Poetic Outreach, lmfao...

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Bhitiah, Sep 28, 2005.

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  1. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

    Joined:
    May 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,173
    lmao @ the title, none of you all will..well, maybe one or two that heard me ramble about it. But, lol...We'll call this call #1 to 1-800-cant write for shit...

    I think every kid has etched their name,
    on the sidewalk somewhere...
    and even though the entire city's been repaved
    I know the exact place,
    where my name's drowning in the rain.

    I'm not irish,
    but I hear the bagpipes
    you know, the ones they play when you die
    I'm screamin' that I'm alive
    Somebody,
    please...
    Find me.
    ..and I hear the violins,
    you know, the ones that end a sad story.
    And there's hope
    when I hear the DJ scratch
    but the cd's just skippin...

    I can hear the rain pounding
    as if I had a tin roof
    and it's only when..
    the brown rain spot's show up on the cieling
    that I realize how dirty rain is...
    what holding in hidin pain does...
    but this noise
    vibrate's on the back of my throat
    pleading with me
    to say something..
    so that my dirty soul's sin's
    can be washed away
    in this disgusting rain...

    I heard somebody
    refer to themselves as a cloud
    just waiting to cry...
    I wondered why
    they'd want to ruin everybody else's day...
    I guess that's selfish of me,
    but I hold everything in,
    and I guess that's selfish of me...

    She bend's but she will not break
    they say...
    I only bend until I break...
    but most of me is duct-taped
    so, I guess I'm survivin'
    I'm smilin'
    I'm still writin'
    but I'm so tired
    of fighting
    for it...

    And there's silence,
    the part where
    he ran out of breath
    the bow broke
    and the club closed...


    I've been having a hell of a time writing lately. This is just me rambling on I guess, Put the finger's to the keyboard and said got damn it just type. So...It is what it is.
    test
  2. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,245
    it seems more of an internal struggle if you ask me rather than just rambling on and on, lol...But I know what you mean about not knowing what to write so you just put your fingers to the keys and let em fly, lol...I've done the same thing myself quite a few times, but it feels good, and the thoughts refreshing of just letting go of randomness...
    test
  3. quotive

    quotive 3

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2004
    Messages:
    13,756
    "And there's hope
    when I hear the DJ scratch
    but the cd's just skippin..."

    these are some of the best lines I've read from you... nice shit..


    "I heard somebody
    refer to themselves as a cloud
    just waiting to cry...
    I wondered why
    they'd want to ruin everybody else's day...
    I guess that's selfish of me,
    but I hold everything in,
    and I guess that's selfish of me..."

    I can relate.. love this shit.

    Good poem.. lol @ the title..
    test
  4. cool piece, I liked this especially the part where you chalked the pavement and the rain was still falling on it. Brought back some memories.

    thanks for sharing
    test
  5. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,023
    Girl friend, you're seriously retarded. I may say that to some other folks, but I really and sincerely mean that when I say that to you! (the title the title)

    A lot of the things mentioned in this poem has some relation in my life, it's weird. One of my closest friends loves clouds, and after reading this poem I'm wondering if that's why. She would fit that well too. She'd be crying for no reason all of a sudden.

    Girl last night I'm coming home from work and I put in a cd with some old classics thinking I'm about to slow jam my way home, and the cd started to skip. I was so mad man, I couldn't believe that. Keep writing.

    -Much Love
    test
  6. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,940
    If this is what can't writing feels like then give me some of that emotion, give me some of that anger, that feeling that pushes. I want that. This may not be the most organized or thought out piece i've read in the past few days, but it defintly is the most powerful, the most beautiful, the rawest and relevent piece. This is truth, these are feelings everyone can feel. Damn girl I love this fucking piece, the first stanza was beautiful.



    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  7. iceheart

    iceheart The Frozen Poet

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    690
    this feels like i felt when i woke up on the stretcher with my face bandaged and my legs and back strapped down. i swear i screamed and reached, but my brother said i just opened my mouth... no one heard me....

    i liked this pieced alot... brought back some memories...
    test
  8. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Messages:
    17,838
    You are so naturally inclined to that poetic voice...This part here spoke to me personally!! I think this poem is lovely!! Great job B'!
    test
  9. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 1999
    Messages:
    2,986
    This is when your at your best if you ask me
    test
  10. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    Even if you feel you can't write right now....I love to see the fact that you are writing!

    To me..this is like...freewriting...writing without a clear intent...all the different little parts in their own way could be a poem on their own..a beginning or end to one..it doesn't have a clear direction and it doesn't need to just to let i out.

    To be honest I'm sourta despising my poetry class I'm taking right now b/c it takes away from some of the..purity..I guess I find in poetry and makes it a bit more technical than I like poetry to be at times..but my prof does have pearls of wisdom and the whole freewriting thing was one of them..it's just like writing whatever comes to your head..it doesn't have to make sense...just let it flow so eventually the cluttered madness will dissipate some and you will have a clear direction.

    This reminds me of that..but not in a bad way at all. I really like this in fact. It's just a lot of good ideas and thoughts all in one piece. It reminds me that not everything has to have a clear structure and obvious one way direction..it can just BE..and that is perfectly alright too.
    test
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