PLEASE CRITIQUE! thank you (Sins of Time)

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by TaipanX, Sep 27, 2010.

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  1. TaipanX

    TaipanX New Member

    Sep 27, 2010
    (Taipan) Yo, yo, yo hear we go,

    (Taipan) even in the thunder lightning and rain
    when I cut open your veins
    take the evidence and throw you in the drain
    wash away the hellish pain and blood stains,
    you cant rob me of my sanity,
    got more brains than a other worldly entity,
    my identity becomes your super enemy
    due to the fact that me and Buddha can get through this without any hint profanity.
    Ill go against anyone who wants to battle me,
    any place, time, Oregon, Michigan or Seattle,
    just be warned that when you hear the rattle,
    that’ll be the end that only god can comprehend.
    My rhymes will take over mind, leave you in a state of shock posing as a mime
    got caught tryin to commit a crime
    that was induced from impulsive lying
    now stuck between 2 corrosive lines
    hidden behind a blob of invisible grime
    tryin to escape from this hell of mine and return to my physical prime.
    I cant believe that i'm stuck in this hell,
    bound, gagged and thrown up as well,
    this place is just fairy tale, fake riches, god, and cheap ass hotels.
    Sometimes you just wanna overdose on your meds or be filled with lead,
    to forget everything that was implanted in your head,
    cause the impossible is possible and possible is dead…

    (Buddha with a continuation) eyes blood shot, brick red, peoples minds get caught up in what my lyrics said,
    mind boggling life, between me, my friends, my parents and a bloody knife
    that was found on crime scene committed in plain sight,
    burnt down house sitting in the sun around a spectacular blouse given to my mom on Christmas,
    listen to this and you might gain some interest in my intentions or maybe no
    who am I to decide what you thought
    I just wanna sit back and watch your corpse rot
    while I decide my next plot which includes gas, a match and a house now you connect the dots…

    (Chorus) sins of time, gotta understand the sins of time

    Sins of time gotta understand the sins of time

    Sins of time, sins of time, gotta understand the

    Sins of time (repeat x2)

    (Taipan) the sins of time are atrocious
    destroy the mind its maliciousness so malevolent its ridicules
    battle me and I make ya seem so precocious a ferocious beat down only identifiable by physical up closeness,
    I hope you learn a lesson cause if ya don’t you’ll be stuck messin with delicatessen
    so mad ya turn not blue but Cresson a color deeper than moss but lighter than a moons crescent
    which is so heavy and pretty it makes god seem less impressive
    I may be aggressive and a little excessive but you cant deny the feeling of depression
    that lays in wait to obstruct your pride and may be a little regressive
    but so possessive it destroys your whole persona and outward expression
  2. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Apr 12, 2000
    yo u deffinitly got some lyrical fire, im assuming buddah is ur homeboy, not the the asian diety, or what have you, all i can say is the content really didnt entertain me, ur topics seem young minded, and i dont say that in a degrading manner, u ripped it, its just constructive critism, i dont intend to take away from ur dropp..

    good piece overall=practice bar structure

    SAMARA truth is a sword

    Apr 3, 2002
    there were some good strings/statements put together.
    for me, it was hard to read as a poem.
    it seemed to be filled with honest emotion.

    good drop.
  4. ShogunCrosse

    ShogunCrosse The Fuckin' Good Guy...

    Sep 8, 2010
    actually LP..Taipan is my lil bro...he wanted to see what peeps thought bout his lyrics so i told him to post some shit on a few RM forums
  5. Michael96

    Michael96 New Member

    Oct 18, 2010
    It's good but I really don't think the lyrics mean anything.
  6. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Apr 12, 2000
    tell that nuqqa to join the rstl!
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