[Round 1] 8. Vern Acular vs 14. Nu maaN

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 29, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008


    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
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    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
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    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
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    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
  2. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Aug 27, 2005
  3. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Oct 10, 2001
    hey i honestly just saw this I thought you guys were taking a week off before the tourney I may not be able to post tonight and i request an extension if that's ok
  4. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Aug 27, 2005
    all hood, man.

    i'll use my next post for my verse.

    should have the votes up by sunday night.

  5. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Aug 27, 2005
    road less chosen.


    my mindstate. it no longer has a postcode,
    a blind date with my fate. i've gone postal.
    run? i've walked out of patience to remain calm,
    leave you all dead patients with this napalm,
    fake bomb, boom. but you were convinced of doom,
    because the shade of my skin? hoped you'd listen. soon,
    all this gloom will consume, leaving tombs in the womb,
    where the loons will just loom, no more room for one to bloom.
    get your spoon, let me feed you with some food for thought,
    and who the fuck are YOU to try to tell me who's my God?,
    ruled by heart, wasn't long 'fore i schooled the yard.
    abused the hard, left the judas with no cure for scars,
    a cruel jihad, watch me feed you your own medicine,
    in the news you pen us in to be these wicked men who sin?
    i shed the skin for my kin, but all you see is terrorist,
    this derelict arabic has devilish intelligence,
    tear ya wrist, your fear is bliss, record your cries for after,
    and i've paid for all my sins, with my smiles and laughter.

    i painted clouds in the sky with my brushstroke of genius,
    amongst the dumb folk i found that the gunsmoke is meaningless,
    so now i glorify crime with my horrifying rhymes,
    lingering thoughts on fingering corpses - a mortified mind.
    climbed mountains of truth to reach my fountain of youth,
    found the sound in the booth, to keep me down and let loose,
    helps me drown all you fools, sit and think with ink,
    on the brink with my shrink, until i sink in drink,
    it's hard to blink, downed too many pills to stay up,
    flashbacks on the hills just to chill and blaze drugs,
    now it's too late to play bruh, try to find my prayer rug,
    bump into guilt, have a talk, my eyes fade shut.

    .. what the fuck, i'm way fucked. i'm in the depths of hell,
    all these deaths and regrets i have no breath to yell,
    i try to step but fell, while pure innocence attacked,
    wall to back, as they track the most grimacing of acts,
    all goes black, when the judge tilts the sands of time,
    then all i see are those i've killed, and all my plans of crime,
    .. the victims admitting, in blissful chants that rhyme,
    i utter 'what about the landmines in the lands of mine?'
    getting judged by my sins, amongst a judge and jury,
    while the dark guards look on, mugs smug with fury.
    i'm in hell so i inhale .. my lungs catch fire,
    flat tire on my road to perdition, no wrath higher,
    had to welcome my fear just to overcome anxiety,
    this angst society has done nothing, but lie to me.
    the straight path don't always lead to better places,
    but fuck these bitter secrets, i felt better sacred,
    scared and scarred .. plenty more nights of strife,
    .. so here i write my fight for twenty five to life.

    edit ; edited a few pause/breaks.

  6. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Oct 10, 2001


    rose petals and vanilla filled the breeze in which she walked in
    an angels aura taps me on the shoulder...then she walks in
    memories meander then the cancer started talking
    haven't seen her in a while...a little banter...the exhaustion
    then a canter to a toxin...her beauty starts decieving
    when she sends a poisoned arrow right into his heart this evening
    fluorescent flirting takes a turn...and turns into a dark agreement
    followed by a pause in breathing then those little thoughts of dreaming
    but he was too lost to see when she approached him with a smile
    she broke his heart before but he was hopeless in denial
    and just seeing her again and he was throwing in the towel
    willing to pick a microphone up and show it to the crowd

    cause he was still in love with her...he knew it was a waiste
    he remembered when she left him and the usual discrace
    off and on so many vodka bombs it blew up in his face
    when she told him that she missed him then the beauty would erase
    silence overwhelmed him...not a movement in the place
    just a constant humming in his ears...a dutiful embrace
    as if a stairway to a juke box alluded to the haste
    and assuming the debate he left the room without a trace
    an illusion would escape....a rollercoaster of emotion
    filled his carnival of feelings...a tight rope by any notion
    life spoke he knew he had to fight hope with an expulsion
    divulging any desire but vulnerable to devotion

    infactuated repulsion...but why did i even care
    and continue to contradict was it irony in the air
    vanilla rose...the scent exposed me entirely and i'm scared
    cause this centerfold is growing inside of me it's unfair
    he was vitally unaware of events that would happen next
    he tried to walk away until an awkward pain attacked his chest
    and before he could catch his breath...somebody tapped his neck
    it must of been a passive quest and well he didn't pass the test
    is everything ok...she asked him...yes...then had to guess
    cause by the silence he submitted she admitted that she messed
    everything they had up...but something didn't add up
    maybe it was bad luck...and then it happened yes

    a night of passion, sex, the lack of rest...it wouldn't let me leave
    my conscience tried to set me free but i got lost in exctasy
    the woman of my dreams i let her fly....and yes it's she
    who in the past neglected me...but she came back it's meant to be
    and yes it seems that although rare...it can happen at times
    a passion that died before can come back and survive
    but the lack of a straight jacket on the madness inside
    can create relationships as if a fashion design
    but this is scary cause that night she came back was a lie
    she broke his heart and now he had another chance to decide
    the time passed it's climax and with happiest sigh
    he whispered i got you back but...
    she was trapped in his eyes

  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Aug 3, 2005
    vote = Vern

    Nu - I liked the raw approach to your verse, however I felt like you were rhyming just to rhyme and there were only small segments where you were actually delivering some sort of story or message. I also didn't really connect the topic you used to the verse overly well.

    Vern - So this wasn't polished like your verses usually are with typos and mis-worded spots however I really liked the tone of this piece. The flow was very smooth and you definitely had a stronger rhyme scheme than your opponent. All in all I connected better with your verse than I did with Nu's and that's why my vote goes to you.
  8. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

    Jan 23, 2011
    Vote: Vern

    Nu's verse felt like it was focusing too much on rhyming and not enough on the imagry and telling a story which took a lot away from your verse. I'd liked to of seen your verse developed a bit more, and if you're going to focus on rhyming don't just use single sylabel rhymes like you did at some points. Vern's verse felt a lot more thought put and smoother, for example the flow and rhyming was better than Nu's. I usually don't like long verses but I feel like there wasn't a lot of filler or stretched out ideas in the verse so it never felt boring or too long.
  9. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004
    Wow your rhymes are great, and so many.
    The flow is continuous and smooth, just reading it, makes you rap it out.
    I can hear it to a beat.
    The imagery was good, though I thought there could be more depth to your story
    Note: how I spelt your name.

    An emotional piece with a nice smooth flow
    The imagery was strong the rhymes were relevant to the story and carried the images through
    To the end
    The flow was spot on
    The story was nicely told, and related to your topic

    For having a more complete story
    Vote vern
  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008
    Nu - I thought you started off really strong but sort of lost steam towards the end of the verse. through the last stanza i was having a hard time staying in to it. Unlike GL? and Mrj, i really enjoyed your rhymes throughout. I do, however, agree with GL? about having a hard time connecting the topic with the verse.

    Vern - Like Nu, i was digging your rhymes here a lot. This verse was more entertaining though for me. The imagery was great. There were a lot of typos though, which kept throwing me off a bit. just gotta proof read a little. but aside from that theres really nothing i can knock about this verse. good showing.

    vote- Vern
  11. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Apr 11, 2004
    Nu - Great story here. The rhymes and flow were solid but really got me with this was the wording. You have always been a prince of wording. The imagery was very nice because of how well you word your stories. I don't really know what i disliked about it but the entertainment value was good but not great. Still a solid performance.

    Vern - Excellent delivery here. The imagery was superb and i the flow ad rhymes were solid. The story was very interesting. I actually thought it would be boring based on the topic you used but you surprised me. I don't have a negative thing to say about this story. good work here

    Excellent matchup guys. Definitely the best this week, so far. If i had to chose a winnder, if would have to be Vern based on the entertainment value of the story. Good work guys!

    V/ Vern
  12. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Oct 10, 2001
  13. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Feb 25, 2008
    Vern wins 4 to -1
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