Prove Yourself

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Coup d'état, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    Had posted this in poetry by ignorance...figure this would serve better here.

    @the omega man



    [Intro -spoken word]
    Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
    To learn everything YAH ever allowed, one truth
    Would you humble down, and serve him only ?
    Yo

    [verse 1]
    YAH's Laws are hardy, aren't hard, cause' our tardy
    There's conflict on our hearts already, all-beat petty
    Lip service, in the churches just flaws and envy
    To rob moms, but they keep on professing
    What YAH spoke aloud, His scroll clouds those so proud!
    They loosen His clout, but the terms don't come out
    They envokin' dolls? Everybody's strokin' Baal
    They mock some now, climb up lower, down!
    Snap back to humility -oh there goes blasphemy
    Oh-there goes Sabbath, we joked
    We so mad, but we don't
    give up that weekly nope, we don't grasp it
    behold, his soul snaps to seize hopes
    She won't answer, they joke
    YAH knows that, but we broke
    Peoples pageant, be lows
    When we grow back to His noble road, that's when it's
    Back to the map again yo, His whole strategy
    We better go answer this omen and hope it won't examine

    [hook]
    We better prove our self to YAHUWAH, Him only
    We know it, you better never let it slow
    You only got one lot, do not miss our chance to grow
    This opportunity runs rungs in a lifetime

    [verse 2]
    Our soul's awaking through His pull that is staging
    This world is YAH's for the shaking
    Take knee kings, YAHSHUA's sword a new whirled boarder
    A worldly life is snoring; YAHUWAH's horsemen
    Close to told them, they slowly wove armor
    Phonies sow dollars, we grow, they all colder
    Thieves go in all rotten, posed to host woes
    Be known as the gold joker
    Moldy roads, YAH only knows
    The Lone father's son shown, we know proper
    Our foes stone and rarely shows his own slaughter
    But hold your loathe cause here goes the Yolked Solver
    These toads don't want Him OH WOE, be bold conduct
    They seduced on to the next Joe who's froze
    We know those and pulled dogma, so the Pope Allah
    Is told, it unloads, I oppose the cajoled, martyr
    But the deceit shows con : da-da-dum da-dum

    [hook]

    [verse 3]
    No more shame, I'mma engage what you call age
    Tear this brother judging Zeus off like truth box staged
    I was prayin' in the sin sinning, the rude all changed
    I've been wooed up and tripped out and fooled off page
    But I wept fighting and accept light in the best designer
    Best believe everybody's obeying the denied writer
    All the rain implied terrified by the
    Fact that YAH's hand set high with eyes alive to
    Lies that we can't survive the night fight of
    Strife for lies randomly, cause man, these hot scams
    Skewed facts don't dry brighter, and there's no beauty
    There's no July Caesar, this is high strife
    And these times are so hot, and it's sitting even hotter
    Tryin' to leave and honor my believe trust, teacher-father
    Caught up between being a martyr and an Americana
    Baby Obama mantra, scheming on Hebrews and too much for me to wanna
    Obey in some slot, another scam or not
    Has sodden me to the point, I'm like a fail I've got
    To calculate a stop, or rend up in wail or rot
    Israel is my only brother running doctrine, Gentile's not
    YAH I love you but this stranger gots to know
    I cannot grow soul in Pagan's plot
    So here I go it's my trot. Abba I will fail you not
    YAHUWAH is THEE only opportunity that we got

    [Hook]

    [Outro -spoken word]
    test
  2. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    205
    Given the forum is dead, it'd probably be worth replying to others before posting your own. Purely so they return the favour and we can generate some sort of activity in here.

    I can see you've responded to Bagglad but he never leaves any feedback for anyone, so it's pretty pointless that we even acknowledge his existence as a living organism.
    test
  3. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    205
    Thanks for dropping feedback for everyone, a lot more than anticipated too, stick around in this forum.

    This is such a strange piece. The first time I read it, I had no idea what you were doing with the flow as I couldn't catch anything. I ended thinking it was some sort of spoken word piece. On my second I caught "joked" and the flow picked up like a whirlwind. So, I started my third read through and the entire thing fell into place. I think subconsciously the highlighting of rhyming syllables/words actually put me off, unless it was for any other reason? Some really good writers on this forum at the minute. Very clever piece Coup.
    test
  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    well flux thanks for your words

    This is an actual remix of Eminems Lose Yourself....I kept the cadence, just reworded the song to offer some element of truth.

    For the most part this is spot on...as a rough draft I do notice a few areas I have to match up better to Em's original...total project time on my side (writing part) from conception to posting took 9-10 hours.

    So read this like you flowing to Lose Yourself, then it will come together, the bold text is stressed and on the beat.


    This is for a colab I am hopefully doing with a friend whom has a dope delivery and should really bring this to life and make it pop.
    test
  5. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    I picked up the flow right away and started to rap Lose Yourself. Lol.

    This was pretty dope. Spot on parody for about 90%. The bolding was kind of annoying because I found myself pausing on those words sometimes. At first I did not know what YAH was, but it clicked later in the verse. Third verse, although lyrically was the best, had the worst flow in terms of Lose Yourself. I also thought some lines at a stand alone did not make sense, since you concentrated on the syllable count. I have to say this was dope, though. A good read, nonetheless. Here's what I liked:
    "Our soul's awaking through His pull that is staging
    This world is YAH's for the shaking
    Take knee kings, YAHSHUA's sword a new whirled boarder
    A worldly life is snoring; YAHUWAH's horsemen
    Close to told them, they slowly wove armor
    Phonies sow dollars, we grow, they all colder
    Thieves go in all rotten, posed to host woes
    Be known as the gold joker"

    Best part. Made sense at a stand alone line for line, and the syllable count was spot on.

    Good shit man.
    test
  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    Weird Resilient. I myself had thought verse 3 was matched up to Em's the best out of the three.

    Good useful feed back, the kind I was looking for. Am going to harken to it and make changes in my final draft which I will not be posting.

    If you looking for a colab on an originall song man, hit me up. I've seen some of your work in the RSTL, some of it funny as heck. I've been gettin' ready to start a new rap song. We could do two verses each, partner up on the hook and grab a topic or what have you....if not that's cool too homie.
    test
  7. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    I'll tell you what. I have not written a verse in a very long time aside from a battle or diss track to Chase Murda, lol. But I can give it a shot. I'd love to start writing lyrics again. You are talking text collab, correct? I have no recording capabilities, and I haven't recorded since Summer 2011. Regardless, I'm down to do some writing.
    test
  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    cool, yeah a text colab. I have no skill on the mic....I'll be getting with ya. No rush on this...
    test
  9. Chase Murda

    Chase Murda hostile enviroment

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,807
    dam yo coup killin this niggaz..ayo coup hit me up for a colab verse son
    test
  10. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    alright Chase...I got one on the works with resilient. we can get something going man......gotta step up my multis to hang with you.

    ha resilient., I was looking at the RSTL back in 2003...you and IV had set each other off on a few occasions, then the next week be boys then beef again...RSTL was raw baack then man...I missed out. if only it would start up again...time will tell
    test
  11. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    I miss those days. IV was my dude. 'n I'll be honest, this is a hard topic for me to get back into writing with. It's taking me longer thane expected, but I wanted this to be good! I'm going to need some more time, for real!
    test
  12. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    take all the time you need, I aint going anywhere...in fact I have a house full of family from up north, and form the south...they won't be clearing out until next week...even after that still no rush...I move slow, glad you do too


    if you want a topic change, that's cool too...just let me know the changes otherwise I'm still thinking about some of my lines biased on how you lay it out....you got the hard part really, and that's respectable.

    yeah I want this to be dope too, so when it's ready its ready.
    test
  13. mr.redeyez

    mr.redeyez Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2007
    Messages:
    929
    nice coup, I like most of your work,this is a good read, stay up and keep dropping knowledge on us
    test

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)