[RANKS] Week 51 Ranks and Lounge

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Aug 15, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    [​IMG]

    Champ
    C. Coup d’etat(5-0)
    2. Cereal_Killer(2-0)

    Contender
    3. Vern Acular(2-0)
    4. Shadow Warriorfs(32-17)

    5. Resilient(2-1)
    6. Fairydance2000(1-0)

    7. Cigma(3-1)
    8. PerfectoUnoJr(1-1)

    9. Riot(0-1)
    10. Oatmeal(0-0)



    1. ShadowWarriorfs(6-3)
    2. Coup d’etat(5-0)
    3. T.a.C(5-4)
    4. Got Life?(4-2)
    5. IAmBent(4-5)
    6. Cigma(3-1)
    7. Fairydance2000(2-0)
    8. Cereal_Killer(2-0)
    9. Vern Acular(2-0)
    10. The Inkwell(2-5)
    11. Resilient(2-1)
    12. PerfectoUno(1-1)
    13. nom is dull.(1-3)
    14. callmemOta(1-3)
    15. Obsent Hope(1-4)
    16. Lyricalpriest(1-6)
    17. Nu’maaN(0-1)
    18. Mrjdm998(0-1)
    19. the omega man(0-1)
    20. FireProof(0-1)
    21. Ikon(0-1)
    22. Racecar(0-2)
    23. KonviKt(0-2)
    24. K-Ryss(0-2)
    25. Kuja(0-2)
    26. The Illiterate(0-2)
    27. MC4Sight(0-2)
    28. Murderous Keys(0-3)
    29. Benigno(0-6)

    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    1st


    Ck I won't no show you this time. I pray I can get past you. David vs. Goliath.

    Great match cig, I'm lucky to get past ya the way I did...phew.
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  3. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    Congrats on the win, champ. I'll be back in 2 weeks.


    So this uncle comes home empty handed like he always does for a quick meal, and leaves unexpectedly with some soul food for life. And with that food he can prepare a feast in his heart for everyone. Using a trip to Disneyland and it's affect on his sister and niece as the vehicle for his wakeup call, reminding him that inside him lives the creator... Walt Disney in Mickey and he holds the brush to paint life.

    It's ironic you were talking about honoring God in your verse before the battle, and you wrote about a dead city.
    I was feeling your writing and angle on Detriot but commentary without a solution doesn't do it for me anymore.
    And I'm wise to how poets can take advantage of language to seem prolific.

    Interestingly enough I had a friend come home from the Army who had been living in Detriot the past 3 years. He was telling me about it a month ago while we caught up at Jack in the Box... Coup is your real name Chuck!??
    Also read a magazine a while back at my folks house with the Mayor of Detroit on the cover talking about his plans to bring the city back.


    Regardless of the outcome I'm proud of these bars.

    The infant that's been innocently lifting spirits since her inception,
    Is now three, dawdling on her mom's knee, in her PJ's,
    happily watching Disney Princesses parade scenes on youtube,
    mouth formed in an Ooh shape, face flushed exclaiming at the floats,
    screaming "SLEEPING BEAUTY!" pupils provoked like a hooting owl.

    "Oh you know we're going to Orlando Friday with Mondo..."
    Emerging from the kitchen mouth full but I nod that I'm listening.
    But she misses it already slipping back into wonderment,
    Leaving me invisible pondering their mutual beautiful,
    Glistening excitement faces saintly making me hate me…
    Matching chubby cheeks it seems my sisters still a baby,
    she's reacting to the action on the Apple excitedly exactly,
    the same as Kaylee, chatting gayly with her daughter.

    "Really mommy Captain Hooks a people!!?"
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  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Cigma, it simply is a fallen world. Writing about Detroit is not out of character for a God fearing Christian by any means. Truth is, God might be judging America now since our leaders and it's people have long since abandoned his word. Our country was founded on complete Christian fundamentals into a Constitutional Republic. Thus we were blessed with prosperity. Now, we are a democracy on the road to fascism with a majority running away from God. It's has been a slow transition to our demise. It will happen...it is happening.

    If we turn to God as a nation, he will restore us...He is and will remain always in control.


    Moreover I agree, there were a lot of things in my verse that weren't cutting it. That's why I was shocked to have won. It was put together in haste, and I think your idea that a solution being needed is a great idea. I did not think to offer one...But the only solution is God anyhow, and if I were to put that in there I would have lost because some here are Godless (woe unto them).. Though I boldly proclaim God.



    Now I get to comment on your verse:

    It had it's moments of greatness, like the passages from above that you quoted from it. But overall the grammar was really bloody and butchered. You need to use commas, periods and English rules. As it stood for me, a lot of areas were fragmented sentences. I can point all this out if need be. Depends on your reaction.

    Also the rhyme scheme was very subtle and difficult and hard to spot. Because of the grammar mentioned above and because a great lack of end rhymes, or any strong inner rhymes, which are normally used to glue a pattern down. I felt they were absent almost all together and when I read it I was thought to myself that your written did not rhyme at all...though it's obvious it did in some places

    But still, it's not like my verse was super either.


    oh, Detroit will never come back. It is done. America is past it's glory days. We are on the ride down into complete break down, bet.


    My name is Edward.

    Peace.
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  5. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    coup lets drop early this week and try and get the ball rolling for the tourny..
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  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Good luck Vern....I won't hold it against ya if u no show me :-D



    anyways

    [​IMG]
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  7. nom is dull.

    nom is dull. but shines up pretty.

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    woud i get a higher seeding if i signed in as bily nomates. which is like 7-1 or something.
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  8. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    wouldnt matter. its all about your record from week 42 to 52
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  9. nom is dull.

    nom is dull. but shines up pretty.

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    oh yeah. forgot about that. oh well, irrelevant anyway. when i win the shirts wouldn't be shipped to england anyway.
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  10. nom is dull.

    nom is dull. but shines up pretty.

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    i mean 'if'.
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  11. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

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    To that I would say you had more clear one liners.

    It would be cool if I could read my verses out loud to ya'll. It flows so proper.
    I try not to use commas and let the natural progression of the sound make breaks for instance

    she's reacting to the action on the Apple excitedly exactly,
    the same as Kaylee, chatting gayly with her daughter.


    There is a natural pause after reaction, action, apple, exactly. And the end of excitedly carries wave-like into exactly.

    It's pretty cool if you study the nature of word rhythms.

    To me anyway, but going forward I guess I will add more commas even though I think they're a crutch and people overuse them.

    Funny thing is I was an English major and desktop publishing, and people are getting on me for grammar lol.

    This is writing in a rap format!!!
    Really people pay too much attention to grammar and for our verses it has little to do with magnitude of content.

    For real you gonna count commas and periods when people are coming with schemes and wordplay and messages and metaphors and imagery, etc..

    I understand its necessary for clarity but use punctation sparingly. And no way at all is it a category that should be counted significantly in the overall calibre of a verse.

    People need to approach a verse looking for reasons to like it, as opposed to finding fault, I guarantee everyone will benefit with that mindset.

    I am building bridges trying too lol, but some people want to be carried across them..

    And although understand the urge for end rhymes, that's so elementary.
    I do a lot of inner bar rhyming, bar to bar rhyming, and then stanza transitional rhyming. My slant rhyme game is amazing as is my r-apid fire sound repetition.

    To me that should actually Add points to a verse, rather than detract from it.
    Really you want to 'say it's hard to read.'

    Well I say learn to read better too.

    It's cool though, for those that people see what I'm doing it probably hypes them up, and I know what I'm doing too and it makes me feel good to be able to write like that.

    -exhale-

    -smile-

    I do listen to ya'lls critiques and it makes me mindful,
    but never again will I diminish myself. Did enough of that as a young man to last a lifetime.

    And just because we write for an audience doesn't mean we shouldn't challenge them either.
    Please don't consider this sour grapes, more so, an invitation for dialogue and communion.

    peace time go make sushi.


    ps. Hi Edward, my name is Jeffrey
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  12. nom is dull.

    nom is dull. but shines up pretty.

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    on the end rhyme thing. for me it's a lot about presenting in this format, knowing that people aren't going to know how i would actually flow it out loud. and if i'm trying to get my thoughts across clearly, which is rare, i need to know that i'm not going to be penalised because it doesn't obviously read as rhyming to someone else. i'm all for challenging the reader but i think when you're writing within a set structure or formula like this then you need to push the formula from within the box. at least that's how i see it anyway. but then i'm content with coming up with interesting slant rhymes and not much more. but to each their own.

    also i did lol at the comma / punctuation thing because i'm a complete bastard for going over the top with it. but a lot of the time it's for the visual look of the piece, and changing up the meanings and flow within the lines. depends on the verse.

    you know what, i've basically said nothing. fuck. i'm not very good in these discussions as i've never been around anyone that writes nor done any classes so i've never got into this kind've discussions. so my apologies if my arguments come across a bit scatty and ill thought out.
    test
  13. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    1. Ribs thin saliva laden lips lick a slight grin,
    2. Field trips to folks crib uninvited Generally aren't those intimate,
    3. And I watch her nodding her head telling me yes stressed,
    4. Earlier so alive now looks like she wants to cry I made a mess,
    5. It's a start I've been a knuckle head too long time to go to work...
    6. Ruefully I see what I teach she learns shapes the view of her world.


    Here's the thing. Just because you think you write in a "natural progression" does not mean anything at all. It's your opinion of your writing. That is not important. What is important is what your peers think. Unless you only write for yourself every time, which is not the case because you are in this league.


    she's reacting to the action on the Apple excitedly exactly,
    the same as Kaylee, chatting gayly with her daughter.


    I agree there are natural pauses, this is not new to anyone here, you are not the sole bearer of this knowledge. Point is, it does not flow well at all. Yes it has rhymes but there is no flow for me. That is my criticism. Exactly does not rhyme with daughter and if you would have rhymed with exactly, your bar would have been dope.


    It's pretty cool if you study the nature of word rhythms.

    You assume I don't. How would you know ? I've faced you three times and you never beat me. I think it's safe to say I study somethings just a little.

    I don't count commas or grammar at all. If a verse truly stands on it's own and flows well, communicates clear, and hit's with imagoes I am OK. If I do not like a verse, I simply do not like it. If I find nothing I like, I will say so. If I love it, I will say so.


    People need to approach a verse looking for reasons to like it, as opposed to finding fault, I guarantee everyone will benefit with that mindset.


    You should hold yourself to this. You only found reasons to hate my Dr. Seuss verse. I could go into this if need be.


    And although understand the urge for end rhymes, that's so elementary.
    I do a lot of inner bar rhyming, bar to bar rhyming, and then stanza transitional rhyming. My slant rhyme game is amazing as is my r-apid fire sound repetition.


    Again, you assume that if you end rhyme you will sound elementary. Do it with skill then. I did not think you slant rhyme game was amazing in any sort of ***** fire way. Your written to me was hardly a flow. End rhymes would have helped. End rhyming is not elementary, it's all on how you do it, as with any time of writing.


    The point is, it means nothing if you like your writing at all, in any circumstance. What I think of myself is subjective. Does not matter.
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  14. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I'll try to get done as soon as possible. Not going to do a rush job though. Tourney is in 2 weeks anyhow...ball is rolling
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  15. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    i'm having knee surgery thursday so my verses shall be under heavy sedation of vicodin.

    you guys are in for a treat.

    unless I just recycle some gems.

    side note: who thinks I could win this year's tourney using the verses I used from last year's tourney?
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  16. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I think you have a good chance not recycling...so what's it matter ?
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  17. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    an atheist can't find God just like a thief can't find the police.
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  18. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    but recycling is so much fun.
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  19. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    It may be fun but it shows an incredible lack of respect for your fellow peers in this league, some of whom you call friends...
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  20. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    its possible if you dont get caught.
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