent stuttered cry
    turn back to face the truck.. walked up, made an attempt to look inside
    curled up on the floor of the seats, laid a small little boy
    whose emotions looked assorted an weak, torn from his joy
    blood smeared onto Drew’s fingers as he quickly pulled him out
    Mandy watched as he had hold him down cussing from his scolded mouth
    wishing the boy would have told him how, the questions wouldn’t stop
    the loud aggressions got intense for confession but the child wouldn’t talk
    ... just then off in a distance, his eyes got lost for a minute
    trying to zoom in on what looked to be a possible witness
    nearing with friction, hearing the engine, blow the kiss of doom
    made him, feel the affection' of watching twilight zone on the tube
    but what could he do? its the first car they seen since gas
    come to mention it, *inching closer* looks like the guy that they asked
    about that hour an half shortcut, trip through the dessert made fast
    ...not seeing it on the map he gave thanks for exchange just gave cash
    and that should have let down Drews guard, but for some reason it didn’t
    maybe it was seeing that gas man attach eye lock an not leave it for minutes
    when Mandy went to pee and he had gave her the bathroom key
    u know the story.. watching from a hole to see, he walked inside the same time as she
    of course his personality was peculiar and hardly went overlooked
    but we needed help immediately the sky was turning into the darker look
    we waved him down by makin sounds and moving are hands around
    plus I’m sure he would stop, seeing the trail of flairs on the ground
    the man approached the scene in a rusty neon green dune buggy
    wearing nothing but black from his boots to facial hair of a grungy
    with his head down he took steps that left marks that looked wet
    leaving souls on the ground in liquid form like his boot had shook death
    drew confronted the man with the situation but failed to receive response
    then with a grieving nod...said,
    if your needing cops, they'll wont be here until the bleeding stops
    a car door slammed from behind of drew...turning his head raucously
    the kid in the truck had pickled him in-between the two.. suspi'ciously
    glancing over to the passenger seat where Mandy last sat
    drew could now see that she split, her and her spleen were detached
    looking back down fast the boy held what had only rhymed with night
    still dripping Mandy’s blood drew focused in on the knife
    knowing he was no longer in control of his life his eyes closed
    while standing his time froze as he slowly took the knife blow


    * Drew was killed along with his wife Mandy, and the stranger they had pulled over to help that night, whose name I hadn't even picked up... My son had received his first three casualties beginning his participation into our family. Way to go My Boy! you'll be as good as your brother chainsaw massacre in no time.

    Signed,
    The Friendly Gas Man muahahaha!
    test
  7. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Over No Shows
    test
  8. stony

    stony ladies sit on grampas lap

    Joined:
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    very nice finals here....

    first lets start with talents verse. real nice stuff, not ya best, but still good shit. very smooth flow, and the ending was badass. the multiple personality thing made the story.

    l dogg, damn, thas some tite shit. also a smooth ass flow, and the ending also was real tite with the boy weilding the knife.

    vote, real close one here, but i gotta go with l dogg here. it came down to personal preference. i was more into it. he made it more suspenseful and intigued me more. great battle yall...one to both, since both of yall fam.
    test
  9. HighPawTheCyst

    HighPawTheCyst New Member

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    talent....

    definitely not your best, although your story was good, i felt it fell off at the end, the ending was ok, nothing spectacular, your flow was nasty as usual, i really liked the imagery towards thee beginning made me feel like i was there, nonetheless, i liked it, felt a bit rushed, but nice, props to ya


    L-dogg....

    pretty nice story, i was feeeling it, it kept me reading, in all honesty, i didn't like the ending, i was expecting something more, but, that does not take away from your story but a little, it was written rather nicely, i liked the flow and imagery, it was very descriptive and it held a nice story line, aside from the ending, this was well written, props

    Overall...

    TP running things, with an ill championship match, this could go either way, we'll see what the voters think, i dont know if my vote counts considering im crew, but you know i aint bias, i liked both verses but im gonna go with L-dogg, props to both though

    vote - L-dogg
    test
  10. SamGoodY

    SamGoodY trully inspired...

    Joined:
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    i read 'em both twice, and came to this conclusion... both were good verses... not i need of hearses, but talents made more sense to me, and snatched my vote like purses...
    for what it's worth is
    my vote=talent
    test
  11. SIN2

    SIN2 as we speak

    Joined:
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    NICE BATTLE....

    Talent...u say little effort but i couldnt tell...nice shit....didnt really enjoy tha story....but yet u told it well...meanin tha topic was a bad choice 4 u....but u managed to pull it off.....great imagry...nice wordplay...all around nice..kept me readin

    L-Dogg....u upped tha bar.....ya flow was on point...good vocab and also ya had vivid images...ya story was fluid.....kept my eyes glued to tha page.....nice way to tell it...

    This shit right hea was just.....Damn...FIRE archive shits....both emcees came on point....hard to choose...

    VOTE.
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    L-Dogg
    test
  12. Den-S

    Den-S .:.The Chosen One.:.

    Joined:
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    854
    niiice battle...

    Talent= yeah I felt you shoulda come harder...you had a dope story and your flow was sick...but the verse felt rushed and I thought more details could've been used...

    L-Dogg= that was a sick drop...flow, multis, vocab- everything was str8 fire...loved the way you developed the plot and focused on description and imagery...

    vote= L Dogg

    nice battle...
    test
  13. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Joined:
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    ooops... sry. my bad. dbl posted
    test
  14. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Joined:
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    hmmmm? nice battle ...
    for a verse that sucks and you put no effort into... talent i'm impressed.
    L-dogg... damn dogg... crazy...
    this was a good battle... hard to vote on... have to agree with ransom on this one. talents seemed to just make more sense to me... L-dogg's was a sick story though, great flow and what not, but the story line was hard to follow. i think there just wasn't quite enough lines to get the whole story out in detail. it was great none the less... talents was just as smooth i thought, and it was just a more enjoyable read for me...
    vote=talent.
    test
  15. Richard Corey

    Richard Corey battle like a savage

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    Whoa…hehe okay…after reading both stories, I’m a have to go with the better writer. The Talent just had the clearer cut story. His flow was on point, his voice and characterization was on point, he was just the better writer.

    L-Dogg made a couple of "rookie" mistakes when it comes to writing. Notice how half way through the story he switches voices and goes from third person to first person (he stops saying Drew and Mandy and starts saying "we"…big no no.) Also, as a rule, if you have to explain the majority of your story at the end, it may not have been that well-written. When writing try to explain yourself in the piece as much as possible, that’s where the story should be. I’ve done it in the past, but even when I did it, it was for resolution… it wasn’t to actually explain the whole twist.

    And although I didn’t particularly like Talent’s twist at the end… (multiple personalities? Eh…) I liked his story as a story more…

    Vote: Talent
    test
  16. WiSDoM

    WiSDoM I t0k yer wifes virginity

    Joined:
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    4,300
    aight..this is gonna be tha last battle i vote on..cause i lost regardless of if i vote anyway lol..im going to break shit down thruout..as i read..quote lines..etc..so ill start off with talents verse...

    Talent


    but what? but i noticed Mr. Warnicky wasn't sitting up
    and instead was laying on the couch in an odd manner
    quite the peculiar way of sleeping, with his elbow tossed backwards

    that whole beginning..sick...very descriptive in the content..felt that a lot..

    quite the peculiar way of sleeping, with his elbow tossed backwards
    and his legs dangling over the edge of the leather couch
    i noticed his pillow was a little out of place, i walked and crouched
    beside him, to be gentle while i tried to support his neck
    that's when, like a thorn on hedge, i saw a knife engorged his chest

    that was dope...really nicely written...u seemed to have lost interest in writing ur verse after that..if uw ould of kept on track with what u were flowin gon with that...this verse would of been flawless..seemed like the end of it was rushed through..i have to agree with Corey..that ending could of been better...but u def dropped a nice ass verse this week...pretty solid..

    Ldogg


    Mandy an drew.. the two watched the birds land.. as they pursued
    to what looked to be a vehicle that was apparently stranded
    unaware of nearing panic drew turned the wheel, the steering managed
    to pull them up close, to a truck soaked, in the handprints of a blood note
    u would think they'd leave right? nope, complements of the dumb folk
    buzzards were eating at an object towards the front of the ride
    but the blurry heat from the metal made it unclear to see the other side

    nice way to start that verse off...descrptivie...flow was on point..good way to open this verse..

    threw up less' then a foot away from the mans body, as he stood back in awe
    facial expression was that of the statement u make when saying "u look like you've saw"
    but this was far from ghost, an far from hoax, the mans arms had start to roast
    on the hot cement road as the smell of the flesh had him starting to choke

    that whole shit with the ghost...was really dope..very vivid..

    glancing over to the passenger seat where Mandy last sat
    drew could now see that she split, her and her spleen were detached
    looking back down fast the boy held what had only rhymed with night
    still dripping Mandy’s blood drew focused in on the knife
    knowing he was no longer in control of his life his eyes closed
    while standing his time froze as he slowly took the knife blow


    this was a nice ending...i think u write better..when u write it as a complete story..and not trying to keep it on a topical type shit..when u put urself in the characters postion..explain there every movements..etc..but corey did bring out a good point..u shouldn' thave switched person thruout..u went from drew..mandy..to we..us..etc...should of kept it all in one person..but to me that didnt take away from the verse..it was still written nice...an dstill brought more to the table then talent did...i dont see why he wouldn't of put more effort into a match like this...cause this battle could of easily went both ways...match of the week right here...props to both y'all for bringing the heat...but l-dogg inched this one out..not by much..just enough..if talent would of brought more to the table..and gave more effort..it prolly would of been better...but to me..ldogg pulled this one out...

    vote = ldogg


    PROPS to both y'all...
    test
  17. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    And your 2nd annual....RSTL TOURNEY Champion Goes To

    L Dogg....Good job by both
    test
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