Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Dec 27, 2010.
posted my verse....too busy to really finish it the way i wanted too but still cool i think
cool bro! i will work on my verse asap! i haven't read yours but i probably will but im sure this week will be a challenge for me!
what we'll do is combine this week with next week. have verses due friday, votes monday, like usual. but tomorrow ill throw in the sign ins from this week
How fucked up this extension is ? Niggas that take this shit serious get their verses up no matter how rushed; we do it. The lazy fucks that procrastinate and take shit to a lazy level get the week extension. ha ha, that is weak as fuck.
Who mods this shit?
We could just keep progressing...the people that posted verses get voted on and blah and the ones that didn't just take losses...no no show penalty but atleast things keep moving...we should have given a more advanced notice to make an extension of this magnitude not to mention we aren't even sure the people who didn't show will with an extra week. just progress and keep the no shows signed in
this is fucked up...i finally write a good verse and wont get no feedback cuz gay fucker didn't compete
You'll get feedback Man....i'm starting my rounds of votes
Alright. But I'm matching the no shows up
sounds good and fair ;-)
well.. ima write something real fast if that's ok..
give me time to vote after wards too..
sorry for the delay, but unlike coup, some nigga's gotta organize parties and event's for more than just 10-20 people.. my wife is sudanese and the community is pretty tight, and big.. been partying like a ma fucka too.. i'll post pics later..
dropped... quick key pimps..
nice vs btw shad..
thanx for the vote omega.. but i don't think you understood my verse that much bc you said that. these people avoid aknowledging the dead until the day of los meurtos and yet i thought i emphasized on the fact that the memories remain.. i just put those memories in a more sacred place locked deep in their hearts and minds.
Ancient Ages of our ancestor's Remain in our heart's and minds
although we're apart we find, a mean's to bring us together
in thought divine..
We remember the error's and trials, of our forefather's fair, for survival.
we take our distant relatives life's and manifest them into our guide
as we stride to provide our children with the thing's we so pride!
so many of our family have died so we tried to coincide with the
recollection kept locked deep down insid
evidence of the memories not being ignored or forgotton. but hey.. thanks.. i didn't think it was a ramble and i obviously flowed. but you didn't agree, and so next week i need to put more effort into constructing a better piece of art.
i also felt that the story started in a place of explaining past and present connection. it peered into one aspect of the narrator "miguels" view on a special holiday he remembers and i left out the intriguing facts that he was already dead, i felt that i told the story in the past jumping to the present then back to the passed and back to the present sorta to create more suspense and more stuff going on but i guess it didn't work out that way..
How many boys do you know with the name Sarah btw? and it seems like it was written by a middle school because that was the intent
i thought that it was clear to me, that narrator in your verse was supposed to be a child.
I guess next time i won't use that concept
i assumed the narrator was a grown up reminiscing when he was a child....regardless why would u chose to write like a child? that makes no sense...that's just a cop out....i don't know if I called the child a boy or a girl I probably just said it in a general term because I never really thought or cared to think of whether or not the child was male or female because it really showed no relevance in my eyes...
Sorry, LP, for not grasping your concept fully as I should have...but I still believe you had no flow or structure...if u did then a reader would not be able to follow it...maybe structure it so that the reader can follow it better...i'm sure it flows good for you because you know exactly how to pause and where to put emphasis but as a reader i have no idea unless you tell me....I struggle with that also....I'm sure it sounds good as a spoken verse but as a read it is rambling....
now give me some horribly brutal honesty on my verse please....
oh btw, Danny muh'fuggin C is replacing NG
Separate names with a comma.