Part II

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Wicked5744, Apr 13, 2004.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Wicked5744

    Wicked5744 Last I awoke, it was morn

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2002
    Messages:
    1,490
    Another poem about love,
    But this one a manifestation,
    A nightmare that haunts me,
    One I wish I could set free,
    But no,
    I'm stuck within this dungeon of insanity,
    Where the love dies,
    Tortured by hellish ideas and verbs,
    Processes of which there seems to be no cures,
    The fears increase as I see this depiction of cruelty,
    Why throw jagged objects at my love,
    Cut and curve the body until there's no appeal,
    Make love bleed until the floor is parted by Moses,
    Ordering his people to walk through it,
    But this "Red Sea" falls upon the group,
    Spoils the freedom.
    Love now crucified by vice,
    Given a chance of life that's less than a sum of thirteen on dice,
    Given a chance of diein, bigger than a sum of thirteen on dice rolled twice,
    Infestations through out the head like lice,
    Eating away at love's scalp,
    No longer the beautiful thing I once possessed,
    This time it's not just recessed,
    It's gone for good and I wish I could reset,
    But been hurt too bad by it this time,
    Love how could you do this to me,
    Causing me to write this kind of rhyme,
    Dark and deceited,
    I once had an up beat tempo to write this to,
    But then you through it away for the color "blue."
    Giving me the sorrow possessed by Romeo,
    Juliette wasn't even dead like you,
    So I poisoned myself that has my mind crimped with something like polio,
    It's another story and flow,
    About a dream and show.
    test
  2. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,023
    But been hurt too bad by it this time,
    Love how could you do this to me,
    Causing me to write this kind of rhyme,
    Dark and deceited,
    I once had an up beat tempo to write this to,
    But then you through it away for the color "blue."
    Giving me the sorrow possessed by Romeo,
    Juliette wasn't even dead like you,
    So I poisoned myself that has my mind crimped with something like polio,
    It's another story and flow,
    About a dream and show.


    This was nice, a lot different from Part I I thought. In the beginning it seemed more of a spoken word piece, then towards the middle and ending it became more interesting. Keep it up,
    -Peace & Love
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    ^She stole my quote, but I was feeling this part also.

    "I once had an up beat tempo to write this to,
    But then you through it away for the color "blue."
    Giving me the sorrow possessed by Romeo,
    Juliette wasn't even dead like you"

    ^that shit was fire. Seem like you started the piece on a calm note. But the feelings couldnt be kept under control and u let the paper have it lol. Great job

    one luv
    test
  4. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    1,308
    http://board.rapmusic.com/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=8658077 It's gone for good and I wish I could reset,
    But been hurt too bad by it this time,
    Love how could you do this to me,
    Causing me to write this kind of rhyme,
    Dark and deceited,


    This was definetly a poem i could relate to and i enjoyed. The beggining was really good, but then u kind of lost your flow a lil bit, then u found it again...but then at the end...i dont know, it just seemed a little off subject to me i think...this was an excellent piece..loved it!

    mad love
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)