Random Shit I Just Typed Up

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by SickPup, May 23, 2013.

  1. SickPup

    SickPup Pup

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    67
    IllMut leave victims decapitated, You faggots basic.
    Talkin that tuff shit will get you emasculated.
    I'm pure testosterone, you fabricated, so tone down.
    Bitch get thrown round, by the lyrics, ventriloquists of the spirits.
    3 digits 666, mark of the beast.
    will be unleashed, Through this sick pup till your all deceased.
    On you weak ass MCs I feast, rest in pain never in peace.
    I kick back and laugh as the flow increase.
    Never the least does my shit lack.
    Got bars out the ass, like I've been drinkin nuthin but similac.
    Spit ick till my jaw brake and the joints detach.
    test
  2. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    You need some work.

    Work on your flow a little. You need to have a good sense of grammar in order to come up with lines that actually make sense. Most of your verse was run on sentence that did not flow smoothly when rapped. Next, work on vocabulary. The words you choose can influence who is going to like and not like what you write/rap. And your spelling mistakes were hard to pass by without cringing. The best part of your verse was the first 2 lines. They sounded OK. Then you fell off. If you can maintain that flow with that subtle multi use. The verse would be better. Not good whatsoever, but better. You write like someone who posts consistently on this board. But I'll give you the benefit of a doubt and post and honest critique because that's what I do.

    So again

    Flow. Content. Structure. Work on that stuff
    test
  3. SickPup

    SickPup Pup

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    67
    Thanks bro for your honest opinion.
    test
  4. itzjoe54

    itzjoe54 New Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    try streching out your sentences a little bit , your flow is a litttle bit sketchy
    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    not bad, but not great...this is coming from a humble person so don't trip.

    I agree with Reslient to a degree. You gotta keep in mind your reading audience is pretty savvy and smart and may be insulted at your presentation.
    test
  6. ReasonableSHOTZ

    ReasonableSHOTZ Passenger Side Gunna

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2013
    Messages:
    180
    if you think im gona waste my time reading a verse someone didnt even care to title properly and presents as "Random Shit I Just Typed Up" you are out of your motherfuckin mind. Next.
    test
  7. Malawi Dawi

    Malawi Dawi New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    Not bad bro, def need to organize your thoughts a lil better..I can tell random thoughts were coming from all directions.
    test

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