[Round 1] 2. ShadowWarriorfs vs 20. PhilaTit

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 29, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
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    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
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    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
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    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    test
  3. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    Checking in, let me know what the topic is.

    Nevermind, writting.
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  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    How much more is there to this life?
    Society in shamble as we pick at the scabs of strife
    People encompassed in hope bask in its essence
    Believing it to be key to experience HIS presence
    Ignorant to the truth while embracing the fiction
    Like children hiding within a fairytale depiction
    So as to hold firmly to its teachings of fallacy
    Being trapped within the hiccup of that reality
    They willingly give themselves to oblivion
    I miss the wars like that with the Libyans
    There was truth there, no candy, no pixie dust
    Just real people fighting for a truth visible to us

    When did things become so wrong?
    Back then; we were divided yet we were strong
    United against the world to defend our hope
    Forced to hurl dead bodies to fill the slopes
    Being helpless while others choke on their blood
    Barely able to fight within the trenches we dug
    But we prevailed and maintained our peace
    The world was watching, hoping we would cease-
    To exist but we would persist, we were survivors
    Yet we watch our children become mindless liars
    Too lazy and weak to put out their own fires
    It sickens me how much we’ve regressed-
    As a people, all our hard worked now a mess
    I’ve grown depressed still wondering, “what’s left?”
    I can no longer stand this dismal state of unrest
    While sitting in the dark, I mumble softly

    "Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"
    — Albert Camus

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  5. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    Everyday I drown myself in pain but these dreams resurface what I let go
    Is my fate digging my grave to seek a purpose of this hell hole
    Theres no way to be for certain of this devil
    Then I look into the mirror and it becomes clear the beast is lurkin and deaths close
    I try to scream only to hear the reassurance of my echo
    Pondering if I may be disturbed then my breath froze
    Clutching onto blankets seein blurs sent through my mental
    As my vision fades again its a prison phase within
    Where my hidden fate begins and the system creates descent
    The thoughts become actions bringing me closer to entrapment
    What I start to imagine is too hard to grasp it
    Those same passions are absent, past tense
    Standing idly by as the future passes you think I blindly pray for fewer caskets
    Because the only aftermath is we'll never have a last wish
    Then once again everything blackens, I'm confronted with sadness on my matress
    Witnessing a nightmare thats too grim I couldn't prevent it yet I knew them
    At least I should how could I be so stupid, elevated was my only friend in a noose stiff
    I struggled but the rope wouldn't loosen, coming a step closer to the end with every movement
    Why would a good person choose this then I notice their holding onto a note with a loose grip
    Only to become more shocked and clueless last night these were the same words that I drew then
    Thats when I came to the conclusion this time what I was seeing was no illusion
    I was too concerned to free what was hurtin me
    Life is the worst to leave find what makes it worth to keep
    You never know when words will speak
    In return don't sleep in this eternal dream





    "Eternal Dream"
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  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    vote = Shadow

    Shadow - This verse was about anything and nothing. The tie in to the topic was sloppy and this felt like a complete throw away verse. I liked parts of this, but as a whole it really didn't do anything for me. You mentioned some images, but never developed anything.

    Phila - This started out fairly well and then turned into a wtf moment. You jumbled it into god knows what with completely out of no where imagery and stretched your bars beyond belief. You could have won this because Shadow came half assed, but you shot yourself in the foot.
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  7. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    Do you need a breakdown? And all of the bars sound good when you rap it aloud, this is not presented over a beat where line length makes it strict its just slam poetry with a storyline and moral/concept.

    Glad your reaction is wtf @ my concept though, that is the type of feedback I want.
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  8. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

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    Vote: Shadow

    Phila's verse didn't flow very well at all to me, the line length felt stretched out too much in places and way too short in others. A lot of teh rhymes also felt forced or jsut not there. I get the idea was that the verse would be experimental and make people say WTF like you said, but you need to balance that with the verse veing reader friendly. Shadow's verse at times felt un-focused but for the most part was a good verse. The verse also didn't tie in with the verse that much which was a bit weird.
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  9. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    Shadow
    A nice little verse,
    It had a nice flow and the imagery was good
    The story was good but I feel it was only half a story,
    There could have been more into it which I would have enjoyed reading

    Phila Tit
    A nice verse
    The imagery was good and clear for the most parts,
    The flow was good though it drifted a little, this didn’t distract too much from
    The story.
    I would have liked a little more depth to both the stories
    For a smoother read
    Vote shadow
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  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Shadow - I thought this was decent considering how different and how far out of your comfort zone you stepped with this. compared to most of the concepts of your verses this was apples and oranges. however it was really short, underdeveloped, and needed some work.

    Phila - This was also a short verse you could have worked on a bit. Some of your lines, especially towards the end, were really stretched out. the " noose stiff/movement/loose grip/drew then" lines were insanely long. something to work on. but this was pretty good for a first showing. Shadow didnt try, and i feel like you made it close, but came up just short.

    vote- Shadow.
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  11. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    shadow - found this to be really bland. for some reason 'like that with the Libyans' was a line that really irked me and i don't know why. i think it was the 'like that with' just seemed like you were just filling in the line senselessly. i always feel like a bit of a cunt picking on filler bits because we're all guilty of it. the tie in with the topic felt very strained.

    phila - the rhymes were a bit basic and the line lengths really hindered. it is possible to have the rhythm within the long lines to keep it going but it just seemed to be mostly end rhymes stretching to another end rhyme which made me struggle catch the rhythm of it. it's always difficult with text to keep that rhythm obvious even if you know where it is when you're not sticking to thinks like iambic pentameter for example.

    vote shawod.
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  12. Muti

    Muti I just write

    Joined:
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    vote shawdow...

    stepping out into another way of writing is always interesting. I thought yoru story could of been better in the topic you chose but either way I just dont see where coffee comes into this..only the fact that you might not want to live.. I dunno..its written decent but just nothing there for me to be excited about when reading..

    Phila...I had a hard time reading your verse...when you doing text story telling..rhyming it the way you wrote it is very hard for the reder to pick up. It just looks as if you have a bunch of run on sentences with end rhymes and some inner rhyming as well. Just doesnt flow well in text story telling. still you have potential and I believe you get the flow part down your story telling could be very good
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  13. PhilaTit

    PhilaTit Well-Known Member

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    I think the story is going over heads so I will explain what you are supposed to be experiencing through the read.

    The first part, which is obvious, you are following her/his suppressed thoughts and already from the begining you draw the conclusion they are extremely depressed maybe even paranoid or lonely. However there is a twist and this will be important to remember for later, where the thoughts will lead them.

    When they "wake" to witness the dead body of their "only friend" they are having an Out of Body Experience, and find this hard to grasp because they do not realize they are actually dead. When they find the suicide note they are shocked to discover these are the same exact thoughts that they mentally maniphested which drove them to commit suicide. Go back and read the first part again (as it has a whole new meaning), there are lines that hint this person has trapped themselves by what they invision and feel, ultimately it becomes what they project and carry out.

    This verse/story was intended to be a creative journey instead of basic bullshit weaved together which I could of easily done just to get the win but I thought text battles were all about creativity/content, I would of felt I was cheating myself and the readers if I took any other simple approach.

    And are people really saying I lost because of "line length"

    If you actually RAP while reading this the longer parts flow much more fluently than the parts shorter by a syllable or two. Next time I enter I'll remember to dumb it down and sacrifice content/creativity for delivery, regardless if its insulting to my opponent.

    One last thing which is easily the dumbest thing said in this entire thread

    Everyday I drown myself in pain but these dreams resurface what I let go
    Is my fate digging my grave to seek a purpose of this hell hole
    Theres no way to be for certain of this devil
    Then I look into the mirror and it becomes clear the beast is lurkin and deaths close
    I try to scream only to hear the reassurance of my echo
    As my vision fades again its a prison phase within
    Where my hidden fate begins and the system creates descent

    Quite frankly, not only did I nail my picture and push the concept as far as possible my multiple syllable rhyming was executed damn near flawlessly.
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  14. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Shadow wins 6 to -3
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