This is my first post on here. I just found this website and I think it is pretty dope so far. Anyways, I really like watching, listening, etc. to battles cause they are funny and I enjoy the jokes in them etc. I say a lot of jokes with my friends etc., so I figured I could maybe just write some of the jokes I say, and make them rhyme. Here is the shit I wrote. They could sorta be used in a battle, but I know they are supposed to be "freestyle", so this is cheating, but hey what the fuck eh! I am a rich white guy from the burbs, so I don't have any gangsta aspects to talk about, nor do I try to be a emcee or whatever you call it. But I just wrote this cause at least I like to think I could make some funny lyrics. Anyways, here is some shit I thought of during one day and just wrote it down. • Yo battlin’ me is like facing medusa, I leave you lyrics frozen stone cold you weak ass losa . • Call me the undertaker cuz I am leaving your verses in freshly dug ditches, I am causing panic and confusion like flickering light switches. • if we talking analogies, call me Neptune king of the sea, your oceanic equivalent is that brand of canned tuna called Bumblebee. • man your flows are so simplistic and basic, mine are complicated executions of perfection like that eye surgery called Lasik. • Not even black panthers want to mess with the vicious techniques I have under my hat, I leave those ferocious felines looking like Felix the cat. • Battling me is so dangerous you need a signed note from your doctor, Hi, welcome to school, you are my student and I am your lyrical proctor. • I see right through your style like I was a radiologist , I overpower and conquer your flow and then proceed to hand your ass to you like I was a proctologist. • My verbal attacks are like a school of piranhas during a frenzy feeding, the flow rips and wrecks your vital organs causing internal bleeding. • Me and a mic is a lethal combination like bleach and ammonia, I will leave you sweating and shivering like you got a bad case of pneumonia. • When you get on mic and attempt to wreck it, people act like it’s a fire drill and head straight for the emergency exit. • Your rhymes aren’t anything close to dope, I couldn’t find any skill in you, even if I used the Hubble telescope! • By the time I am done with this, I will leave you pouting with a frown, the only contest your queer ass could beat me in is the Miss America Evening Gown! • I’m a bigger threat than anthrax in an envelope, Verbally speaking, you can call me Bubba and you just dropped the soap. • Even miners say my style really digs, your girl is always trying to blow me like I was the house of twigs in the 3 little pigs. • Facing against me is a vocal death sentence, If you doubled your skill, you still wouldn’t make it as my young apprentice. • My style is as versatile as a Swiss army knife, it will sever your spinal cord bringing misery and strife to your life. • My elite fleet of lyrical techniques shall make you suffer, I am so sweet I shoulda been introduced by Michael Buffer. • I know I am your Idol, I am sick of your flatter, you couldn’t serve me if I came chilled on a silver platter. I wrote these all on my own. I didn't bite any stuff. But if anything looks fishy, just mention it. But, I love reading funny lyrics. So, if you got some funny shit, Post it!