[Round 1] 10. nom is dull vs 11. Murderous Keys vs 12. The Inkwell

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 29, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
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  2. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

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    Checking in for both Nom's and Ink's funeral, I will be writing their obituary's.


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  3. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    oh tits. seem to have not managed my time correctly. would you be so kind as to grant an extension?
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  4. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

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    I need one too, wife comes back home today so I will finish verse tomorrow morning, after morning sex.


    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  5. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    I’d only serenade a star with some grit in her teeth
    A vision that breeds contempt at a sickening speed
    I pick at my dreams until I feel the thread fray
    Days segue into nights like a dead weight

    I lost myself on the pier with my head in my hands
    Surefooted on the boards where the pessimists stand
    Another devil and man another shepherd and lamb
    Clutching too tight now that the memories land
    Penning a damned sonnet with a twist of the tongue
    Beating the ocean dry like it’s a fisherman’s drum
    Fitting a gun to my teeth with my tongue in the barrel
    My former self sat defeated just a drunk in the saddle
    Slumped and embattled with a sunset grin
    Singing slurred out of tune to a punctured hymn
    Jumbled sins make this slumber sting like cut brick
    Leave my heart in the rain until the rust sticks
    Midas wherever it touches, as the sea holds tight
    I breathe heavy get confused by the neon light
    So my fingers tap dance to my pocket for smokes
    Still laughing out of time to an obvious joke

    As the scene builds the sea spills over my boots
    And the smoke trails my steps as a sobering truth
    I’m hoping it’s you and I’ll do what I don’t want to do
    So I can end up as a ghost in your room

    So I ran from the beach still sobbing my heart out
    Tagging love notes on the walls of my glass house
    With life lessons marked out throwing stones sullenly
    Watching the light break through growing hope suddenly
    Then the summer leaves turning me to a lump of meat
    Gracing sunsets with my presence hunting beasts
    Tongue in cheek running free I hate my life
    Picture framing my fingers to help shape the sky
    This is where the danger lies, poker face tame disguise
    Now I feel so down on this tapered high
    A grace that drives me to cling to her figure
    As it disappears and I look insane as I shiver
    Enraged as I deliver my sermon to my house phone
    But all I get in return is a dial tone
    I’m tired though
    Every movement is a pain
    They thought I was aiming for the stars
    I was shooting for the drain

    As the scene falls apart I stare at the wall
    Walk to the kettle, surveying the war
    Face to the floor pulling the blinds down
    Write my last will and testament and sign out

    "Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"
    — Albert Camus
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  6. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

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    Had to put our dog down this evening, didn't have time nor did I feel like finishing my verse, so here's my no show peom so I don't get eliminated.

    Lost Love
    When tomorrow starts without me,
    and I'm not there to see;
    If the sun should rise and find your eyes
    all filled with tears for me;
    I wish so much you wouldn't cry
    the way you did today,
    While thinking of the many things
    we didn't get to say.
    I know how much you love me,
    as much as I love you,
    And each time you think of me,
    I know you'll miss me, too.
    But when tomorrow starts without me,
    please try and understand,
    That an angel came and called my name
    and took me by the hand,
    And said my place was ready
    in heaven far above,
    And that I'd have to leave behind
    all those I dearly love.
    But as I turned to walk away,
    a tear fell from my eye,
    For all my life I'd always thought
    I didn't want to die.
    I had so much to live for
    and so much yet to do,
    It seemed almost impossible
    that I am leaving you.
    I thought of all the yesterdays,
    the good ones and the bad,
    I thougth of all the love we shared
    and all the fun we had.
    If I could relive yesterday,
    I thought, just for a while,
    I'd say good-bye and kiss you
    and maybe see your smile.
    But then I fully realized
    that this could never be.
    For emptiness and memories
    would take the place of me.
    And when I thought of worldly things
    that I'd miss come tomorrow,
    I thought of you, and when I did,
    my heart was filled with sorrow.
    But when I walked through heaven's gates,
    I felt so much at home.
    When God look down and smiled at me,
    from His great golden throne.
    He said, "This is eternity
    and all I've promised you,
    Today your life on earth is past,
    but here it starts anew.
    I promise no tomorrow,
    but today will always last,
    And since each day's the same day,
    there's no longing for the past.
    But you have been so faithful,
    so trusting and so true,
    Though there were times you did some things
    you knew you shouldn't do.
    But you have been forgiven,
    and now at last your free.
    So won't you take my hand
    and share my life with me?"
    So when tomorrow starts without me,
    don't think we're far apart,
    For everytime you think of me,
    I'm right here in your heart.


    Sorry Nom.
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  7. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    Billy nom
    Wow a lot of rhymes, nicely done
    The flow was smooth and had a nice continues rhythm
    The biggest problem I had with this verse was the imagery
    Some parts I found to be clear other were a bit of a distraction and lead me of track
    I think somewhere in all those rhymes the story got lost, I don’t mean I didn’t get it.
    I mean there could have been more detail in the story, and a few less rhymes for the sake of rhyming
    Good verse

    Riot
    A very pretty verse, easy to read,
    Smooth flow from start to finish, the rhymes are relevant and help to build the images and the story
    Kind of a little story, but you said it was a no show verse. Yet I think it
    Is longer than some of the verses I have read that aren’t no show.
    The imagery is clear
    This is a hard one guys, I know it should be easy with riot doing a no show, but I really liked the verse
    And Billy, you have worked hard on your verse and it shows.
    Vote nom
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  8. Riot

    Riot The Dark Hero.

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    Wow, nice verse Nom.

    Vote links here.



    .
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  9. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

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    7,040
    Vote: Nom

    The whole thing flowed and rhymed perfectly, plus the story was well told with effective imagery. I honestly feel that if Riot finished his and gave it some polish he could have won as what he currently has is still a good verse, but for obvious reasons it wasn't up to par with Nom's verse. The rhyming in Riot's verse was clearly quite a few notches below Nom's, and to me that's what gave him the clear win.
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  10. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Nom - I saw that this was unfinished, but you did a nice job wrapping it up without it feeling like it was an abrupt ending. my favorite thing about this verse was the rhymes though. starting with the first stanza, it really set the tone and carried on. Flowed well. Story concept was nothing out there, but this was so well written it made up for it.

    Riot - First off, I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I went through that last year and it was the hardest thing i've ever done. On to the verse. Pretty damn good for a no show verse. I really enjoyed it, but at the same time it depressed the hell out of me, lol. I know it was supposed to be a happy ending but whatever. The rhymes were pretty weak, but i liked the flow of it. Overall, wasnt bad for a no show verse at all, but wasnt on nom's level.

    vote- nom
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  11. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Nom - When you're on your game your imagery, vocab, and scheme are up there with the best of us. This was definitely an example of this throughout nearly the entire verse although it tapered off a bit towards the end. You did however play well into your topic and it fit the tone of Camus quite well. I enjoyed this.

    Riot - This would be great, in a talent show for 13 year old kids who don't understand that you can have complex multi syllable rhymes. Also while I'm normally an advocate for shorter bar structure to allow a piece to move with better pace, this was not the case here and this read like a rather blah piece.
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  12. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

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    both pieces were pretty nice, although, nom's was far more "lyrical", but Riot's had some nice emotion to it, not bad, but, just not super, some of the rhymes were sort of simplistic, but, it still had a definitely catchable flow

    nom's was very on point with the imagery, the readablity of flow, even with some unorthodox rhyming, kept my attention, the end of the first verse and middle of the second were a little lacking, but great overall

    vote Nom
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  13. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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  14. Muti

    Muti I just write

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    Vote NOM

    Riot...I honestly thought your verse was very heartfelt. I would think that you would write something liek this based on the loss of your dog and turn it into a loss of a loved one. So either way its nice. I'm a man of belief in God so the take on going to heaven and living for eternity grabs me anytime I read a verse like that..So to me I thought your verse was good..yet it was a very simpel read..

    Nom... the story itself was decent but its obvious to see in plenty of place that you are avery polished writer. Your structure and rhymescheme are type one skill level..I'm sure you will be one of the favorites to last long in this tourney. I just hope I can feel your stories more in later rounds. still props on the skill level of the written piece
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  15. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Nommy - Good work with this topic. I knew you would select it. I really enjoyed this line

    "They thought I was aiming for the stars
    I was shooting for the drain"

    Still the rhymes and the flow were nice and i did enjoy the topic. I did want more than what you gave me, not sure about how but i still felt like it ended early. Good work Nomster


    Mk - This was a cool little no show verse but still it lacked enough to beat Nom. But you knew that so this is a bit overkill but still decent no show



    V/ Nom
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  16. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    BILLY:

    you can obviously rhyme in a multi-syllabic fashion however the AA/BB rhyme scheme isn't my favorite, the flow of your piece moved well though making it an easy read, but honestly it was just an easy read, your topic is cliched to the point i expected suicide, and not once did you mention the battle between having coffee or killing yourself aka living or dying in the way we're there was a difference in choice, it would've been better if you killed yourself with the hot cofee or something, i just wanted more, but this was an ok piece, your strong point was the rhyme and flow


    RIOT:

    first sorry about your dog, the fact you even wrote shows dedication, as for the poem, it was heartfelt but it was very abrupt and simplistic, the flow was well, and it was straight to the point, all in all for what your situation is this was an ok read


    OVERALL: while both pieces were emotional and dealt with death I have to go with my personal preference and that goes to Billy, just enjoyed slightly more, but this was very close
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  17. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    nom.
    glad you selected camus topic, and you executed it pretty well. i think you're just being a modest prick, or is it arrogance, when you claim that this was the shittest you've written in 3 years. fuck that shit. i liked it. but then again there's not much i don't like from your writings. your verse in its entirety fit well with the theme of albert. nicely done.

    riot.
    all that tough talk to come up with this shit, and you always have an excuse. but alas, you did very shit, even if it was a no show verse. you might think i'm grudging you, but i'm not. i just didn't like your verse, especially after all the talking you couldn't walk it off when it counted. you're facing nom, so why even post a no show verse? but having said that, atleast you showed unlike the inkwell, what a faggot that cunt is. i don't know if it was your story, but alot of people used the same love story theme, so it got pretty played out, and with your simple single rhyme schemes, it read like a dr. seuss book to me.

    my vote.
    nom chomsky.

    :numaan:
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  18. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    Nom wins 5 to -4
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