~Ordinary~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Mind~$oul, Oct 19, 2005.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Messages:
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    The limits are to the sky
    but we selfishly
    wont look up
    we can't rush the future
    so why are we
    walking so fast
    many things we
    refuse to understand
    they say god created his
    image through man
    yet we kill each other
    over conflicting differences
    and the cycle is endless
    or more so purposeless
    like taking small steps
    to no man's land
    and eternity
    there's more to an answer
    but doubts got us
    idle in searching
    heaven is vacant while
    hell is scorching
    demons are prevailing and
    mothers are mourning
    the tatted cross on
    my chest is burning
    resentment is still growing

    Every night a star dies
    outside of my window
    the moment is thoughtful
    like death being food
    for my soul


    A keystyle I did after reading Eloquent Poet's piece called, "Yesterday's Theories"
    test
  2. Koban4max2

    Koban4max2 New Member

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    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
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    good poem, man.
    test
  3. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 1999
    Messages:
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    A growing theme is blossoming here.....

    I like the title and now I gottta back track and read ELp's poem...(excellent writer and mos def one that inspires me to write as well so I can understand rigth away where you coming from with this)


    The limits are to the sky
    but we selfishly
    wont look up
    we can't rush the future
    so why are we
    walking so fast
    many things we
    refuse to understand

    ^this first half is cool...like confrounting the contradictions of our society....everyone is in a hurry and always in a rush....always....(at least here in Cali)....but why?...whats the rush time is fast enough without our help ya know.....just something thats always distrubed me

    they say god created his
    image through man
    yet we kill each other
    over conflicting differences
    and the cycle is endless
    or more so purposeless
    like taking small steps
    to no man's land
    and eternity


    ^I REALLY liked this part....I think this goes back to that collabo we did "CYCLE OF DEATH"....it never never ends.....just because of differences which in reality is what makes us all so special and unique if we were all the same then nobody would be anything.....I like your word play on no mans land as well....old school cliche....felt

    there's more to an answer
    but doubts got us
    idle in searching
    heaven is vacant while
    hell is scorching

    demons are prevailing and
    mothers are mourning
    the tatted cross on
    my chest is burning
    resentment is still growing

    ^Interesting part.....the contradictions continue....and the questioning of it all....I really got alot from this part of your poem....more emotional touching on the imagery of current events....and your flawless flaw is chilling.....that "Idle in searching......just sic.....you the only cat I know who can rhyme these "ing" and pull it off.....I dunno how you do it.....so subtle so effortless....genuis


    Every night a star dies
    outside of my window
    the moment is thoughtful
    like death being food
    for my soul


    ^the food for me soul intrigued me....(being that I fasted for 40 days)....I took this part to heart as well.....and maybe perhaps this idea of "DEATH" feeding us in an abstract way could be expanded on....because I think theres something unviersal in this message....it never never ends....and that no matter what happens life goes on.....stars die...as common as a flowers death....but the beatuy doesnt ever end....I dunno just something to ponder

    I liked this one mindsoul

    Holla
    test
  4. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2004
    Messages:
    11,770
    "The limits are to the sky
    but we selfishly
    wont look up"

    That's a really good quote right there man. I wish I had more time to reply, but I'll holler at you later.

    God Bless.
    test
  5. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2003
    Messages:
    4,076
    beautiful man
    cant believe i inspired this....

    The limits are to the sky
    but we selfishly
    wont look up
    we can't rush the future
    so why are we
    walking so fast
    many things we
    refuse to understand
    they say god created his
    image through man
    yet we kill each other
    over conflicting differences
    and the cycle is endless
    or more so purposeless

    heaven is vacant while
    hell is scorching
    demons are prevailing and
    mothers are mourning
    the tatted cross on
    my chest is burning
    resentment is still growing

    damn basically im speechless
    cant offer the right words of wisdom right now

    the tatted cross on my chest is burning
    i loved that part man
    that makes me think of the cross on my ankle...

    this was dope and very inspirational...
    test
  6. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,023
    Huh bruh!

    I don't know how else to respond to this one except by following the bandwagon. Man though, each line is set out and picked apart as far as relating to them go. Each line tells a different story of one's life.



    we can't rush the future
    so why are we
    walking so fast


    ^I think we just hard headed like that. I believe that we can't rush the future, but wanting everything to be fulfilled within that 'time span'-it brings wonders, like-man I gotta do this before (blah blah blah...) That's just it though, we don't know when our time is coming. Oohh next.


    they say god created his
    image through man
    yet we kill each other


    ^yeah true, the "yet" is keyword for it. And the following lines explain it well.

    there's more to an answer
    but doubts got us
    idle in searching


    ^I think this by far is my favorite line(s). It's like as long as you're given life you're gonna keep going regardless, whether or not you're fearing things. You just keep going. When you're scared, dance. When you wanna cry, laugh.

    the tatted cross on
    my chest is burning
    resentment is still growing


    ^This is a powerful line. Lucid in meaning; very deep. The resentment line--man. I had that in my younger years too heavily and I am still young. But it's weird how it was growing up and going through unusual things for a person that age. Not 'unusual' but you know. Not even rare. I don't know the word to say but resentment is like killing me from going on, I had to let go of that cause it was self-destructing me more than the other person. Some go by forgive and forget, but I don't think one can ever forget when it's like a life-changing thing. And if wasn't a life-changing occurrence (sp?) then it wouldn't be such a concern. IDK, things like that take time. This piece was thought provoking. Keep writing.

    -Much Love
    test
  7. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Thanks for the love folks.

    Uppin one last time.
    test
  8. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    1,151
    first let me say, i enoy reading your poems


    it made me think about my thoughts the other day:

    for many people life is suffering, as so few people are able to live their dreams.
    I was reading a brief survey the other day about people who live their dreams.
    There were 5 categories of No and some descriptions as to the reason of the "No."
    Such as "No, but taking a course to help" or "No, but working in a career close"
    If I remember correctly 12% of 3500, or 420 people said yes. I think that in Bertoulli's Law these numbers are of people responding yes might be much lower, and becomes much more lower if you were to go to different geographic locations.

    I guess my point being is that there are too many things wrong in the world
    and too many idealistic ways of justifying how things can be right.

    A fortune cookie never tells the assholes that they are asssholes. They still get a pat on the back instead of the kick in the ass.
    test
  9. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    This was good. To be honest I was feeling the beginning much more than the end..I think the end could have been a bit stronger just b/c I feel that the beginning started off much stronger.

    they say god created his
    image through man
    yet we kill each other
    over conflicting differences

    ^^This was my favorite part. Really good image to bring up and think about.
    test
  10. DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA

    DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA The Silencer

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2000
    Messages:
    2,569
    Hmm.... very interesting peice in a very ordinary way lol, but on a more serious note i enjoy your work as a writer i haven't been on here in a minute,but i thought the whole peice was good being that it was something different from what im used to reading ...although i haven't read eloquents poem either, but i never lost interest throughout the entire peice great job keep puttin it down!
    test
  11. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    impressive..i can really see a lot of growth in your writting..this is one of the best keys i've seen you do..seems very well thought out and all your words seem to have a strong meaning.this poem just feels right..nice shit man..i miss your work
    test
  12. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    1,308
    i think these are some of the thought that alot of us have at some time or another, well atleast i know i do...anyhoo...this was a tight piece....real deep, the kinda piece that makes u take atleast a minute to think about the way the world around us is destructing....loved this!

    mad love
    test
  13. Sole Sovereign

    Sole Sovereign Hungry But Never Starving

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2001
    Messages:
    2,931
    I wouldn't call the cycle purposeless, but you did. Poem was nice, really could only relate to some of the content. I dunno it's like you're ignoring the struggle to me, but what can I tell from a poem? ...blah this isn't a place to debate socialogical views. Regardless was an interesting read and I'm sure you arleady know you do the pen justice.
    test
  14. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,938
    Days don’t grow any stronger
    Lights get less bright
    In our time, we don’t make time
    The lords time, doesn’t shine
    And it’s all fake
    No minds trying unwind
    Or make sense of the signs
    It’s all for scene
    Like Christ on a cross
    Or people on milk cartons
    Their not lost
    They just haven’t been fond


    Not much but something inspired...


    Anyways this was am awesome piece man, Aint read much from you in a while. You only post a piece every blue moon so it;s not like people get much of a chance to read into you. lol. The strength of your words, that's all I have to say. You're one of the strongest poets on the sight. What I mean is your message gets through like agreat speaker or writer, it's infectious.


    Stay Up, much Love, Peace
    test
  15. 6ftground

    6ftground BLACKACE/GRIMREADER

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    2,066
    The limits are to the sky
    but we selfishly
    wont look up
    we can't rush the future
    so why are we
    walking so fast

    This part made me look up and think about what you where trying to say... I got it though....Nice..

    many things we
    refuse to understand
    they say god created his
    image through man
    yet we kill each other
    over conflicting differences
    and the cycle is endless
    or more so purposeless

    ^ I wrote to this stanza millions of time, I get so tired of reading about another murder in CINCINNATI OHIO... And even more, to find out it was a family member or friend.....


    like taking small steps
    to no man's land
    and eternity
    there's more to an answer
    but doubts got us
    idle in searching
    heaven is vacant while
    hell is scorching
    demons are prevailing and
    mothers are mourning
    the tatted cross on
    my chest is burning
    resentment is still growing

    Every night a star dies
    outside of my window
    the moment is thoughtful
    like death being food
    for my soul
    A keystyle I did after reading Eloquent Poet's piece called,
    "Yesterday's Theories"

    ^ OH so true... I like the way you used the falling star example... I was always told that too... You know for every star that falls another life is born....NIce...

    Nice drop fam...PEace
    test
  16. Atticus Prophet

    Atticus Prophet Hears to the Mute

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2005
    Messages:
    53
    I Really Liked This Poem.

    It Wasnt So Much A Piece Of Raw Feeling As It Was,
    A Creative List Of Insights.

    What I Love Is How You Did Just That,
    Listed Clever Insights And Logistics
    ... But In A Manner That Did Make It Seem As Though A List.

    Because These Types Of Poems Are Hard To Pull Off
    ... More Often Than Not They Never Seen Fully Athentic.

    The Metaphors In This Piece Were Amazing.
    And Right From The Start With That Sky's The Limit Line,
    Just Wow, I Really Loved This Piece.

    Only Thing I Didnt Like It How It Didnt Have Punctuation.
    And You Didnt Capitalize Anything Which Made It Hard With The Structure You Chose.

    Was Hard To Tell Which Lines I Was Supposed To Read Through,
    And Which Were An Entirely Different Line.

    But Aside From That Petty Complaint,
    Beautiful Piece Man, Great.

    ... And I'd Really Apreciate It If You Could Check Out One Of My Pieces,
    Either "Flight Of Icarus" or "Devil On Your Shoulders".
    Thanks Alot.
    test
  17. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

    Joined:
    May 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,173
    Did I really not reply to this? That's fucked up of me. I'm sorry man. I've just been busy I guess, or I didnt see it or something ....I dont know! I'll be right back with something though
    test
  18. MURDERGHOST

    MURDERGHOST New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2003
    Messages:
    90
    Hi Mind$oul...

    i haven't been here for months...

    good thing i find the site again...

    Great to read your words... it's been a while!
    test
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