Pan Seared Perfectionist

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Judge tha Dacyple, May 29, 2003.

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  1. Judge tha Dacyple

    Judge tha Dacyple Poetic Papi Emcee Señor

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2000
    Messages:
    1,700
    I peddle my meddled wares in the suns deceptive kiss
    pan seared perfectionist/
    shadow dance battle stance panzer
    whos plans direction steered directionless/
    dumbstruck dumbluck advanced clear through the resonance
    right to my residence/
    supplied no answers took chances to get to stair steppin
    but I guess I slipped/
    the messy gift left is testament to attempts
    to recreate flight like bumblebees/
    tumbling fully frontal pulling strings of subtleties
    discovering the sum of me/
    lungs strum a note of humble dischord
    just above the hum of summers eve/
    hollow thunder breathes some relief through breeze yet,
    puddled grief none alleves/
    I've muttered these same sentiments
    similarly arranged several times already/
    tired mind wired right
    transmitting scattered sight via satellite eyes are heavy/
    I'm forgetting key events that I think intensify the setting/
    my sense of pride censored the scent of sex left to die
    a death that I'm regretting/
    ever since I stepped aside
    and didnt get to try/
    to rectify my test to fly
    I think its best I testify/
    I'm just a dead winged fledgling
    heading towards earth at a deafening speed/
    hoping these dead wings end up spreading
    and maybe setting me free/
    I've been embedded in bed
    with flashback reflections of merit/
    body laying in seperate dimensions
    from where my spirit and head sit/
    why I'm here? Forget it,
    the story would bore me alot more than it would bore you/
    I implore you go out and attempt live your life
    before youre forced to stay indoors too/
    your view hasnt been skewed yet,
    you still dont know what their serving you saying its food yet/
    youre no huge threat
    to consumer booming industry broods brewing doom in a new scent/
    truth in a true sense
    can be a certified nuisance/
    but if it isnt used correctly
    then whos truly to say what truth is?/
    the truth is
    a tooth ripped out is worth more than your two cents/
    in this world open minds leave the population
    stutter stepping like quartz movements/
    and loose lipped retorts to authority
    result in kangaroo court jester benders/
    where anti freedom avengers pretend to defend ya
    and send ya into the blender/
    I guess my approach is hopeless
    yet I wont end the agenda I'm fully focused/
    to fill each quote with emotion
    brewed like terrorist coffee chock full of explosives...
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Rhyme scheme was pretty nice, I thought that they reminded me more of lyrics, then poetry due to that rhyme scheme. Other than that, nice metaphors.. Similes.. I thought that you had some memorable lines, such as..

    "the messy gift left is testament to attempts
    to recreate flight like bumblebees/
    tumbling fully frontal pulling strings of subtleties
    discovering the sum of me/"


    ^^ I thought this was impressive, especially about the "flight of the bumblebees" and worked it with the line, nice work. My blessings..
    test
  3. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    LOVED IT

    always do enjoy your work Judge....

    this was a heavy piece man...the kinda stuff i like to read

    flow was nice...but like ^ said it kinda was like a rhyme...but

    still dope...i still felt it...


    transmitting scattered sight via satellite eyes are heavy/
    I'm forgetting key events that I think intensify the setting/

    nice

    and

    hoping these dead wings end up spreading
    and maybe setting me free/

    my fav line......great pice once again

    keep it up
    test
  4. DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA

    DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA The Silencer

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2000
    Messages:
    2,569
    Whats up homie? lol i liked it because thats what poetry is lyrics there are all types of poetry and rap is poetry too so this was good i liked the whole joint kid keep posting.
    test
  5. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Messages:
    11,131
    lengthy, but well worth it... like the others said above, the rhyme scheme was more lyrical than poetic, which gave it a different yet interesting vibe. well written, keep writing
    test
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