Pesky Pete vs. Charcoal Real

Discussion in 'Emcee Battle Area' started by PeskyPete, Feb 7, 2011.

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  1. PeskyPete

    PeskyPete New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
    Messages:
    33
    Haha, even if its bad it can't be no worse than this dick.

    I've kept this rhyme simple so its at your level
    Your the outkast that no one likes, the coffee revel/
    Your a fucking disgrace, im gunna break in and case your place
    Rape your mother and make her fucking heart race/
    Go for the arse cuz her pussys contaminated
    You walked in the door saw her smile and fucking fled/
    Its you I was looking for so I chased you down
    I kicked your head to the curb when I got you in town/
    The crowd was watching loving what they were seeing
    Your blood was flowing and every human being, was agreeing/
    Your blood was the only thing that flowed
    You spitting is painfull, like your mum exposed/
    So now your laying there in your pool of blood
    Time to get rid of you, in 6 feet of mud/
    test
  2. Charcoal Real

    Charcoal Real New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    8
    you need to check in or battle homie you scar
    test
  3. Charcoal Real

    Charcoal Real New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    8
    This rap artist''be the sofiest''Tom Hanks clueless lost in the forest''
    your rhymes is crack''on the block''like fines sucking the cock for a piece''
    get shitted on like Dieary like your baby diapters''swallow the sniper watch your bitch niggas run like shots hitting a car on fire''
    Them rap bars you wrote'sound like pino notes''
    your stlye like a pornstar''good for just getting fuck''like a jailbird dropping the soap''
    I smash your life like 300 spartans''all your family members on back of a milk cartoon''
    you the easy type'your moms kept the bed turning ever night''
    This Pesky Pete''Uglyer then Gorlia Black with nail poolish on his feet''(ahahahaha
    and fuck leroy''that wack shit you wrote....hitting like a mouse on the track''suck a co-jack,,I take a pic with me putting a bullet in you with my codak.....bitch
    test
  4. PeskyPete

    PeskyPete New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
    Messages:
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    Any one up for voting?
    test
  5. Halloween Jack

    Halloween Jack Heavens Demon

    Joined:
    May 10, 2001
    Messages:
    7,955
    honestly, you both need alot of improvement. but it looks like pesky's aware of this and just havin fun with it.

    peskypete, you seem like with some practice you'd be ok. your verse structuring and cadence isn't bad, but your concepts, creativity and punchlines are beyond terrible. "ifucked your mom" disses got played out after this sites first battle back in '98. and you've gotta think of a more creative way to say "i'll kill you" instead of just saying "i'll kill you". make shit interesting.

    charcoal real... i don't know what the fuck i was reading, bro. the wording was horrid, it had no format, didn't rhyme, the spelling was all fucked up.. what the fuck is a diapter. a pino note.. a milk cartoon? damn. preposterous. you are aware that if certain words are spelled a certain way, they sound totally different, right? and what the FUCK is up with the quotations all over the place?? we need to get you a mentor, man.

    same to you pesky, lemme know if you guys need any help with developing your skills set.

    vote: bring back the lyrical dojo.
    test
  6. PeskyPete

    PeskyPete New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
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    33
    Cheers, i'm up for all the advice i can get :D
    test
  7. Halloween Jack

    Halloween Jack Heavens Demon

    Joined:
    May 10, 2001
    Messages:
    7,955
    aight. when i get a lil more time, i'll pm you.

    in the mean time, go read some of the previous weeks verses in the rbl.

    look at extreme venom, severity, john hensley, jack lantern and others.

    those^ are dudes that don't really post on the battle board too much. just in the rbl.

    on this board, go read battles from tac, jai z, dethstryque, gsus, mista freeze.

    you'll see what i mean.
    test
  8. G Force

    G Force Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2011
    Messages:
    165
    Like Halloween Jack has mentioned both verses are very basic and need some work but then everyone has start somewhere. Charcoal Real won for me because his verse was slightly more advanced in the sense he had a concept of using metaphors which is one of the primary aspects of delivery a punch.

    VOTE = Charcoal Real
    test
  9. IAmBenT

    IAmBenT Eat a dick, faggot

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1,356
    Yeah um..

    Pete-this was terrible. all you did was talk about his mom. There wasnt even like a single punchline, or metaphor, or simile of note.

    Charcoal-this was a good start and i could see where it rhymes, I think Jack is too used to seeing the same style so this threw him off lol just highlight your rhymes next time but other than that you are good.

    Vote-Charcoal, J-cole's darker brother lol
    test
  10. Murderous Keys

    Murderous Keys All's well that ends

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2010
    Messages:
    3,450
    I've kept this rhyme simple so its at your level
    Your the outkast that no one likes, the coffee revel/
    -So-So Opener, Decent Structure But The Punch Wasn’t Hard Hitting At All

    Your a fucking disgrace, im gunna break in and case your place
    Rape your mother and make her fucking heart race/
    -LOL, Again Decent Structure But Not Really Punch Material

    Go for the arse cuz her pussys contaminated
    You walked in the door saw her smile and fucking fled/
    -This Is Horrid.

    Its you I was looking for so I chased you down
    I kicked your head to the curb when I got you in town/
    -I’m About To Stop reading This Verse. No Punches, No Nothing.

    The crowd was watching loving what they were seeing
    Your blood was flowing and every human being, was agreeing/
    -Decent Simple Rhyme Scheme, But Again No Punch, This Is More Of A Horror Style Verse With No Punches.

    Your blood was the only thing that flowed
    You spitting is painfull, like your mum exposed/
    -Some-What Funny On An Elementary Level

    So now your laying there in your pool of blood
    Time to get rid of you, in 6 feet of mud/
    -Eh Closer, not Really Doing Anything For Me.

    Pesky- This Was A Very Elementary and Newbie verse, There was really No Punches, Just A Verse On How You Had Sex With His Mom Then Beat Him Up Till He Bled A lot then Buried him. Not Really A Battle Verse That Is Near Par to Normal verses This Days, I’d Say This Was A D- Verse. Keep Writing And Reading Other verses From Battlers That Have Been Doin’ This Awhile And You’ll Catch On.

    This rap artist''be the sofiest''Tom Hanks clueless lost in the forest''
    your rhymes is crack''on the block''like fines sucking the cock for a piece''
    -Choppy Flow, But At Least You Opened With An Attempted Punch.

    get shitted on like Dieary like your baby diapters''swallow the sniper watch your bitch niggas run like shots hitting a car on fire''
    -Dieary? Anyway, Set-up was Horrid and Punch or lack of was even worse.

    Them rap bars you wrote'sound like pino notes''
    your stlye like a pornstar''good for just getting fuck''like a jailbird dropping the soap''
    I smash your life like 300 spartans''all your family members on back of a milk cartoon''
    -This Series Of Lines Was Garbage Too, Lack of Flow, Porn/Dropping Soap Lines

    Are 10 Years Ago, But At Least You Attempted To Create A Punch.
    you the easy type'your moms kept the bed turning ever night''
    This Pesky Pete''Uglyer then Gorlia Black with nail poolish on his feet''(ahahahaha
    -Not Sure Why You Laughed At The End Of This Couplet, It Wasn’t Funny Nor

    Was it Any Good. Where’s The Flow? Where’s The Punch? Anyway..BlaH
    and fuck leroy''that wack shit you wrote....hitting like a mouse on the track''suck a co-jack,,I take a pic with me putting a bullet in you with my codak.....bitch
    -So-So Closer, Again Flow Was Lacking, Punch Was Just BlaH..

    Charcoal Real – This Was A Trash Verse, The Flow Was Everywhere and Nowhere. Your Wording Was Totally Wrong, But Unlike Pesky At Least You Attempted To Come Up With Punches, even Though They Really Weren’t Punches, But Again At least You Had The Effort.

    Overall – This Was NOT a very Good Battle, In-fact This Was A very Horrible Battle, Neither Of You Really Had Any Punches, But Charcoal Attempted To Have Punches, But His Flow Was ..well Not There. But Overall I Thought Charcoal’s Verse Was A Little Less Garbage Than Pesky’s.

    Both Of You Need A lot Of Work, I’m Not Trying To Be A Dick, But Currently You Both Should Either Stop Writing Verses Or Actually Work On it. Read Other battlers So You Can Understand And See What A Structure Should Look Like, Get Ideas On Different Rhyme Schemes, and See How Set-ups and Punches Are Formulated Through Personals, Wordplays, Jokes..ect.

    Anyway, Vote – Charcoal.
    test
  11. PeskyPete

    PeskyPete New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2011
    Messages:
    33
    Woah aint been on here in a while as didn't have internet. I have found that it is ALOT easier to write about people I know, so might get to know people better before battling.
    test
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