[Round 2] 2. ShadowWarriorfs(1-0) vs 13. Breathless(0-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Sep 6, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
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    VOTING


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    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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  3. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

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  4. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

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    First Child

    Revenge

    An affair with your neighbor.


    [​IMG]

    "She's not mine!?" the short sentence always seemed to cross her mind
    Her only real memory of that hallway scene lost in time
    everything else she couldn't truly remember that well
    recollection through a blur, a flurry of her dad's yells

    in a fury, clearly not hearing sorry through the sobs of guilt
    salt water spillin' down sorrowful cheeks drowned in filth
    how could you...go out and do this
    and now, i've found the truth, and you're pissed?

    bitch, what's the purpose of me still bein' here?
    I know, i was gone, for three long years
    but never thought that what seemed sorta weird with the neighbor
    would turn out real, but it did, now i'm feelin' more than pure anger

    no cure for the fearless present danger
    revenge against the person who coveted mine
    and the apparently pregnant stranger...
    we had just become husband and wife...

    got a letter in the mail bag a couple months after deployment
    sayin' we succeeded at what we failed at...confused...
    then I was overjoyed, my battle wasn't won, but ours was
    finally, i could rejoice, fight another day through this sour dust

    an image of a child's face, brought to light
    all the while graced my thoughts at night
    even after I was captured, imprisoned and tortured
    I'd keep on laughin', thinkin', i'm still a soldier of fortune

    but little did I know, you had been informed I had blown up
    little did they know, it was just my blood on that torso
    devastated, you can't be a single parent, so, what more is less important
    you turned the act of two freak miracles into performin' an abortion

    then hooked up with someone else, had another but didn't marry
    not ready for my return?? what the hell do you think prepared me?
    you should've spared me the grief, three weeks don't seem very long?
    that stare of disbelief...i guess was deeper than I'd ever thought

    yea, she seemed smaller than a two and a half year old..
    but, i bet she'll bleed just like one, like you did to have yer own
    that was my pride and joy....
    I wonder what of yours I can destroy...

    tiny bones crush so easily beneath my war torn fingers
    the smell of death rising is overpowered
    by the ever present stench of where the forlorn lingers
    a horrible coward...

    teeth clenched, harder than my hands around this teeny neck
    then at last, a release, deep and purely,
    not from me, or the beast that creeps prematurely
    but from the evil of vengeance, that demon of maternity

    certainly, this'll eat a hole in the back of my mind
    knowing what i'm leaving on a soul that hasn't hit it's prime
    imparting a piece of evil on a spirit young and innocent
    why her and not her mother? she should be the one to witness it

    the last tragic action of this dramatic masterpiece happened
    in an instance of blind rage, a divine fate, passion's reaction
    the final slice of the knife blade, swung wide, an undecided swipe placed
    severing the tight veins on the underside of my face...you're welcome

    the best decision i ever made, giving my life away
    a blessing in disguise, forever hidden by the light of day
    as i look down writing this, reminiscing on the sound of that last whisper
    i return a smile to my daughter, who's playing in the clouds with her half sister

    [​IMG]
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  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    need an extension...sorry...too tired to finish this..should be up by noon
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Dance Puppets


    My parents would spoil me with lavish gifts
    From dolls to dresses, anything I could lift
    Dad bought me a stuffed bear for Christmas
    His name was Teddy, we were connected at the wrist
    As the years passed, fewer words were exchanged
    My parent started arguing, both demanding change
    Sleepless nights quickly became the routine
    Innocent dreams ending abruptly by their screams
    Each night consisting of furniture being dropped
    While their words echo even when the voices have stopped
    By morning we were forced to eat breakfast in silence
    For my sake yet I examined the fruits of their violence
    Teddy kept me company despite the threats and cold stares
    Mom accused dad of rekindling his old affairs
    While dad responded with hostility that deafened the air
    The lies and infidelity were minute, neither seemed to care
    They just wanted to argue, clashing over the littlest things
    Suddenly the phone rings…


    Mom had hired a lawyer to file for divorce
    Dad was shocked but decided to embrace this course
    He walked me to my room and to prepare for bed
    “We love you Tammy despite the words we’ve said”
    Dad tucked me in and with a kiss he vanished
    The arguing continued, growing more outlandish
    I walked down the hall just as mom called dad petty
    I watched the finger pointing while holding Teddy
    The closer I came, the more aggressive they were
    I could see their faces now but my eyes were unsure
    Their voices full of anger, the hate was loud and clear
    “Who were these people?” I thought to myself in fear
    MY parents loved each other, MY parents loved me
    These were savages, mindless puppets on a spree
    As I grabbed Teddy closely I noticed the strings
    They came from Teddy, connecting to their wedding rings
    I dropped him to the floor and my parents followed
    “What was going on?” I screamed, too panicked to swallow
    I started pacing back and forth, to scared to flee
    Was Teddy controlling it all or subconsciously…
    Was it me?


    [​IMG]
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  7. Muti

    Muti I just write

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    Breathless...

    good story I thought as a whole...I felt it jumped around a bit and that is probably due to the fact you chose like 3 topics and two pictures so you got it all in there which was impressive by the way..you had some good stanzas and some bad stanzas

    got a letter in the mail bag a couple months after deployment
    sayin' we succeeded at what we failed at...confused...
    then I was overjoyed, my battle wasn't won, but ours was
    finally, i could rejoice, fight another day through this sour dust

    that to me wasnt a good stanza

    Shadow

    Props...thats all i want to say lol...I mean the topic usuage and story unfolding was very good..the ending was nice. not as all over the place like breathless was. just a nice solid read.

    my vote shadow...more complete story and good usuage of the topics
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  8. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    Shadow is DQ'd via no show @ friday. It appears that Breathless has not agreed to the extension as well.

    Vote = Breathless

    Breathless - Great verse and story, the fluency isn't there but the progression is done well. I think you could of done better but regardless you won.
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  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    actually it says not denying an extension request ='s accepting it. check the rules.


    vote will go here.
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  10. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    Very well

    Shadow - Good progression and storytelling, unfortunately your lines were very uncreative and basic (which was something your opponent struggled with for a majority of his verse as well).

    I'd edge out the win to you
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  11. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    Breathlesss
    I can see you have put a lot of work in to your verse
    Twist and turns on every other line
    The rhymes are good
    The imagery is mostly good, though I did get a little lost a couple of times and ended up reading it a couple of times
    The story was good, but as I said I got a little mixed up here and there.
    It sought of reminded me of the movie with Ben Affleck in it.
    I am not too sure about the flow.
    Nice verse

    Shadow
    A nice delivered story, enjoyable read.
    Smooth flow from start to finish
    The imagery was powerful and kept me moving on through the story
    It held my interest and kept growing
    The rhymes were nice, and clear
    And related to the story, I liked that it had a beginning, middle and end.
    Nice drop

    For clearer imagery and full clear story
    Vote shadow
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  12. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    breathless.
    it's obvious rhymes aren't your strong suit, or is it just this piece of yours that you intentionally didn't try as hard on the rhymes as you did on the story. beautiful emotional and pretty sad and depressing story of an army person figuring out his wife has cheated, not intentionally though. i liked the flow of the story aswell, but i just think it needed some stronger rhymes. that's the only thing you lacked.

    shadow.
    your story was more obvious with the image you used, but the rhymes were alot better than breathless. i love your flow now, it's very easy to follow, and despite the extention issue, you did well with coming up with a verse in the time given.

    Was Teddy controlling it all or subconsciously…
    Was it me?


    i liked how it ended with a question, nice.

    my vote.
    shadow.

    :numaan:
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  13. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

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    nu'maan, you don't understand multi-word rhyming, most of shadows were extremely basic, bed, said..were, sure...petty, teddy....i guess that's far more complex than young and innocent, one to witness it, ...husband and wife, coveted mine...present dange, pregnant stranger...two and a half year old, you did to have yer own...

    seriously, that was the one aspect i totally owned this on...
    but, shadow still won in my opinion regardless of that
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  14. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

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    I think he ment they rhymed better. innocent and witness it barely rhyme for example. I disagree with Nu here but I'm assuming that's what he means. Anyway, i feel Shadow's verse progressed much better. The story telling aspect of it to me is the most important thing and Shadow was a lot better. Breathless had better rhyming but it's not enough to win.

    Vote: Shadow
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  15. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Shadow wins 5-0
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  16. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    You should of seen what I did against him last week, people don't know how to judge here.
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  17. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Shadow wins 5-0
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