ramblings

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Shiftee, Jun 1, 2003.

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  1. Shiftee

    Shiftee I SHOT YA

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2002
    Messages:
    172
    beautiful people loved, ugly on the inside
    less fortunate shunned, their real selves hide
    from society
    conditioned to drool over materialism
    forget about that which is real
    everyone just for themself
    quick to dish a raw deal
    aslong as they benefit
    regardless of what your friendship is
    cant stay true
    should never begin at all
    cause id rather have nothing
    than to take a big fall
    and break my heart
    blaming myself for trusting you from the start
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    defenitally seems like rambling......lol

    but that not a bad thing....this was an ok piece

    flow was cool.....but nothing really stood out for me
    test
  3. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Rambling thoughts, basically. Just like lpoet had said, all that was alright was your flow and the voice, as well as deliverance needs much work. As for any of your other aspects, they need work as well. Basically what I left in my feed for your other piece, I thought the other one was a bit better, because this was just nonsense (not bad, but rambling wise... That nonsense). Decent, family. My blessings..
    test
  4. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    Rambling is good because just when we think we're just talkin shit just to vent and blow off steam, we actually have something to say.
    test
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