[RD 1] 8. nom de plume. v. 9. Infinite Truth (VOTE NOW!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Quriosity, Jun 3, 2008.

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  1. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    test
  2. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

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    oh.
    it's you.
    test
  3. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

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    I’m chewing glass
    So I can build my dreams
    On the sand I collect

    Yesterday
    I saw you leaving
    You’d only ever
    Fall for demons
    Talk is cheap
    And you’re poor
    And you are seedless

    This dreams dressed in smoke rings and hurtful words
    A churlish curse turns love to hate on this turgid earth
    We went word for word and scream for scream
    I’m living in dreams, timid and weak, a needy teen
    I seethe and breathe light from these dark days
    Masked shame, I’d spill my guts in a harsh phrase
    And I can’t say that I don’t feel bad for what I did
    Every hate that I stored wrapped in a vapid kiss
    A rapid twist of fate, we were trapped as kids
    Passionless

    Yesterday
    I saw you from the window
    Shivering
    On the corner
    In your thin clothes

    Young lovers dressed in angel wings, the day we died
    We were just a by product of a faceless time
    A tasteless jibe, a shameful pride and baleful cry
    A painful lie
    But we still walked strong on a roads that’s broke
    They called it puppy love, a token joke
    That we took too seriously, I’m fearing it’s me
    Tearing at screams, clear as can be
    That it could’ve been, should’ve been, something its not
    Drunk in the dark, dumping my shots

    Yesterday
    I tried to remember
    Why we died
    On that fateful day
    Late
    In November

    It couldn’t be me, it couldn’t be me
    It couldn’t be me, it couldn’t be me
    It could’ve been something we worked out
    Now we’re distant, pissed off, burnt out
    Screaming at life for how we turned out
    We’ve learnt now that these twists and turns
    Now anytime that we kiss, it burns
    The poison we spit is something we can’t forget

    Yesterday
    I watched your tears dry
    Everything
    I had
    I lost
    To that clear
    Sky

    That miscarriage broke my heart, and your soul
    It’s never the same
    I’m starting to fold

    I’m sorry

    I’m sorry

    Forgive me

    Please.​


    topic : 'i'm sorry'
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  4. Infinite Truth

    Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks.

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    okay.
    here.

    i'll post in 3 hrs or so.

    votes here.
    test
  5. Infinite Truth

    Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks.

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    {“the painter, the poet, the guardian.”}

    smoke vapors rose
    over red roses for harvestin’,
    while the painter spoke
    of both the poet & guardian.
    his aesthetics echoed
    past cracked severed thresholds
    of pasts never let go,
    then through trashed restless ghettos.
    his canvas is colored
    in swift elegant motions…
    the spectrum of life, yes,
    it is mixed well in the potion.
    delicate strokes then,
    trembling,
    embellish emotion
    with love,
    lust,
    & the devil of hell- his commotion.
    developing intelligent notions
    of intellectual graffiti…
    he streaks streets
    discretely
    while he creeps deep.
    see…
    the painter is a purist,
    dropping polished politics
    upon the walls of boston-
    tagged with self-acknowledgments.

    ~~~

    he drifts through the silhouette
    trashed off carnival magic,
    while cinders of his cigarette
    turn to particle fragments
    that traffic
    like black magic
    through the night sky.
    & he’s inspired to aspire
    by stars afar in the twilight.
    bright lights
    skydive
    from an ecliptic moon
    missing truth,
    while them black clouds’ thickness grew.
    then,
    sunshine’s bleak transit leaks,
    transmitting hope,
    while he’s dancing on streets
    to the same anthems he wrote.
    he is a poet…
    in simple, a prophet of linguistics
    criss-crossin’ inner images
    often off-center, yet vivid.
    frequencies reverberate pride,
    & while smoke circles rise high
    he spoke verbalized cries-
    they frequently circulate skies.

    ~~~

    the guardian seeks the answers,
    watching over the city.
    broken, empty, & missing,
    quickly
    then he’s spun dizzy.
    driven to redemption
    he be steady running rushed.
    still, he knows inside
    that his penny’s luck is up.
    his cig smoke pollutes puddles
    like acid raindrops
    with unspoken truths juggled
    & castaway thoughts
    that portray lost souls
    as cursive constellations.
    he’s lured by contemplation
    that sure is complicatin’.
    & he says…
    …forever move in evolution,
    for love is the execution
    of a revolution.
    & he says…
    …forever move in evolution,
    for love is the execution
    of a revolution.

    ~~~

    & so they search for the salvation
    that the savior brings.
    & they’re all in relation
    through the art of love the paper sings.
    the painter thinks.
    the poet breathes.
    the guardian’s truths unfold…
    you see,
    the painter, poet, & guardian,
    are my mind, my body & soul.





    topics:

    -Painting is silent poetry, and poetry is painting that speaks.
    Plutarch
    -Poetry in Motion
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  6. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    nom - i dug this after about two and half reads, but i still dug this very much, the vibe felt when reading your words is different than any other and i appreciate that aspect to just about anything that you write, it also makes it hard to match you up against someone though which is tough when voting, the flow was good and the rhythm was slow paced, meaningful, and poetic in execution, the content was concise and carefully chosen and the way in which you portray plots is creative within itself although the overall concept here is nothing new, overall this was deep with a deep choice of words and flow to match and the entirety of this was strung together nicely, the ending was good as well and i could never write something like this because you are very distinct in writing form and if you havent accomplished anything other than that, then i would say you are an accomplished writer

    it - much of the same fits you as well although in your past you were less unconventional in your approach but you have found a niche per se' in your writing form and it turly fits your character and the way you portray plots to your audience, though arguably similar in execution i think that your style is totally different than nom and the rest of the entire league, your flow is more fluidic and fan favored than nom's which in comparison gives you the slight edge between the two but this is where i say its hard to vote for nom against other writers, your story in itself here was more fulfilling in my opinion as an actual story and a story used for competition, nom's piece could easily be a great open mic but against competition it just seems to fall short mechanically and the story itself was very short in length and brief in execution which makes it hard to even compare the stories, here i think i still enjoyed your story more though and the flow was nicely done with a good ending and meaning behind your words, at times it did seem as though the verse was long or wouldn't end but the end came at a good time with good meaning behind it

    vote - infinite truth, just a more fulfilling verse, longer in length with a more significant and creative meaning, also a better flow and overall the better read here, but nom's was still dope
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  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    nom - this read like at least 3 or 4 of your pieces that you did last season...that turmoiled relationship ending in some kind of poetic death, demise, misscarriage...etc...aside from that I feel like this piece read pretty well, but didn't really offer me much at all or anything fresh as a reader.

    it - i really like the way you built this up and I like what you did with the short bar structure...i think the piece was intricate enough to offer me something that made me think a bit, while just being written with really good mechanics.

    vote = IT for providing me something fresher and more of the total package.
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  8. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    nom - I was feeling this .. very poetic in approach as usual and a big reason I'm a fan of your writing .. the style is pretty unique (especially within current competition) and this piece is possibly one of my favourites from your collection this season .. top 5 of that collection definitely .. it was moody and gripping and I really enjoyed how you set about the structure .. however .. there were faults to pick at when it comes to breaking it down for a vote .. like that "it couldn't be me" line repeating .. it fitted in but also didn't really need to be there beyond further portraying the sorrow .. I feel actual content in those lines would have been more in your favour considering it's a battle .. overall though I liked this verse ..

    IT - I'm getting bored of saying how unique both you and alias2 are in your writing .. but it is just so evident .. once again your wording shines through as you guided me through your verse with so little effort on my part .. nothing felt forced or placed in just to add some fancy descriptive wording .. the content was enjoyable to read and I feel you elevated your presentation here over the last few weeks .. and I think that was thanks to who your opponent is .. really nice verse man ..

    Vote = Infinite Truth .. so many battles this week are incredibly close .. and this was no exception .. you both deliver pieces with a poetic edge utilising great wording choices .. in this case however .. I feel IT made his choices with more impact and takes this one for a slightly more polished piece overall .. I think this will be a whitewash which is a shame as it would seem harsh considering how well nom de plume wrote here ..
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  9. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    Here we go.

    nom - I'm going to be honest, you're my boy and all, but I haven't read anything by you since that Alcatraz piece you did, and this really surprised me. Flow was spot on and the short lines are definitely something I'm a fan of, but what impressed me the most was the choice of words and how it seemed like each one was so deliberately chosen. Content was alright, probably only downside, but still a very enjoyable read.

    IT - Such a complementing piece next to nom's, made for two great verses and a very nice battle to read. Once again, love the short bars, word choice, rhyming and flow, with the ending/topic tie-in being a more creative approach than nom's.

    Vote = IT. I loved both these verses and should probably start reading more in the RSTL.
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  10. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

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    ndp

    quality verse here my man, a consistantly high level of wording with good writing mechanics (there were an instance or two were the structure confused me, otherwise this piece synched up pretty well with the instrumental i was reading it to). very poetically crafted lines, overall a dope reading experience here.

    it

    wonderful imagery, your style is very visual and speaks to me. this piece had great mechanics, very natural and comes off the tongue with ease. very carfeully worded and crafted lines, this piece also had that poetic quality that ndp had.

    vote: Infinite Truth

    slightly sharper, more visually outstanding.. even though i should say that there is very little separating these 2 pieces in my view

    great match
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  11. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

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    match of the week

    alias-

    we both know im a fan and u didnt disappoint. all ur verses make me think like the person is in pain. emotions running wild. vocab is always on point and im glad ppl dont hate on ur poetic approach. never switch up. the closer is basically the only thing i had problems with but definitely a great read. overall 8/10

    IT

    you becoming 1 of my favs as well. ur vocab is top notch and the way u play with them is better than the painter described in this verse( even if it is u lol). i have nothing wrong 2 say with this. it was well written and a pleasure to read. im curious to see wat u can do next.u will go far in this tourny. overall 9/10

    v - IT

    again great match
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  12. Avirex

    Avirex New Member

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    I'm not going to break this down with the grade report, because im lazy right now, but having read the verses a couple times yesterday an coming back to them I still feel the same way about the match, and that is that Infinite truth took it. He did so, by having a slightly better rhyme scheme and the word usage watch a notch about noms in my opinion... then there is the whole concept of mind body soul being painter poet an gaurdian that just made the piece really spiritual... Nom has a really nice drop as well, but i think he came up short in not writing a lengthy piece.. an I thought since you did write a shorter one that truth would not write a bunch like he did an try to match it, but being that he did there was just more to work with in truths piece. both cool verses none the less.

    vote truth
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  13. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

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  14. Infinite Truth

    Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks.

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  15. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    This battle is definitely closer than the vote count makes it appear, but i also have to go with IT. i thought that both of these pieces were pretty close when it came to mechanics. both flowed and rhymed pretty damn well. also, the wording in both of these pieces were pretty pretty damn good. Since mechanics were pretty much the same i have to turn to content, and i feel IT took it in that department. the metaphors used throughout the piece were nice and i just really was feeling the whole concept behind his piece.

    VOTE= IT
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  16. vada

    vada New Member

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    nom...

    short and sweet, very nice poetic vibe, flowed smooth, ending wasn't jaw dropping but moving, i liked the imagery, internal rhyme, and nothing seemed forced, i know i'm being repitious but the whole thing moved along smooth and i can say i was satisfied at the end, it reminded me of a quick nut....lol...i'm drunk dont mind me


    IT....

    wow, that was hot actually...i loved the flow, the poetic vibe was also there like nom's but it just felt more vibrant, more full, just better....lol...hate to be blunt....the ending did it for me didn't see it coming and it fit well especially considering the topic used, this was a great piece of work, my favorite of the week, longer and more satisfying...

    overall...

    so yea IT won this, sucks for NOM cause his verse would've beat half of the other verses i read this week, it was just kind of short, so we had a quick fuck compared to a long night of love making...i take the long night of love making, all though a quick nut is also good but in this circumstance IT gets this one...props to you both though
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  17. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    Nom:
    Hell short dude.. I'm liken the three line intro as usual, pretty sweet.. I think flow was awkward sometimes but other times butter.. As far as story goes ehh not too original but it's really one of those subjects that never dies - its just what you can do with it.. I think you portrayed a half decent story with it but a lil too straight forward..


    IT:
    Fuck magnificent, tight ass flow sweet/ emotional vocab.. nice diction with a well developed metaphor.. I think the overall topic choice was cleverly melded together within the final line, not given anything away through out.. All in all a well structured piece with hot wording..

    vote = Infinite Truth

    for a better structured n overall stronger verse.. pz
    test
  18. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    it advances, 9-0
    it posts all links
    nom fails to post 2 lnks
    ck's vote is deemed late
    it still advances, 8-(-4)
    test
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