reposting one w/o a title

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by StubbilyMug, Oct 23, 2003.

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  1. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2003
    Messages:
    441
    This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
    There is cobwebs under here.

    They usually itch my eyes enough to
    keep me uncomfortable and awake.
    In the afternoon I'll wake-up
    and rub them into creamy goggles.
    My eyes are pasted shut to the aged world
    our parents created from the bed above me.

    It's lonely quiet out there out there,
    but somewhere broad away hones a drum buzz of
    unnecessary clatter.
    It is the simplist pattern
    and I'm grateful my parents' roots are not
    chains keeping me under here; under here.

    I'm so coldly.

    As I spiral on my stem, the revolverlution around the sides of the
    petals comes more than gorgeously to me.
    This is not a battle, but it is
    intricately abstract clockwork
    growing several billion
    growing hands for desperate measures.
    Their feet are in the mud.

    An arm is getting tired,
    but will never try so relentlessly
    on another scale
    to view askew the mountain's top.
    The field only physically retires a beauty;
    never forgetting parenthesis in its instant.
    The color from a wonderful mud is summoned.
    Mud is what repeats repeats.

    But don't be ignorant
    It is most defiantly something.



    ---------is actually just a slow prose piece--------
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
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    12,678
    hmmm...another interesting piece by u..your style is most def one of a kind and i like this..i couldnt really get into this piece..there ofcourse were lines that i liked but i couldnt find any sort of flow to this piece....and i was just completly confused at parts

    o

    and i'm not to good at titles myself but i usually try to name it something...the title of poems is often the reason i click on them in the realm...

    and I'm grateful my parents' roots are not
    chains keeping me under here

    nice..very creative stuff...

    i also didnt really like the bits of repetition in the piece...i didnt think it belonged

    keep dropin
    test
  3. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

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    word dude


    exactly..
    test
  4. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pretty decent piece here. I agree with lpoet it's a very interesting piece, mostly because of the way you put your words together, as well as in your other pieces. One thing i always say about poems with no titles. Is that maybe it's meant to be finished in the future sometime when you come across it again, that's what i often to with my untitled pieces. Maybe you should try sometime

    one luv
    test
  5. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

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    good call thanks
    test
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