Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Flow-Joe, Jan 1, 2008.
how long have you and her been together
I don't know how ya' girl is but personally thats bogus. Does she claim to love you at all. From the outside looking in she seems kinda dissrespectful. You have every right to be jealous if you are or not. Thats human. Seeing that you asked her and she just kinda blew you off, wow. Thats crazy. Something isn't right with that. I mean I think you're being reasonable by saying "just not while I'm around" thats middle ground right there. I know I wouldn't watch my dude dancing with another female while I was there....
Maybe I should just read all responses before I respond but I can't. I am the girl he is referring to. I said from the git go my fam and I are a cuddly fun bunch. We are a crew of poets/emcees/artists. We love each other and we have loads of fun. I told Flow that when he rolls with me I'm gonna get hugs and attention, and I told him I loooove to dance. I'll dance with girls and guys. Its fun, its a stress relief, its therapy. EVERYBODY there knows Flow is MY DUDE. I don't grind on men I don't throw the ass.... Unless its like reggae and even then its not so sensual.
I told him I'd minimize it and do it less and then I asked him to just not come to this particular spot. Its an open mic and for 45 minutes in the night we dance. ONLY 45 minutes.
Joe don't perp like this is the only issue we got. I love people and I have an outgoing personality. These dudes I usually dance with I've known for years and you wanna just be like NOOOO you can't do it. Whatever. I've been in relationships with dudes before and I danced with dudes and he danced with broads. I know I aint worried about it. We are togather the whole NIGHT so why would I worry.
I am compromising but you want me to just stop. This is the only venue I go to to dance and you are trying to take it away. ME THINKS NOT. Its not fair.
And you also know that you are a controlling person and I am not on that. All I wanna do is dance with my friends and I gotta stop. You should know how much I care for you. How about you stop playing the Madden I bought you while I'm at home. How about you only where black and brown when we go out. How about you get me a minimum of 2 amaretto sours when we go out. DO IT DAMMIT!
I don't try to control you, don't try to control me. I have tried to compromise. There are like 4 nights of poetry we could go to and only 1 has dancing. i'd appreciatte you allow my 29 year old grown ass to dance.
Ohhh...it's starting to kick in now. MissKey!
Girl you already know. LOL
I'm a flirt but I show my man the ultimate love. I'm trying my best not to get to real in this thread.
thats my shit right there....
get counseling... not from rm
We don't even need to go there. I'm trying to tell you...lol
You really need to stop spreading business on the WEB. And you're still denying the issue. When I'm there don't do it cuz I don't like it. And I say I won't go that often. You're getting past that. Just think about that shit for a while!
we're -->here<-- on this one. Dude sounds a ittle controlling/jealous to me.
"I don't like it, therefore you shouldn't do it when I'm around"?
Where's the compromise?
I'm the exact opposite - don't do anything in my absence that you wouldn't do when I'm around. Be yourself at ALL times. Keep it real. Don't act all coy and subdued when I'm around, then let me here about how you be wildin the hell out when I'm not there.
When I'm out with my man, we are both free to dance with other people. We're eachothers mates, not parole officers.... we want the other to enjoy his/herself. We just know the boundaries... no bumping and grinding. And that goes for when the other person is not around, as well. If it's a "respect" factor - you need to respect me at ALL times... it's not cool to disrecpect just because I can't see it.
I understand what you're saying. But you and your dude both feel the same way. I don't. That's why I ask not to see it. I know there's nothing wrong with it, but I can't change how I feel when I see it. That's why I say I don't wanna be around it. That's why I say I won't be around that much if you're doing it. But if I do happen to come around, just don't do it during those time. I don't think that's asking for much.
Thanks for reopening....
Damn... I hadn't even read this part yet, and I said the same thing.
I told a guy I was dating the same thing not so long ago... the reason I have not responded to his advances as favorably as he would like is because I see he has some serious insecurity/controlling issues... and tight don't "do" controlling.
We're not even together yet (nor will we ever be, because of this VERY reason) and he tells me the things I wouldn't/couldn't be doing "if I was his girl". Pushing cats out the way who talk to me when he is around, sulking/complaining when [he thinks] another man shows me attention, questioning me about where I go and with whom, copping attitudes when we're on the phone and he can hear people talking in the background on my end and realizes that I am hanging with friends.
And HE AIN'T EVEN MY MAN. Could you imagine how it would be if he was?!?!
Hell to the naw.
Yes, you can change how you feel about it... if you choose to. And the fact that you admit to knowing that she is not doing anything wrong, is all the more reason you should stop being so selfish and controlling.
Because YOU are the one with the problem here, you should just not go to these events, rather than selfishly asking her to stop doing something she enjoys, that you admit is not "wrong" in the first place.
She says I'm controlling, but I don't think that I am. I never do any of the things that you just put up there. But in relationships there are things (some things) that you will absolutely not put up with. This is the only one of those things that I have said. But we are getting off topic. I don't want this thread to be about our relationship, just this one particular issue.
No, I said that I wouldn't go as much. But if it was a once in a while thing, I don't think it's asking for much that she not do it. I like to go to this place too. I can't change how I feel about it. I know I don't like it. I've tried dealing with it. It's not a new issue. I've seen it for a while, just never brought it up cuz I thought I would be overreacting. But after realizing that I wasn't wrong to feel the way I felt, I brought it up. And here we are now...
I hear you, but you really do sound unreasonable and controlling. You have no logical reason why this woman should not enjoy herself the way she is accustomed to and comfortable with, when you are around, other than the fact that you simply don't like it.
If it is something you can absolutely not tolerate, and she is unwilling to bend on the issue - maybe you need to find someone with a more compatible outlook on the situation, rather than trying to change your current GF.
I don't think I am. I think that since you and your man don't have this issue, so since you both feel the same way you think I'm being unreasonable. No two people are 100% compatible. There are always issues. They either find a middle ground or one or the other changes how they feel. I think I'm doing that to a degree. This is a place we go to every week and have a good time. But that time where she dances with other dudes eats me up inside. I just won't go that much. And when I do go she could dance with me or her female friends when I'm around or something like that. She thinks its cool to dance with other dudes if I'm around and I don't. I have no desire to dance with other females. I understand how she feels because I feel the exact opposite (does that make sense). All I'm asking for is a simple bend, that she's not willing to make and I am.
I hear ya. Do what you have to do, man.
To add to it, there are certain things that we do when our S.O. is around whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. If you're at a bar, you may let a guy buy you a drink or choose to be flirty with them. Or if a guy is at a bar, he may do the exact opposite. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn't go any further. But if your boyfriend/girlfriend happens to be there, you won't do that. It's just a simple change in behavior to not make your S.O. upset or feel disrespected. That's how I feel about this.
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