pressed for time cypher

Discussion in 'Cypher' started by CrookCity, Nov 9, 2010.

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  1. CrookCity

    CrookCity Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    72
    too much hopin' so little focus
    no food in the fridge tryna buss the bank open
    god could only see how I stress so much
    stoppin my warpath homie dont press your luck
    tired of standing on corners tryna make a quick buck
    time can only tell when my last breath is
    skating on thin ice watchin the street biz
    but here come the jakes tryna question my mentality
    no more patience lets change the reality
    the media saying the hood has no morality
    but if I can paint a better picture on how this wretched go
    you wouldv'e probably had me admitted slow
    on the what the fuck happened to him show
    when I woke broke I must have lost my mind
    so thats why you see a nigga pressed for time
    give me a microphone so I can expel my rhyme
    and explain my pain and get back on my grind
    test
  2. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    CrookCity: You my nigga and all but i thought i could give
    you a worthy honest critique.Yo, u started off strong;

    too much hopin' so little focus
    no food in the fridge tryna buss the bank open
    [exciting, good opening bar]
    god could only see how I stress so much
    stoppin my warpath homie dont press your luck
    [great punch line, and this set's the level]
    tired of standing on corners tryna make a quick buck
    [filler line imo]
    time can only tell when my last breath is
    skating on thin ice watchin the street biz
    [this line could have been altered and delivered with more emphasize]
    but here come the jakes tryna question my mentality
    no more patience lets change the reality
    the media saying the hood has no morality
    [Nice Transitions thru out your cadance]
    but if I can paint a better picture on how this wretched go
    you wouldv'e probably had me admitted slow
    on the what the fuck happened to him show
    [sort of confused here, not hittin with much sense, and sort of forced]
    when I woke broke I must have lost my mind
    so thats why you see a nigga pressed for time
    give me a microphone so I can expel my rhyme
    and explain my pain and get back on my grind
    [short sweet and delivered appropriately]

    usually if you want feed back post these kind of verse's in Open Mic Forum.

    RHYME:8
    VOCAB:7.5
    DEPTH:8

    Once you start growing in the RSTL you literary game is going to advance so far beyond these nigga's that you gonna be in your own galaxy.
    test
  3. CrookCity

    CrookCity Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    72
    thats wusup any feedback is feedback needed
    test
  4. PR STATUS GFU

    PR STATUS GFU Under The Influence

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 1999
    Messages:
    141,277
    is this a cyper thread? or a critic thread??? if so crook, post this in the OPEN MIC forum if you looking for feedback/input


    btw, why aren't you rocking gFu on your sig?
    test
  5. p4enomen0n

    p4enomen0n New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2
    Im pressed for time, but time in its essence is only limited
    to different dimensions and placement throughout the tenements
    abrasions to the fabric of existence in wake of heavy thoughts
    uneffected by gravitational impulse and never stopped
    clever thought, or clandestine image of our composure
    never to be tied to visions only distinguished through nerve clusters
    block buster, ATL thuggin the gun in the holster
    As a youth was a lose cannon, somehow i managed to grow older
    Gain wisdom, seek knowledge, no more pushin me over
    Im free of the cuffs, plus im use'n the bars to climb over the roof
    Conventional thought extenguished and im brandishing proof
    190% potent n it diffuse through the youth
    test
  6. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097


    that was tight but why he banned?
    test
  7. p4enomen0n

    p4enomen0n New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2
    had a problem with the confirmation email... need to be resent but i can't talk to a MOD or post a thread b/c of the ban. If you could pass word on that would be whats up (just reply'd here to see if it would let me, thx for the appreciation tho)
    test
  8. tbone

    tbone Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2000
    Messages:
    7,552
    drugz aint the option, i suggest yall repress
    on something different, and yall suggest
    but i aint even trippin, cause i get digits
    money aint a thing, bitches is a fling, love show as crickets
    don't wanna see the bing, i'm just trying to eat
    while nyggaz wanna see me 6ft, but that aint me
    i aint attempting to be, I am who i am just shower me
    wit praises that intertwine, get me out this bind....
    test
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