RSTL mag... no countdown this weeek, its saturday and its kindlate to hype shit up

Discussion in 'Emcee Hookups' started by Insanevillian, Feb 25, 2012.

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  1. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    but i dont want patrowns hard work and the interview to go down the drain... hopefully next week i can get started on shit a little bit sooner

    RSTL Mag...

    Week 6 edition


    Welcome all to another edition... ill say late late edition of the RSTL Mag.... I apologize for not being able to deliver the goods last week as my review master flew the coup... This week we will have Patrown doing the reviews and he has done a nice job with it.... THe big story of the RSTL is .... Our Mystery man upended a legend... IV... to continue an undefeated streak as champion, and people dont know who he is... I asked him 10 burning questions.... And he will answer them all for you.... Defcon 5 was finally put in his place last week :p as he learned winning an RSTL title wont be as easy as he thought.... TekneeK and IV, two of the originators have signed out of the RSTL this week... The I Vizzle plans to be back in the league soon... Im just busy irl, and i have to prioritize, but ill be back in a few weeks.... More random thoughts? ummm.... Pent Up vs Breathless should have gotten more votes, including from me... *slaps self* .... sorry for not voting last week but ill make it yp by voting this week as a former champion and a soon to be mod.... Lets get to Patrown and the week in Review!....

    Week 5 in the Rhyme Storytelling League, 2012



    After reading everyone's drops this week, I volunteered to break down each one for a reason. Everyone who participated in week five did their own thing and they did it well. Some pieces simply didn't get the attention they deserved. I'll put some thought into why I think that happened, but you won't be reading any criticism found in the few votes that were made. Lazy bars have been picked on already. Now it's time to give some credit where credit is due. Also, I will be giving my own opinions on what could have been done to turn a loss into a win.



    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...-lyricalpriest-2-2-vs-10-omega-man-2-2-a.html



    Omega Man didn't get one vote. It would have been hard for me to decide. My opinion might be different from yours so I'll keep it to myself. Hah, fuck that. He did what he wanted to do. I commend omega for having some fun. Keep in mind I'm not saying his verse was better. It was enjoyable and comedic. Although he did throw some stuff in for drug consumers, those sloppy word choices are important elements of a satirical piece. One that some may appreciate more after a closer look.



    Lyrical Priest is evolving as a writer in front of us. I do consider him a friend, but I didn't find out he writes from the heart by talking to him. These following lines are good examples of how I knew:

    '



    I'm certain he used "if" again after food for the soul to say, if you understand me right now, listen:

    Be a master of your fate by controlling your emotions and they won't control you.

    I could go on and on about why I think LP did a good job, but that would take four pages.

    I came here to learn how to write, so when I'm gone I still may help others. He's doing it now.



    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...hamp-1-kuja-4-0-vs-2-insanevillian-3-1-a.html



    Insane Villain mentioned he thinks this song still needed some work. It was written a year ago and he posted it up instead of not showing. He shared his life story with us. That's a brave thing to do..

    You can only put so much in a song about your life, when you've lived through his. Some were left wanting more, but IV told an honest story of his life. The song was very good, and I wouldn't want a thing changed even if it wasn't.



    Kuja's our champion mystery man for Ireland. His raw storytelling ability got him to the top, and has kept him there. Direct language commands our attention. Multiples, inners, and fancy rhyme schemes

    must look like cheating to Kuja. He can tell you a story so honest to our senses, it feels real.

    A campfire superhero with no real name, he brings us into realities more tangible then himself.

    You start reading his verse, and all of the sudden you're right there with the main character. I mean, you don't feel the tank run his ass over, but I I felt for that kid out there in the warzone. I was happy when that veteran grabbed him by the wrist. I felt a bit safer with the veteran to protect us and worried when they drifted into sleep unwillingly. It all vanished with this line,

    "Because the thing about this picture,".

    A bar that begins with "because," even if following a bar with a comma, still irritates my sense of right and wrong. I wouldn't be harping on you about it unless the word "picture" came into view right as the picture itself did.. Then we find out they got ran over by something in the picture. I was never told they were sleeping next to that tank. It felt like a dirty trick. I've never had one misplaced word bother me this much. Just know, I enjoyed experiencing your world enough to be upset by reality. ​
    test
  2. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    Yet they have to maintain a healthy level of respect to stay out of jail, get visitation rights, and avoid paying the full amount of child support taken from your paycheck before it's in your hands.

    "kill vision, bashing her I expect her fleeing".. "to a new state.."

    Most times, it's the guy who winds up moving, but a man can still dream, right?



    The last stanza really embodied the way popular society/hip hop warps the image of women.

    Many just cannot see, or do not care, how blatantly their friends use them. Or how they use everyone around them. How they are being used by men..

    "bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks.." you know the rest, and tac repeated the notion.

    All around, not a bad drop. Flaws are in the votes.. He approached a hateful topic well, and

    polished it up with dilemmas men and women will bring with them to the graveyard.



    Pestilence - I had to read the verse aloud after the first couple bars. Sounded so damn catchy I worked in my own delivery of it. Now that someone has tested the water, so many v. and although he really didn't make any other hidden references besides black eye and pot to the kettle.. it was still glorious. He's talented enough with this vocabulary to take out an experienced topical writer

    I hadn't seen a solid story line lose​
    test
  3. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...nder-3-pent-up-3-0-vs-4-breathless-2-2-a.html



    Breathless- I took the verse at face value until after a couple reads through, this clicked,



    " I Well, other than the one with the capital H, who the hell else am I havin' to blame it on?
    What tactical gain could come from claimin' god planned it this way? Am I wrong?
    Or not? C'mon! Say somethin', wait, who am I even talkin' to?
    Am I dead? I'm confused, if so, I never knew it'd be this awkward too...
    I figured it'd be cold an' dark, but this, this is awful cruel.
    I shiver, golden sparks of light aurc across this thoughtful fool's
    eyes, but the sight inside his mind has far from caught the view"



    After I realized this was about an inner struggle related to a religious aspect.. I knew that and he died at the end.



    Not much more to do but wait and see what'll really happen.
    So I lock the door and choose what fate'll be fulfilled at random.



    " Now, from where I sit, no one pales in comparison."



    Great piece altogether, one of my favorite topicals of the season. I asked breath about it, and if anybody is wondering, golden sparks of light arc are not necessarily good things. I had to ask him ..



    I am following a pattern of suggesting something that could have taken the win, in your case I've seen syllable counts mentioned against you nobody really got into it.. that's all I really can say so



    "last week my biggest problem was if the basement'll flood a bit.
    Now it's lookin' a little smaller next to the way this all has come unhinged.
    I'd say the fault's on none but Him, but it'd be a practical shame.
    Well, other than the one with the capital H, who the hell else am I havin' to blame it on?
    What tactical gain could come from claimin' god planned it this way? Am I wrong?"



    the 2nd and 4th bar have 22 s yllables in them. but your rhyme scheme's is keepin them happy while you say what you have to say... people get bored with long sentences, short attention spans, I'm not sure... but here..



    "except when a system draws closer, but the lightning never stays.
    Calm as can be as the drizzle falls, with a swipe she starts to play
    with a wayward string dangling from the sleeve of my coat like lifeless prey.

    I'd like to say that I can still find the faith I somehow might get saved,
    gotta shake my frame of mind from saying the next flicker will hold it's shadow."



    the last line above is my favorite, but I see why it would throw others off..

    the phrase "next flicker will hold its shadow" is a little rough on the ears, it doesn't have the smooth est sound to it.. so to those concentrating on a pieces flow, it's a bitch to get around when you have a lot to say. If itwere my piece and i was staring at it a while I might put a catchy inner before hold its shadow.





    Pent Up- Has summed up how I feel about all weddings and the majority of women.

    I want to quote the whole damn thing, but this captures what I think you did best,



    "She walked with a smug smile and the flair of a princess.
    Each layer of her gown could air out her business.
    If only her corset could spare the constriction
    so she could breathe before vowing bare to the witness.
    She wore her ball and chain to her marriage indifferent -
    a fashionable dress belt you'd compare with a vixens.
    It was thicker than usual - with daring ambition
    to help hide the bulge where she was bearing her children.
    Broken values alongside karma that faltered
    as she walked perched against the arm of her father."



    cold hearted, true to life. may I hand this out at feminist gatherings?





    "She's ready to be swept into the night any moment
    but first she passes off this rite of emotion.
    She's getting ready to be much more lady like -
    with thoughts that could make her unborn baby cry."



    change this rite of emotion to just the right and..

    bam.. how women get u in a nutshell.



    Pent, your votes were short this week, you know you're a beast.







    I'm OUT!



    -------------------------------------------------------------
    test
  4. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    10 Burning Questions

    With Kuja...




    1. What got you into wrting

    Well thats quite a tough one really, I remember at first I
    was doing the battle leagues altho I wasnt what you call
    very good haha, then I joined Rhymeneason and joined the
    topical league they had going there. Few names I can remember
    back then, Father Flow, Abolish, Jay Krupp, Talent etc. Then
    I heard of the RSTL, this is going back many years so im not
    too sure how it came about but yea I joined it, At my peak back
    then I was prob writing in aroun 4/5 topical leagues.

    2. Whar made you come back to the RSTL under an alias?

    If im been brutaly honest, I never really planned on coming
    back, So I just use to log in every now & again, to see what
    was happening & then yea I joined the league again but I wasnt
    sure how long the league was going to last, but anyway, I stuck
    around.I remember I reached the divison finals back in 2003
    under my text account, ended up going out to Dahloner, because
    I no-showed due to an connection problem if I remember right
    because I was pissed off about that. I cant remember making
    the 'Kuja' account but I used to have a doc in my folder with
    a list of names n passwords, found it on there haha

    3.Who was on top of the RSTL last time I was involved?

    Hmm well there have been quite a lot of people been on top in
    my time here, you yourself have been top many a time while I
    have been here. I think it may of been Richard Corey tho.

    4. What do you think makes a good verse?

    For me its imagery, those verses that just instantly paint
    a picture in your mind, I love em. Also a nice story and
    other than that, pretty much the usual.

    5. WHo do you think is the worse voter in the league?

    Breathless haha, he never seems to do it or if he does, he
    still manages to fall short.
    __________________

    6. best voter?

    Pent Up, Tells it how he sees it, always the best way.

    7.What do you think of Pent Up's style?

    One word, 'Beautiful' Pents style is top notch, and I belive
    im going to really have to produce something special to get
    even one vote.

    8.What will it take for this league to get back to 80 members?

    I dont think it ever will, at the moment too many people seem to be
    signing in then no showing, I really see no point in that what so ever.
    I guess if those who are signed in now, show week in week out then the
    league may grow, but cant see it ever reaching 80 again.

    9. word association

    Cereal killer - Legend
    Patrown - Hungry
    T.a.c - reliable

    10. Under what circumstance would you give up your alias?

    Prob if I was ever gonna leave, but at the moment im happy to be
    just known as Kuja & would rather been seen as this name rather than
    people just thinking of me as an alias.

    Thanks dude =-)

    and noooow for the RSTL Countdown!!!!!

    RSTL Countdown!!!

    will return next week​
    test
  5. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    Dope read guys.. well done..
    test
  6. Morbidiction

    Morbidiction New Member

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    Interesting...
    test
  7. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Thanks if the pops were directed at me.

    This was my first mag piece, and I learned how to detect the writers intent to a degree, when before it was my weakest point.

    I hope I can be kept on for the crits, next time i will follow the same pattern unless IV suggests i changed.
    test
  8. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    bump for interest in RSTL participants!!!
    test
  9. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    finally a mag.. lol.. u slackers, good job tho trill talk!! worth the wait
    test
  10. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    starting week 6's tonight.

    if anybody has any suggestions, I'm completely open to them on what I'm working on, the crits..
    Kuja, I really enjoyed your interview. Glad to know a bit about the mystery man =)

    For some reason, Defcon 5 vs Cereal Killer didn't make the edit, I spent a lot of time on that match, so I'm going to post those after i eat right now.. i have to edit them to a similar format.

    note: it was not intentional, ck, def, IV wasn't aware of the issue and said do what you do. (doin it) real soon. need food.. now.
    test
  11. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

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    i need to step up my voting game, i know...
    test
  12. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    yo breath I have no idea where that came from, what you messaged me is NOT in that pm i sent you of what i turned in which is im pretty sure identical to this one..
    where did you read that??
    I started with you here..

    "[Week 5] [Contender] 3. Pent uP(3-0) vs 4. Breathless(2-2)



    Breathless- I took the verse at face value until after a couple reads through, this "
    test
  13. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Missing crit's from week 5:


    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...-5-defcon_5-2-0-vs-6-cereal_killer-2-1-a.html

    Defcon's
    approach was a textbook example of how a story should progress. The clean transitions made for an entertaining read.
    I enjoyed how he was the one with something to remember her by, in the end. Subtle twist connections always hit the spot. At the following point, things fell apart. No one elaborated on this, I must.


    Ok i'm agitated now i've been waiting for hours
    i wanted to be a hero, she's the kryptonite taking my power
    i can't take it no more why did this happen to me
    better yet happened to us, i was so happy to meet
    a woman likeher, but now she went and saddened my glee
    i told her it's til death do us part now i'ma practice and preach
    wait til she gets home she's in for a surprise i promise
    no backing out now she's gonna get it, i've decide on it
    no it's too easy to kill her, it's to simple to die
    oohhh even better i'll give her something to remember me by

    "she went and saddened my glee," after that phrase, things went dowhill.
    When a choppy" surprise I promise" could have been a wedding ring, I wanted to know why there was "no backing out" and she was definitely "gonna get it."
    Language use "i'ma" was easy to overlook with the first halfs plot evelopment..before the next fundamental mistakes.
    The line ending in "surprise i promise" needed at least some rhyming with the bar before it after ending four bars in the same sound.
    Careful attention to the progression of rhyme schemes, the plots development, and a very slight change in one syllable count at crucial moment in the story could have outweighed any damage done by word choices.

    Up until the paragraph I highlighted, Def was on his way to a possible victory. The characters insecurities made him easy to connect to. If obsessive insecure thoughts formed some kind of conspiracy to cause his behavior, many would have been drawn into the story more despite a few mistakes.
    He's going to take me out with a vengeance for this, but what's the RSTL without thorough critiques?
    test
  14. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Cereal Killer Took me back to the darkest period in my life. It's hard to read, but after getting through the entire piece I couldn't help but marvel at how the tone described the feeling. It felt like my own confession spoken in a tone I've felt.
    Many phrases were easy to comprehend there are a few that may have been overlooked I want to point out.
    It may not make sense to most of you, but I really was moved by the honesty of the man. This quote was chosen for that's what it's like to be on a never ending mission to die, while you still want to live.



    Play your games and explore my depths
    In debt, I project no more than cautioned steps
    I’m left with a portion of torments best morphine pressed
    I’m stressed, taught to orphan the short straws scent
    But yet I horde and implore regret like a fortune kept
    As meth deforms each fret of my tortured breath
    I’m slaughtered; deaths own creation by tracks unstationed
    Racing in an unsanitary shack trying to outrun patience
    Out gun strangeness



    The first line is show room self destruction, fueled by a need for someone to know how far down you really are. It's sad, because nobody understands. Nobody cares about you when you look like the walking dead. That's when all you really have is your own torments.

    Suppressed by the strongest damn drug you can find.
    Orphan the straws scent cracked me up. Snorting blow like a kirby. I used to say, " I just like how it smells."You could do a gram in a line, and want to chop up more immediately afterwards.

    Holding on to your regret, living inside of self pity until it is all you have left. Your fortune kept. Obviously meth rots teeth, but when it turns into infected open wounds in your arms.. you may find yourself in the dirtiest hovel you can find, because it's dirty enough for you to sit inside, and stare at that needle and spoon until you give in to an insatiable need you've recently "satisified."

    And lastly , simply said with three words. Out gun strangeness. That's you, around anyone. Once your mind fixates on a fix like a vampire, everyone knows. They look at you, and you're trying the whole time to act normal. It's very hard when you look as if you're about to die, white powder on the nostrils that you can't seem to clean off with the showers you don't take.. all those memories come to me from these bars alone. I can't go farther into this one. It's painful to think about, and there is too much he said to cover here.

    This is by far the most emotionally gripping piece of writing, any writing, I have ever read in my entire life. CK, thank you for writing this. It was truly amazing, and reminded me of where I don't want to go.
    test
  15. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusic-...3-week-5-7-t-c-1-1-vs-8-pestilence-1-0-a.html



    T.a.C - this verse goes a bit beyond hiphops negative influence on our perception of women.

    It's hard to raise a daughter, when (hiphop)society is warping their brain at every turn.



    You may get laughed at for keeping your purity
    By girls giving it up easy to ease their insecurity
    Be the best you can be, be a strong lady
    Tell guys to keep their hands where they belong, baby
    All their corruptible plans will be thwarted
    And as long as I’m alive, you’ll be supported



    A 16 year old virgin when I was a kid was one of the normal kids. Nowadays, 13 year old pregnant girls are running around talking about "my baby daddy," when they're not sure who that person is.

    It's very sad when Dad get's to realize he's raising a miniature version of the women he's been trying to destroy ..



    But I can’t, cuz I know my lil girl loves her
    So I just blast her to millions, whoever will listen
    Until I’ve destroyed her credibility, my ill mission
    Kill vision, bashing her I expect her fleeing
    To a new state, her fault for being a lesser being
    A fuckin bitch, I’d hang her from a fuckin rafter
    For being too stupid to take her pill the morning after



    So much care for the daughter that you wanted to have aborted.. how many of my friends mothers will tell them how Dad wanted them taken out while still in the womb? I know many fathers who wanted the same thing. Then once their kid is born, the kids Mom is the enemy.

    On the flip side, I've had an ex abort a kid after a couple months of baby preparations.

    Fucked up feeling. . .

    Although I don't know the female's side of this, Men definitely are on an "ill mission."

    Yet they have to maintain a healthy level of respect to stay out of jail, get visitation rights, and avoid paying the full amount of child support taken from your paycheck before it's in your hands.

    "kill vision, bashing her I expect her fleeing".. "to a new state.."

    Most times, it's the guy who winds up moving, but a man can still dream, right?



    The last stanza really embodied the way popular society/hip hop warps the image of women.

    Many just cannot see, or do not care, how blatantly their friends use them. Or how they use everyone around them. How they are being used by men..

    "bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks.." you know the rest, and tac repeated the notion.

    All around, not a bad drop. Flaws are in the votes.. He approached a hateful topic well, and

    polished it up with dilemmas men and women will bring with them to the graveyard.



    Pestilence - I had to read the verse aloud after the first couple bars. Sounded so damn catchy I worked in my own delivery of it. There wasn't a story behind it all. Instead, a theme was explored with a profound tone that grabbed the readers attention. Then that attention was exploited ruthlessly with amazing word play for the win.



    Final note:
    I hadn't seen a solid story line outdone by a piece without one until this week. When it happened twice. I'm not saying the winners didn't deserve it, but I'm going to have no problem for voting solely on what appeals to me more when I return.
    test
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