PLEASE CRITIQUE! thank you (Sins of Time)

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by TaipanX, Sep 27, 2010.

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  1. TaipanX

    TaipanX New Member

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    Sep 27, 2010
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    (Taipan) Yo, yo, yo hear we go,



    (Taipan) even in the thunder lightning and rain
    when I cut open your veins
    take the evidence and throw you in the drain
    wash away the hellish pain and blood stains,
    you cant rob me of my sanity,
    got more brains than a other worldly entity,
    my identity becomes your super enemy
    due to the fact that me and Buddha can get through this without any hint profanity.
    Ill go against anyone who wants to battle me,
    any place, time, Oregon, Michigan or Seattle,
    just be warned that when you hear the rattle,
    that’ll be the end that only god can comprehend.
    My rhymes will take over mind, leave you in a state of shock posing as a mime
    got caught tryin to commit a crime
    that was induced from impulsive lying
    now stuck between 2 corrosive lines
    hidden behind a blob of invisible grime
    tryin to escape from this hell of mine and return to my physical prime.
    I cant believe that i'm stuck in this hell,
    bound, gagged and thrown up as well,
    this place is just fairy tale, fake riches, god, and cheap ass hotels.
    Sometimes you just wanna overdose on your meds or be filled with lead,
    to forget everything that was implanted in your head,
    cause the impossible is possible and possible is dead…



    (Buddha with a continuation) eyes blood shot, brick red, peoples minds get caught up in what my lyrics said,
    mind boggling life, between me, my friends, my parents and a bloody knife
    that was found on crime scene committed in plain sight,
    burnt down house sitting in the sun around a spectacular blouse given to my mom on Christmas,
    listen to this and you might gain some interest in my intentions or maybe no
    who am I to decide what you thought
    I just wanna sit back and watch your corpse rot
    while I decide my next plot which includes gas, a match and a house now you connect the dots…



    (Chorus) sins of time, gotta understand the sins of time

    Sins of time gotta understand the sins of time

    Sins of time, sins of time, gotta understand the

    Sins of time (repeat x2)





    (Taipan) the sins of time are atrocious
    destroy the mind its maliciousness so malevolent its ridicules
    battle me and I make ya seem so precocious a ferocious beat down only identifiable by physical up closeness,
    I hope you learn a lesson cause if ya don’t you’ll be stuck messin with delicatessen
    so mad ya turn not blue but Cresson a color deeper than moss but lighter than a moons crescent
    which is so heavy and pretty it makes god seem less impressive
    I may be aggressive and a little excessive but you cant deny the feeling of depression
    that lays in wait to obstruct your pride and may be a little regressive
    but so possessive it destroys your whole persona and outward expression
    test
  2. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
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    decent multis, I kinda couldnt catch the rhythm to it but you got some pretty good content. My fav lin is "I hope you learn a lesson cause if ya don’t you’ll be stuck messin with delicatessen
    so mad ya turn not blue but Cresson a color deeper than moss but lighter than a moons crescent "

    Good work homie keep bringin it!
    test
  3. T.R.C....

    T.R.C.... New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2010
    Messages:
    158
    yeah that was a little off in parts some of it didnt really rhyme the parts that did though were pretty dope all around not bad just work on the structure and you'll be set and you gotta reply to two other threads in the open mic or else this is gonna get closed
    test
  4. leprien27

    leprien27 X'ist in Circum_Reference

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    756
    Spontaneous Responsas -t
    brought up in mortality that existed b4 birth and will exist beyond this worldly possession our governing system has called earth, its our own mistakes sins and and their recovery that outlines rules of where we begin, a fiery so hot we could melt soul of the pope in one glance, so he don't even look know more, mia audios will meet fiery with fiery and leave leps as the baby princess we all wanted, but couldn't trust cuz it's maiden mistress voyage of the unknowing in a time when all is so clear, it reflects back with perfect clarity as a slight adjustment of ech0 and reverb allow us tear hear ourselves, and leaves the contemplation of our leaders to a higher power as we either condemn our selves or make heaven out of the remnants after hell takes us all for a toll, and if its b4 time a reminder will shine fiery on the horizon as the wind blows warning us to change our heading but also provides the power to keep our vessel sailing
    test
  5. Chase Murda

    Chase Murda hostile enviroment

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,807
    This was some real shit homey i like this one
    test
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