Pondering and Wandering Through Endless Thought

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by TuckMastaFresh, Jun 28, 2010.

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  1. TuckMastaFresh

    TuckMastaFresh New Member

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    I begin to ponder, begin to wander,
    Through endless thought,
    Trying to end this writer’s block,
    As I take hits from my friend’s bong,
    Whose name is Kong,
    I’m at the helm of my own realm,
    I have complete control of my destiny,
    I’m on my own path to ecstasy,
    No God will take that from me,
    And I know, as far as I can see,
    I’m on the right path of the righteous,
    On the right path towards creating the righteous rhyme,
    Now it’s just a matter of time,
    Before I’m in the lime,
    I try my best to vocalize my pain,
    And harmonize,
    With others not in vain,
    Who’s to explain,
    Right from wrong,
    Who’s to belong,
    To one group,
    Everyone should tag along,
    Bust out the bong,
    And let’s take some hits.​
    test
  2. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,940
    Hmmmmmm.... really? Pot cures writers block? I'm not 100 percent sure on that. I'm not really sure what the underlining message of this piece is or if it's even a serious piece. The rhyme scheme seemed forced and didn't flow well, very choppy. Maybe you'll hit the realm up with something ill next time.


    Stay up, Much love, Piece
    test
  3. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

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    Messages:
    1,151
    lol... lightly written.

    nice drop
    test
  4. InTheStars

    InTheStars Reflective

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    Messages:
    510
    I can appreciate the humor in finding your words through "herbal" medicine. As far as structure, it was a seemingly forced rhyme however, I am sure that when partaking in such activities, your focus is a little TOO focused. I hope that under sober moments you can express yourself with slightly more flow. Take care.
    test
  5. Introvertfl

    Introvertfl New Member

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    Nov 28, 2010
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    I'm going to have to agree with stars on this one. Although it is a light piece, I think you could have done a little better with the rhyming because it seems terribly forced and sing-songy. I thought I was reading a 4.20 nursery rhyme.
    test
  6. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    Apr 10, 2003
    Messages:
    614
    Ok for the record when I smoked weed I never ever had writers block. I'd write for days and I could also frestyle for hours and then remember everything I said and spit an adlib for the verse and it would sound as though I had written it and studied it for days.

    Weed work's wonders. I just dont like to do it anymore. I also consider it cheating. Smoking weed is like plagiarism.

    Anyway, back to this guys poem/rap....it sucks....sorry to be so brutal, but it does. It royally sucks in all ways a poem/rap can suck.
    test
  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Messages:
    4,096
    It's cliche and bad because he is so up front and direct with the material. Could of used more of the finer points of writing to bring home the same point ...and in a much more enjoyable way to the reader. Still, he did get a reaction and did get a conversation going-and in that respect this piece succeeded.

    I liked the second half, it was much looser and dynamic

    test
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