Pandora's Box

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by mr.redeyez, Jun 2, 2013.

  1. mr.redeyez

    mr.redeyez Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2007
    Messages:
    919
    wake up wake up... wake up wake up

    I just dunk a fifth of vodka ran from a coppa
    blood line darker pockets Nicki Parker
    fiend'n for a fix need a couple chicks
    dream'n that I'm rich realities a bitch
    you don't grind you don't shine that makes a lot of sense
    why wine N dine when ya status make her suck ya dick
    Wallah, Magic, she just need a trick
    money on mind, they call me ignorant
    why when you make it you gain enemies
    but when you broke you a ghost are you kidding me??
    fuck it its a light show, shoot first why fight foe
    like everyday the fourth, of july of course
    broke boys can't beef, cause they got no force
    take half of yo face, just like a divorce

    wake up wake up... wake up wake up


    I don't really care about the other side
    some body tell em its a homicide
    in a purple s.u.v I'm feelin' bonafide
    I ain't neva had shit, just a lot of pride
    and a lot of sense, I am not a gent
    I'm up to no good, nigga don't get bent
    somebody should of told him I'm a fresh prince
    get cocky with a crime leave a fresh print
    I know I talk a lot of shit I need a breath mint
    I just have a ton of fun like a fat bitch
    take my kindness for weakness I stretch shit
    test
  2. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    Not feeling this. The flow is tough to follow. Seems choppy in most places. Content itself is trash. "Your status makes her suck your dick". Can we rap about something else? Or is it always about "fucking bitches" "doing drugs" and "making money"? Broaden your horizons man. The lack of intelligence in this open mic is revolting. Expand your vocabulary a little so you sound better.

    Overall. 2/10.
    test
  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    I don't really know what to say that @Resilient. hasn't already said...the Rhymes were terrible and the grammar was bad. Keep at it and keep improving
    test
  4. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    205
    Redeyez, you should reply to others before posting your own. I can't fathom why I would take the time to read yours and leave comments when you can't be bothered replying to others. It doesn't help this already stale forum in the slightest.
    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    I don't know what the negativity is about. I like Red Eyes work...this has a good flow and an even better story/theme consistency about it...where as it makes sense from A to B...a lot of us just flow without making much sense and I think this piece has both factors. just take it slow and you will find the rhyme. In text it's often overlooked.

    Here is an example of what Mr. Redeyes can do...this is a great one: (one of my favorite works on this site...it's simple but 'genius')


    By Mr. RedEyes

    pop a molly for tha dead,
    they catchin bodies for tha bread,
    bullets use ya body for a bed,
    everybody blame illuminati for tha hit,
    say they took tha soul,mind & body of tha kid,
    prolly so, i dont know if they did,
    all i know, aint no all seeing eye where i live
    unless I'm blind to tha truth
    some say they mixed tha swine with tha flu
    and every dollar sign has tha proof
    i said it was bull poop,until i seen it on you tube
    no lie i was spooked, thought it was a spoof
    satan is amung us some say it isnt true
    well tell me when he comin',i'll be waitin on tha roof
    december 21st, i'll be takin on his troops
    they scream new world order, and want us to salute
    they takin our guns away,so how we gonna shoot
    its either get down or lay down,i'll be happy in tha roots...
    test

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